How do you explain?

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How can I explain the sublteties of AS and how I experience it, to someone who has the understanding of AS equivalent to a five year old trying to paint a masterpiece? There is all the enthusiasm in the world, but when it comes down to it, most NT's simply are unable to comprehend.
I just cancelled my rsvp to the work xmas party because of my fear of being stuck on a boat with crowds of people who expect me to socialise and be sociable.
now the problem is that I keep thinking that people are making comments and asking why. Like when people are trying talk about you but are whispering so they think you cant hear them. Of course it could just be me being paranoid, but the incidences of whispered conversations has actually increased since I cancelled.
Yet I can't exactly explain to them why. I cited transport difficulties, so they kept offering alternatives and solutions. I then had to try and hint that there were other reasons to awkward to mention. great, that really got them whispering.
The frustrating thing is that I am more than willing to try to explain, but dont want to have to deal with the skepticism or the 'helpful' pointers on how to handle those situations.
So instead I am left with my paranoia, trying to pretend that I am not trying to hear what they are saying.

Send them here.

Well all you can really do is explain how you feel and give facts I suppose. Its impossible to really explain what its like to have AS or what its like to be NT because in order to really convey what its like to others you need to experience both states of mind.

Also, in my experiences, when you are invited to a party and cancel, it seems as tho NT's take offence to this. Its like you dont want to hang out with them in their minds. They dont understand our situation, and unless you have a very good excuse, simply deciding you dont want to go or coming up with other excuses that may not work well is almost insulting to them.

Jeeze... you are in quite the jam, I too have avoided gatherings in the past on account of how I felt or even feared, now I dont miss out on so much, granted its stressful, but I have a better understanding of people now more then ever, I realize I need to get out and make social connections, I like friends (on my terms unfortunatly) and dont want to regret missing out on something good later on in life. I always make time to attend a gathering im invited to, even if I just drop in momentarily, unless something important keeps me away, its always good to show interest in those who want to invite ya. Unfortunatly for us NT's dont really understand how we feel often and expect us to mingle.

I wish ya luck on your troubles. If its just a short gathering I would almost say go and try to enjoy it, you just might have fun!

I find that the standard answer, when AS people try to explain to NTs what their difficulties are, is 'well, everybody has difficulty with that.'

[quote="Henry"]I find that the standard answer, when AS people try to explain to NTs what their difficulties are, is 'well, everybody has difficulty with that.'[/quote]

This is the most common response that I get whenever I try to explain why I dont want to go to the darn party.
Its not that it is an overly long party, just that it is on a boat, away from land, with no escape route. At least with non-boat parties, I have the option of escape if needed.
My problem is that I have been to many parties that have seen me sitting in the corner not knowing a) who to talk to b)what to talk about etc. Usually I either get ignored completely which leaves me depressed, or people make pathetic attempts to talk to me out of pity. I can see the pity in them, and still do not know what to say anyway. Eventually they give up, and I get embarrased and ignored again.
All those folks out there who say 'try doing this' or 'talk about that', clearly do not experience this sort of thing as I do. I know all that already, but seem incapable of actually applying the theory to real situations. Its like writing a shopping list then forgetting to take it with you: you are guaranteed to forget some things.
People here seem to have stopped whispering, so maybe it was just my paranoia? There are other controversies taking place that seem to have drowned out my delinquency.
But the basic fear still remains: I have been bitten once, now I'm twice shy.

What's worse is when someone has no desire to understand.

One of those people who are like "WELL JUST DO IT AND YOU'LL FEEL BETTER".

Is there an Aspie in existence who does not understand this frustration? I think not.