The drama of not being weird enough

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Inspired by the thread about meeting other aspies and not being on the same wavelength - I think if I met aspies, they'd think I was a weird NT and wouldn't like me. And NTs see me as a normal NT with annoying behaviors.

Any others on the bloody fence like me?

I'm the exact same way. My mom believes me, because she remembers when I stimmed really obviously as a child. But anyone else I attempt to tell, even close friends, don't believe me. They just think I'm a bit obsessive and socially awkward. I hate it - they just think I'm weird, but I'm not weird enough for them to know I might have something that makes me that way, and that I'm not just super awkward.

I pass all interviews with flying colors, then people start getting offended-offended-offended-offended-offended...every breath I take, each movement I make, they find something that is offensive about it. Then comes the hatred, for they are totally sure I'm doing whatever it is on purpose or for lack of caring for others' feelings.

I definitely feel your pain. I tell someone I'm an Aspie, and they usually tell me I have great social skills and WTF am I talking about. But the same thing happens, I interview great, and then work just goes downhill when people start thinking that I'm being rude or catty or unresponsive. They are the ones who are rude and catty, and they always want to read that into our actions/reactions even after we tell them we're AS.

/end rant

So true, Syloport!

This is a huge problem for me- presenting myself well initially, watching my every move be picked apart by the "political correctness" police, then becoming hated/ostracized/the scapegoat. They always seem to think I'm doing it on purpose or trying to be a manipulative jerk. When I try to disclose just enough about my AS, either before or after said offense(s), then I am seen as trying to make excuses and hated all the more. I try to be as friendly and easy going as I can, (quite a challenge for me), so that I can win just enough friends/supporters that they might be willing to forgive the occasional quirk(s), meltdown, odd behavior, etc. I've learned that people generally love to talk about themselves, particularly the outgoing, extroverted NTs, so I let let them ramble on and say supportive things in regard to their surprisingly frank admissions about themselves. This generally accomplishes three things for me: 1. It makes it appear that I'm interested in what their saying which wins me their support/admiration more often than not. 2. It saves me from expending a lot of energy on what is, 9 times out of 10, a pointless conversation about the most inane bunch of hogwash. 3. It arms me with all of the information that I need about them if they ever turn on me and I have to defend myself. Hope this helps. I'm looking foward to hearing about other people's strategies.

I think it is like this.

If you have a physical disease, like for example Hepatitis C, you can take a blood test and find out weather you have it or not. It's a "yes and no" question. Either you have it or you don't.

But when i comes to psychological conditions it sometimes is not that simple. It is not an easy "yes or no" question.

We are ALL neurologically different in the same way that we have different fingerprint etc.

The medical community have to have a manual with diagnos critera to be able to say if someone has enought traits or problems that are associated with the diagnos to be able to determine if anyone has the condition or not. So in that way I guess there is also some way of answering the question with a yes or no (and perhaps some times maybe) from a medical point of view.

But. I think it is important to remember that the concept of a diagnosis is something that people have made up. It is not reality in itself.

Of course, there are all sort of people on the "scale" from, on one hand, typically neurotypical people to, on the other hand, people that are having all diagnos criteria.

Maybe, outside of the purely medical setting, it would be useful to have a concept/a name for it that answers the question "How much AS-traits do you have?" instead of only "Do you have AS or not?"

I think that is very important, Chauo. AS has come to cover so many different traits in such a broad range of intensity, that I think it's time to define sub-sets or degrees of AS.

While some are very affected by one aspect, others are mainly affected by others.

I also pass interviews really well - I honestly think I got into Wellesley College mainly due to the fact that the Dean of Admissions was so impressed by how I came across in my interview. However, once I get into a job or whatever, it falls apart, not because I seem rude, but because I seem dumb/confused/incompetent and probably lazy. An example would be my job at a supermarket. They'd explain how to do a task, and then I'd forget and mess up and freeze up and they'd have to come get me out of the situation - or like, say an item wasn't scanning cuz it was oddly shaped and I couldn't get it positioned on the scanner - I call the supervisor over, she simply rotates the object and it scans. That's a simple solution, but when I'm panicked over a stupid task, things like that don't occur to me. They have to repeatedly explain things to me - I'm always asking questions, and I'm nervous/awkward. I know they thought I was just a little slow or something - they were shocked when I told them where I'd gotten in to college. I mean, they seem to like me well enough as a nice person, but not a good employee. I've always said I'd rather write a research paper or take the SATs than have to do something like run a cash register - I improved over time, but it's so nervewracking and difficult for me. I feel like I'll never be able to succeed to my potential in the professional world, and will end up disappointing my dad, who was a major CIO and VP of a corporation, yet who didn't do well in highschool/college - we are exact opposites.

I'm like that too, quirky, can totally relate.

Did any of you bother seeing a therapist or pursuing some type of diagnosis? I think I might at least talk to someone now that I'm in college but I still feel like they'll think I'm overreacting.

If I saw a professional for evaluation (which in my country is not possible), they'd conclude I was perfectly normal but a total nuisance and they'd tell me to just stop it.

Which country are you from? You say Middle East - I don't actually know your religion or anything, but I had heard that the Islamic religion overall was very accepting of those with disabilities - I could be totally wrong though. I think I would be dismissed, although if I explain stimming, I feel that that would prove my case. It's just not something that can be otherwise explained, in conjunction with my other symptoms.

Israel.

I wish I stimmed, then I wouldn't be blamed for my socially inappropriate behavior.

Yes.

That's "yes, I relate."

I can make a fabulous first impression that people later percieve as misleading, and then they get angry like I've decieved them.

I am dx'd with AS. It was a pretty thorough dx process too. They first ruled out things like social phobia or anxiety disorders. I have seem 3 psychotherapists over teh years to help cope with my depression and problems socializing and just getting by in society general. I found therapy very difficult, because even though I learned lot frrom the cognitive therapy, about why I act and react like I do, I always felt like it was a massive struggle to communicate to teh therapist what I was experiencing. Sometimes I felt rather embarrassed talking about certain things because it seemed so obvious tor trivial to an NT. I don't think I've ever felt so "not NT" as I do sitting in the therapist's office trying to talk about myself and what goes through my head. Anywhere else I can a least fake being normal a little to distract people from how atypical I am.

I always feel people think I overreact and if I talk about what I feel, that they'll think making a big deal over nothing. My family's always been liek that to me - they actually do tell me I overreact.

I didn't realize Israel had such an intolerant climate. The thing with me is, I don't really stim noticeably, unless I'm by myself. And I don't feel comfortable demonstrating, but I could get my parents to attest that i did it as a small child before i learned to hide it better.