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10 Dec 2007, 10:17 pm

Other aspies seem to get bullied at work and from other grown ups but me I don't get bullied except for online. People don't make fun of me at work or give me s**t. People like my honesty, think I'm very smart and cute, they like my personality. Am I just lucky or is it because I have learned enough NT skills to make my autism spectrum invisible they don't even notice I'm different despite my honesty and straight forwardness.
I always thought the reason why I don't get s**t anymore like I did when I was a kid was because I was a grown up now and grown ups don't usually bully other grown ups and only the a**hole ones do. Plus works have policies about harassment and all so people won't bully because they don't want to lose their jobs over picking on someone.
Or is it because I'm a woman? I was told by my internet friend that's probably why because aspie women have it easier and I'm a hot chick and men would rather hit on me than bully me.



2ukenkerl
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10 Dec 2007, 10:33 pm

Spokane girl,

I hate to say it, but some men DO tend to treat women better, ESPECIALLY if they are pretty, and it doesn't have anything to do with sex really. I'm that way, so I can tell you that IS true!

Still, any bullying I get at work is slight and rare, and some get bullied WORSE! People RARELY make fun of me at work. Some DO kind of like my honesty. One literally BEGGED for it! He asked me to "SPEAK UP" if I saw something I didn't like.

They generally think I am smart. Most seem ok with my personality also. I WISH I knew if any of the nice women considered me attractive. :cry:



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10 Dec 2007, 10:37 pm

i dont think ive ever worked somewhere at a job with another aspie. you guys must be special



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10 Dec 2007, 10:41 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Or is it because I'm a woman? I was told by my internet friend that's probably why because aspie women have it easier and I'm a hot chick and men would rather hit on me than bully me.


Men might not bully you, but when they get together they might make fun of you. But, since you are a hot chick, and since most men are, by nature, full of lust, no man in his right mind is going to mistreat you. Actually, what is it that you do that makes you think a man would want to bully you?



10 Dec 2007, 10:58 pm

Because I'm different and my social skills are ret*d and I don't pick up on social cues and I know very little non verbal cues. Lot of aspies get bullied. I hear that a lot on the forums. They get bullied at work, at school etc and I don't get that crap. I used to be made fun a lot when I was a kid until my family moved to Montana. I didn't get bullied or made fun of there and my shrink said it was because my social skills were better but no I thought it was because kids in that small town don't bully kids who are different. My last bf said it was because in small towns you get shunned for picking on someone who is disabled or different, even if they look like everyone else. So people didn't pick on me or they be the bad guys, not me.

Being bullied in school and then the next year, bam no one is bullying you, it's like it happened over night, doesn't seem possible.
We moved was why so to me it was obvious why I wasn't bullied because of the kind of town we were in. If we stayed living in Washington, I would have been bullied in junior high and in high school. I might have even dropped out thinking screw London, I hate school. So no I don't think it was because of I had better social skills, I think it was because of what kind of school it was and what kind of kids there were.
Then I move to Portland and I was told in big cities you get bullied because people can get away with it because there are so many people and they won't be shunned for it so I will get bullied and mistreated and people will laugh at me and make fun of me the things I say and do and what I like but boy was he wrong. I never gotten any of that. No one has made fun of me for liking kid shows or liking Hello Kitty or liking Spokane.



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10 Dec 2007, 10:59 pm

Mw99 wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
Or is it because I'm a woman? I was told by my internet friend that's probably why because aspie women have it easier and I'm a hot chick and men would rather hit on me than bully me.


Men might not bully you, but when they get together they might make fun of you. But, since you are a hot chick, and since most men are, by nature, full of lust, no man in his right mind is going to mistreat you. Actually, what is it that you do that makes you think a man would want to bully you?

thats exactly what I said!



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10 Dec 2007, 11:10 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
Because I'm different and my social skills are ret*d and I don't pick up on social cues and I know very little non verbal cues. Lot of aspies get bullied. I hear that a lot on the forums. They get bullied at work, at school etc and I don't get that crap. I used to be made fun a lot when I was a kid until my family moved to Montana. I didn't get bullied or made fun of there and my shrink said it was because my social skills were better but no I thought it was because kids in that small town don't bully kids who are different. My last bf said it was because in small towns you get shunned for picking on someone who is disabled or different, even if they look like everyone else. So people didn't pick on me or they be the bad guys, not me.

Being bullied in school and then the next year, bam no one is bullying you, it's like it happened over night, doesn't seem possible.
We moved was why so to me it was obvious why I wasn't bullied because of the kind of town we were in. If we stayed living in Washington, I would have been bullied in junior high and in high school. I might have even dropped out thinking screw London, I hate school. So no I don't think it was because of I had better social skills, I think it was because of what kind of school it was and what kind of kids there were.
Then I move to Portland and I was told in big cities you get bullied because people can get away with it because there are so many people and they won't be shunned for it so I will get bullied and mistreated and people will laugh at me and make fun of me the things I say and do and what I like but boy was he wrong. I never gotten any of that. No one has made fun of me for liking kid shows or liking Hello Kitty or liking Spokane.


Look at the bright side of it: you are a hot chick. That means you are better off than most aspie women out there.



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10 Dec 2007, 11:14 pm

It is indeed true that some men treat women better if they are "hot"...even if they do act slightly differently than the majority of others.
It may be because they just want you to give them meaningless sex, or ir may be because they genuinly think that you are a nice person. I am not 100% sure of the motive, I am not a man.

Your social skills may have improved overtime, as quite a few people do with life experience. That could be a factor in why you are not bullied. You are right though, adults [well most of them] like to keep bullying out of the work place as they don't want to get fired.
They sometimes though, bully people in their own time...say discuss things with their friends about another person.
I am not saying this is happening to you, it's just something that does happen to a lot of people.

I would consider you lucky though.


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11 Dec 2007, 12:05 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
So no I don't think it was because of I had better social skills, I think it was because of what kind of school it was and what kind of kids there were.

A weird thing happened to me- I volunteered to help with lunch at my friend's kids' school (6th-8th grades, both boys and girls). All the kids seemed to get along, even the few kids that seemed a little "different" or what have you. Kids sat together at big tables and just talked and ate. There was no sign whatsoever of bullying or not getting along. I couldn't believe it, because it seemed so different than my own school experiences at that age.
But, as an adult at work, I have to say that being a reasonably attractive female must definitely help things. Males that are different than the norm definitely seem to have a harder time.



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11 Dec 2007, 12:18 am

I don't get bullied at work, and I'm not a chick .... or hot for that matter :)

I think it depends where you work.

For example; if you work with the same sort of "dickheads" that were bullies at your school, they'd probably bully you. The thing is that those sorts of people are generally low intellect trolls and do menial type jobs.

Females, particularly hot ones generally don't need to mix with trolls. Males on the other hand do.

I think that if you could be a fly on the wall in a troll workplace where you'd mixed with them, you'd probably hear a lot of things you wouldn't like - hot or not - (actually, especially if you were hot).

I used to work with miners and the things I used to hear about our poor female IT co-worker were awful. I used to give her other work to keep her away from those areas.



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11 Dec 2007, 1:54 am

I was bullied a lot in school, but on the job, no, I can't say I've really been "bullied". I guess now what happens is I find myself being manipulated, subtley coerced or "guilted" into doing this or not doing that, and smiled at to my face but sniped at behind my back. Mind you, this wasn't ALL of my coworkers doing this, or even at all jobs I've had. But yeah, most of the jobs, to some degree, and at least two people at those were very two-faced to me, and apparently expected me not to notice. (And honestly, for awhile, I really didn't see it - they were SO friendly to me and we even hung out off-work a few times, had laughs, etc - which was why i was so devastated when it all came down one day and the TRUTH came out. Haven't spoken to either person since.)

It seems like people say I'm either too "aloof," or too overly demonstrative, or too verbal, or something. I don't know. I think there's just no pleasing some people, or understanding many of them, either. I just know if someone is bullying me or manipulating me, there's something wrong with them and I need to put as much distance between me and them as possible.

"When you see crazy coming, cross the street." ;)



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11 Dec 2007, 4:52 am

I wouldn't have thought being a 'hot chick' would stop other female workers from bullying though... I've always had to deal with women being bitchy or two-faced towards me. They're so difficult to read.

I'm glad you don't have trouble at work.


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11 Dec 2007, 6:55 am

Brittany2907 wrote:
It is indeed true that some men treat women better if they are "hot"...even if they do act slightly differently than the majority of others.
It may be because they just want you to give them meaningless sex, or ir may be because they genuinly think that you are a nice person. I am not 100% sure of the motive, I am not a man.


Well, I'm a man and I don't understand it. I think I have ALWAYS been that way. It doesn't even really matter that much if they are pretty. I've been that way as long as I can remember. And I don't have any motive. I'm not even sure why I do it. I may not ever see them again.



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11 Dec 2007, 12:44 pm

I did get bullied at work although its not as bad as it was in skool n at da same tym a lot of ppl at work said 2 me dat u don't have a disability cos i did get a lot praise 4rm dem as i was a hard worker.



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11 Dec 2007, 2:48 pm

Quote:
Brittany2907 wrote:
It is indeed true that some men treat women better if they are "hot"...even if they do act slightly differently than the majority of others.
It may be because they just want you to give them meaningless sex, or ir may be because they genuinly think that you are a nice person. I am not 100% sure of the motive, I am not a man.


I'm a married man.

If a beautiful (or not necessarily perfect) girl smiles at me, even just walking down the street, it makes my day. Obviously I'll be nice to her. Not the same with a good looking bloke - then it's just weird.

If a quirky girl does weird things around me, it can be a bit of a turn-on. That's because there's something pretty "kinky" about geeky girls (sorry if I offend) :oops:

Geeky guys don't do that for me.

So, I'll be much more tolerant for females than males with the only exception being if an Ogre female starts shouting/harassing. Even then, I'll often charm/calm them down or move away. There's not much chance I'd try to charm an angry guy.



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11 Dec 2007, 5:58 pm

Hmm.

I’ve worked with several Aspies in past jobs and not once has one been bullied.

One particular guy I remember – most definitely Aspie as he showed many of the traits that make it recognisable. He would never speak loudly interestingly enough, no perception of his own volume. Was shy as hell until we got onto a subject he was interested in...then shutting him up was next to impossible. Face-blind quite obviously, amazingly generous guy. ‘Weird’ is how my colleagues described him, but strangely enough people decided that weird aside, they liked him, and he quickly became friends with the other staff. Awkward, talkative to a fault and had eye contact issues, but no one really gave a damn afterward.

In fact, since I work up the road now, we still bump into each other getting coffee at the local café and have a good chat :)

One of the catalysts can often be simply one fellow employee. He was at risk of being shunned for being so unusual, but because I have a better understanding of ASD as I’m dating an Aspie, it was easy to convince my colleagues that he was the way he was and to just accept him.

You may find that in your own work situations – if you can grow a little closer to at least one other person at work and make them at least an ‘aquaintence’, there is a high chance they will readily stick up for you and make efforts to make your social situation at work far more enjoyable and comfortable. You don’t even need to be friends. Most likely, if they catch someone being rude to you to your face or behind your back, they might be inclined to give the person the ‘Oi, where do you get off being a jerk? Cut it out’ treatment for you.