free at last...moving from the aspie b...... from hell

Post Reply New Topic

Sorry if this gets too long or not very understandable.

Yesterday was one of the worst days have ever experienced-meltdown after meltdown after meltdown-partly due to selfish taxi drivers who ignore requests from staff if they could turn their music off,and the locally infamous aspie b***h from hell [Jane] who unfortunately for humankind-exists,and lives here.

she was suspended from college yesterday for making herself sick and wiping it all over herself and screaming [what she does for attention seeking],can't blame them for doing that because it's not fair on everyone else,but it's everyone else here that has to deal with her when she gets back.
it ended up with a major albeit mostly one sided fight,staff said she had been trying to set off meltdowns in am all evening,she likes to watch am suffer and intentionally sets off severe self injuring meltdowns for this purpose, she hasn't learned not to get to close when she tries this though because she ends up floored everytime,don't like what happened [mainly because staff were involved in it,have absolutely no respect at all for her because she has put am through a living hell here].

one of the managers came first thing this morning,and said she doesn't want am to be suffering every day because of her so want a move as soon as am able to,they have said before they cannot move her even though she ALSO physically abuses the boys,and has accused male staff of sexual abuse when she hasn't got her own way--allowed to stay there all because she has been there the longest.
the manager took am to see a new home-it's in Urmston,which means much more travel of some sort from parents house as am there every weekend,but it's right near where used to live,it's like a little community within the community-it's one massive house with big garden,car park and a long wall around,there are no neighbours at all on that side,all the regular houses are on the opposite side.

in the part where am will live,there is one other person,doesn't like noise and is very nice,he has downs syndrome and not autism,
had asked to be housed with other autistics so things are more matched but they said they don't have any res. homes that specialise in mainly autism.
had also asked whether could get a place in a NAS res. home instead,they said it would take too long to get anywhere with funding for them and to swap all the support stuff over,as need to move out as soon as possible.
a very good thing the manager has said is the other person agrees,will be getting a cat there [have been making more plans about this today more than anything...maine coon or ragdoll? both would be nice] and it is very likely he will agree,because one of the ladies downstairs owns a tortie cat called smudge who sometimes likes to wander upstairs as well.

already know some of the staff,and one of the ladies downstairs to-a mute lf autie who used to live with,saw her today for first time in ages.
from next week, going to start going for visits to the place to get it into routine.
it needs painting first,in pale blue colour with laminate flooring,will be making use of a free decorator [aka dad].
will miss the nice staff here,and the boys who live here because they are in no way nasty and are understanding,will also miss,all the local cats,especially justin and his friend who have always protected am when outside and had MDs,will be coming back for visits,not when that b***h is in though.
Just hope they do not off load another poor sod here,unless they're deaf,blind and have no sense of smell.




Have often seen WPers say they would really like to live with other autistics as they say autistics will really understand each other so will get on better,having seen the truth with Jane and others on the spectrum for the past few years,believe that autism or aspergers are just as varied neurotypes as the neurologically typical and can have nasty b*****s on both sides.
what does everyone else think [on subject of living with other autistics]?

well, i know how difficult i am to live with ( because very critical, and demand lots of quiet, and can't bear changes in routines etc), and have pissed off many ( with inappropriate honesty, and obsessive interests, and meltdowns etc).
Used to be socially more successful/"agreeable" BEFORE learned compassion, the knowing other people have feelings has actually made life so much more difficult for me that am more anxious, more "clumsy"cos "real" rather than "for show" , and more needy for calm, routine, etc, so freak out more over unreliabilities.
yes, see no reason why bunch of aspies would be pleasanter than NTs.
It used to be me making all the noise and mess in alcohol and hypo-manic numbed out state; now I'd kill someone who did the same!!

Last edited by ouinon on 14 Nov 2007, 1:15 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm very happy to hear that your living situation is going to get better. I know that lady has been on your nerves for some time now, and it's just awful when one can't even relax in their own residence. Keep us updated when you get your new cat!
I'm not sure how to answer your question about autistics living with other autistics. On one hand it seems like a good idea, because maybe it would be easier to relate to each other. Then again, everyone on the spectrum is so unique I wonder if it really would be any easier for those with ASD to get along with each other then for ASD, and NTs? I also notice that just in my household there are a lot of sensory issues that clash. Both of my boys hum, and make various sounds with their mouth. When one gets louder, the other does too. After so long, I'm about to pull my hair out hearing it. They cannot help it, they need to stim. TBH I think it's difficult on many levels for anyone with ASD to live with anyone.

KingdomOfRats, first I'd just like to echo serenity in saying I'm happy to hear that it seems things are going to change for the better, and I hope that is indeed the case. I look forward to seeing pics of your new cat in the cat appreciation thread sometime in the not too distant future.

I would not want to live in the same house with anyone outside of immediate family. I can barely stand living in apartment complexes, and feel a weight from the presence of other humans crushing down on me. If the complex was full of aspies or auties? I'm not sure how much of a difference it would make.

I need space. I need things to be how I need them to be. I need to be able to do my own thing without worrying about bothering others. This past weekend for example, I was working on various projects in my cabin, and I cranked up the jukebox in the loft to really loud so I could hear it all over the cabin; isn't that just the sort of thing that might cause people with sensory issues to really flip out? But if I felt like I couldn't blast my music sometimes, I might flip out too. I also need to be left alone sometimes, need solitude to center myself; if I don't get it when I need it, once again I get very tetchy.

There's been some idea of an "aspie commune" floating around for a while. If anybody ever gets one of those off the ground, I might like to visit, to see what it is really like. I'm also curious to see what particular incarnation it might take. A large house that many live in? I could never handle such. A patch of land with individual cottages? That I might be able to handle, if my cottage was on the edge out of the way somewhere (but I'd need a "Do Not Disturb" sign to hang on my door sometimes).

I have lived with someone who is autistic, my 10 year old son. I cut him a lot of slack, but he did get on my nerves sometimes, and I sometimes on his. More often though, he drives his NT mother squirrely with his obsesivness, particularly his constant echolalia; much of what bothers her is not bothersome to me.

I do wish I knew more adult aspies/auties IRL; you for example; I've read many of your posts, and I like you, but I have no real sense of what you are like in person. So, in truth, I have some amount of trouble imagining what "autistics" are like in general, let alone trying to live together with them. But, I can say with reasonable certainty that I doubt I'd get on very well with Jane.

Good fortune,

- Icarus is a natural hermit...

Ouinon,
that sounds a lot like sister to [although she is no way near as aspie as that],she hated renting a house with two other ladies for noise reasons-but was like them when she lived at home,she now owns her own cottage in a quiet area with lemurs,koi karp and wallabies out the back.

Perhaps with this issue,it is about needing to have control and predictibility especially as well as the noise itself?
people tend to think it's the noise itself that is the problem,but often people do better when they are able to control the noise themselves.





Thanks Serenity.
she was bad this evening as well,
it's just like around bonfire night,not knowing when a firework is going to go off,the waiting for the screaming tantrum is nearly as bad as the scream itself,it destroys concentration,it gives very bad thoughts......luckily am controlling them now,but if she carries on like this tomorrow and the next day and the next day etc.don't know what is going to happen,am a strong person but too much is too much.

What do think of Maine Coons?
last night,found a breeder of them who lives on the next street,have been sitting on the pavement regulary outside their nextdoor neighbours' house stroking their huge one eyed tabby boy whom have called 'one eyed cat'-and never knew was sat so close to Maine Coons-have emailed them to find out if they have any plans for their next litter/when it is as the site says they don't have litters often,but when they do they have a lot of kittens.
Definitely agreed about difficulty of living with others,autistics who require more support than the type of staff who occasionally visit,are usually put into residential homes with others because they do not have the funding to give full support to each person,as far as am know,the national autistic society offers homes for autistics whos' sensory problems are very affected by others-to live on their own,but this is very rare.
Autistics [whether they have support needs or not] can often be unsuitable for flats as well,because there is no control over what noise comes out of the neighbours place or anywhere to escape to.


Thanks Icarus,
what opinions do have of the maine coon?

aspie commune....
have ever visited a camphill village before? if never heard of them,they are all over the world and are villages designed for people with developmental or learning disabilities,they do have people on the spectrum living in them but aren't ASD only.
they probably would work with all auties and aspies providing they were not just in apartments and had their own little place instead.

It would be good to have a meetup-am not great with other humans off internet as there is not the same interest/awareness there as there is when speaking online,so usually do not notice people are there unless they're trying to get am attention [usually by shouting and getting face to face]but have wanted to have a WP meet up for some time as feel able to relate to people here a lot better than anywhere else.
people don't really need to sit there and talk for a long time,just being there with those who feel able to like and relate to can make more of a difference.

No one would blame for not getting on with her,very few people do including staff,if anyone from here is looking for a trial aspie to see what it's like living with them,please take Jane now.she would make good use as a footstool or stripper [she strips off anywhere for attention].

KingdomofRats:

I'd just like to join everyone else who has commented on your thread and say that I am glad you will be moving to a new and more peaceful place, away from that disturbing person who has been giving you problems.

I *love* Maine Coons. That is, I adore all cats, but there's just that something special about this breed - maybe it is their sheer size (I found this picture: http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/bigcat2.asp really sweet ), their soft fluffiness or the type of personality they have. I'll be looking forward very much to seeing some pictures of yours, if you decide to get yourself one.

Living with people who have autism is kinda like living with normal people, but they have...autism. Profound mental retardation aside, personality is as varied as the next person, it's probably far more telling in those with mild cases of it as the personality isn't held in by as many walls (Asperger's compared to Kanner's).

Thanks ixochiyo_yohuallan.
am going to stay at parents from tomorrow morning to sunday evening,so will have some peace from her [offer still open on aspie trial with her......notice this idea has not been popular].
she seems to be a little less unstable this evening,but have found out she has downloaded a load of viruses,adware,worms and trojans onto Marks' computer [one of the boys who lives here who isn't able to use a pc,but anyone else can use it],she did it on purpose as it's not her PC and gets her attention....have been rescanning it all day because she keeps clicking it off,now scanning has stopped working.........luckily am have a laptop here with wireless internet so am not depending on that pc anymore but what she is downloading could end up trying to DoS something,or send out spam-don't want to end up banned from sky or whatever because she couldn't get what she wanted.


Good to hear of more maine coon fans on here.
Nothing wrong with having a favourite breed-some people often think when someone has favourite breed,they would ignore the rest
but it's not true,they are all great in their own way,it's good to have preferences so things are more evenly matched.

that ginger maine coon looks beautiful,it says on there how people thought it was a hoax,but some of the older male maine coons at the Manchester and District Cat Show last year looked extremely huge-he doesn't even look fat,it looks like he's a big built cat.
it's a definite that will be getting a cat at least,Maine Coon or Ragdolls.
With Blue Peter [childrens tv programme] having two of them as presenters[?] they are likely to get very popular here and easier to find,but Maine coon is first choice.
some people think am being racist when show them the name of favourite cat [due to the word 'coon',but it's just shortened from racoon anyway].
do they eat a lot more food than regular cats?
any food preferences?

Danielismyname,
agreed,personality comes into it a lot-as does possible comorbids.
Am think Jane actually has a lot more going on than AS,they have said she doesn't have LD or anything like that but her main problem is "severely challenging behaviors".

Well, you know I love cats, but I'm not all that familiar with specific breeds beyond Rexs/Sphinxes (<- these cats have wondrous personalities, IMHO). I had to wiki the Maine Coon.

Just looks like a cat to me. My stray/mutt breed cats have similar colours, but shorter hair. I just hope you get a cat of any kind sometime soon; you seem to really like them, and I can understand that inclination.


Had to wiki Camphill village also. Sounds like an interesting concept. I could imagine myself perhaps living on the outskirts of one of these villages; but I could also see myself living on the outskirts of an Amish village. Sounds like there are several Camphills in the UK; have you thought about living there rather than a group home? Or do you need the group home environment more?

Good fotune,

- Icarus always needs to be on the outskirts...