new here and some lonely thoughts

Post Reply New Topic

When I first came to the realization (in the last couple of months) that I had this, I was put into despair. I read all the symptoms and it just matched my entire life. I had the sinking feeling in my soul like when you get the news someone you love has died suddenly. I always knew my weaknesses socially and that I was different, but my optimism of growing out of that and becoming "normal" superceded the present. Now I simply feel I am a result of genetics (I see all the same symptoms/behaviors in my dad) that I had no part on choosing and did nothing to deserve.

The greatest tragedy of this enitre "AS" is the loneliness. I have never had a girlfriend and few friends; I never seem to make friends with normal people. Being a 23 year old guy and alone with no hope yet an unbearable desire to be with someone is incomprehensible. People can talk about pain, punishment and torture but how do you describe (in words) the consequences of being "socially ret*d" and unable to build relationships and integrate? Honestly, I want to know.
Girls are initially attracted to me, it's when it comes to going out on a date for example, that I prove myself to be a complete foolish uninteresting jackass with low self-esteem. It seems the girls that are willing to put up with me I blow off anyway.

Ever since this discovery of AS I just seem to get in more and more despair. I don't want to play on the self-pity attitude. Man is not made to be alone, and if I have no hope of not being alone, then what is the purpose. I feel as if I have this secret that I can't discuss with anybody for fear of ridicule and their perceptions. I am caring less and less about things in life.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Learning that I have AS has been a struggle for me too, like it hit home all of a sudden that I was never going to be able to learn to be just like everyone else.

Being here, and knowing I'm not the only one to have gone through this, helps immensely and I've seen that support offered across the boards. I think you have come to the right place.

Welcome to WP, I'm glad you are here.

After finding out they have AS, some people feel an initial relief followed by an "Aw, geez!" reaction. I did. I was trying to "come out of my shell" when I found out. I had plans I wasn't looking forward to for socializing more so I wouldn't be so prone to depression. Frankly, I'd rather have the depression, but that's me. You make your own choices.

Don't limit yourself based on what you read about. "People with AS can do A really well but they're not good at B." Barf! Do what looks interesting. Also do what you need to learn to interact with people. There are threads here with suggestions on books to read and places to go to learn social skills. Start with Emily Post's etiquette books at the library and go from there.

Some of us are good at math and science, some not. Some are good teachers and counselors, some not. Some are good writers, some not. Some marry, some don't. Some hate to lie, some are cheap rugs. You have to learn who you are based on your experiences and reflections, so experience and reflect.

ooouuummm.....

EEP!

errmmmhmmm....

Don't despair.

Like today I was making pizza at work and my toe just barely touched the wheel of a moving table and i completely dropped the pizza and the toppings went EVERYWHERE. It shocked me. The sound of the metal pan slamming into the floor did.

And then I laffed about it and my manager looked at me funny. :rofl:

I get a kick out of peoples' reactions to my reactions and the looks on their faces.

zomg and then we had this one chick call us and she was high on dimerol and trying to order pizza and stuff and it was really funny......

Anyways, you don't have to have a "disorder" , you DO have funny little habits that when all added together equal what the majority of people in our world today consider to be "autism".

And nobody is normal. No, really, nobody is normal. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

And normal isnt "normal" its the majority and what is considered "general".

And besides that I think that with the way things are going in about 50 years or something "normal" people will actually be what is considered today to be "autistic"...and the narcissistic little chits that are trying to medicate us to fit into their definition of "normal" allbeit normal at the moment, will be the ones with the so-detested "disorder" with which you have unfairly let others label you.

KK?

Edit: As far as loneliness, stop looking so hard and you'll find someone/s.

Just make an effort to talk to the nice people who give you coffee(or donuts or mccdees biscuit or whatever) every morning at 8.30. No, you dont have to look them in the eye. When they say "hi, how are you" say "I'm doing fine".
or
"today isn't going so well"
"aww...what happened?"
"i forgot my socks" (which i actually did this morning hahaha... but i didn't stop for coffee! *sob*)
(put in whatever went wrong in as little detail as possible. They don't want to know if you forget your underwear btw.....keep it to something they might actually see under normal circumstances).
"aaahhwww..that sux. I forget stuff/things too sometimes"

They might think it strange you forgot to put on socks (or whatever), but as they were brought up to be nice (and because your a regular customer)they won't mention it.

If they do mention that its weird just look shocked and say "excuse me?" and then walk away before they say anything.

Leave it at that.

And as time goes on you'll get better at conversation and stuffs. Or something.

WEll...it couldn't be any worse than the position you'r in now, could it?

(edit: .........rambling.................... )

Try to get a good therapist, e.g. someone that perhaps specialises in autistic kids, to help you over your feelings. Being an aspie will eventually be a positive experience, just believe that. I also went through a very depressed phase, and someone helped me make peace with the stuff I can't change and saw the value in the positive things that I do possess. Just don't loose hope, take it day by day. These are just first steps and they are hard. Keep hanging out on WP - it does help !

Many here have been through the same thing. Keep on talking about it... that's what "the haven" is for if it gets really bad. Try not to go through it alone. WP is here...

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hello despaired, and I'm sorry to hear that your realisation of being somewhere "on the spectrum" has made you feel so terrible. Please don't allow your depression to get the upper hand. Ask for help if you need it.

Find out as much as you can about Asperger Syndrome. This will go a long way toward dispelling any fears you may have about your long-term prospects in relationships, work, and life in general. You might picture the world as being divided into neurotypicals having all the fun on one side, and people on the autistic spectrum on the other side feeling miserable and out of it. But once you are less depressed, you will see that this is not a true picture, and hopefully you will regain your optimism.

Meantime, welcome here at Wrong Planet.

Welcome to WP, despaired, hopefully you will have a good look around the sight, join in with a few discussions and find out some stuff about yourself that maybe you did not know. I have only been here a short time, having only come across my predicament in September, but in this short time I have found common ground, and felt better that there really is more than just me going through the early stages of discovery. Places like the Haven are always good if you are feeling down, and off the wall is good if you are feeling a bit goofy.

It's a matter of peception, now you know were you are, witch is a great first step, after all all jonerys start from "A" and goto "B".

Well I found descovering a relef any way.

First post.

I was talking with my NT sister last night, and I asked her if she recalled how she felt when she finally "got it" that she was gay.
There's bad things and good things with it, but you are whom you are. You do the best you can with what you've got.

I'm still in the "figuring out" stage, but I'm so damned relieved to FINALLY know what it is; my daughter has it as well, and now that I know what it is, I can address it so much better, and we've stopped fighting over the small stuff and learning to accept who we are instead of trying to fit into someone else's mold of who they think we should be.

Friendship really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, it can be a lot of fun to share good times with people you care about, but in the end, friendship is just another attachment, in the Buddhist sense, that prevents most people from truly seeing how things are. Your average person is so concerned with the inner workings of his social circle, gossiping, comparing himself to others, etc. that he will never introspect to the point of any real knowledge or enlightenment.

Don't be fooled by the behavior of others. People seek friends and relationships because they are scared. They are scared of this reality, scared of feeling unimportant, scared of death, scared of being alone. When you understand the true nature of human existence, you will see that all of these fears are ridiculous. Not only are they ridiculous, but also friendship will do absolutely nothing to relieve the fears in any real, lasting way. Friendship only provides distraction from the truth.

Don't get me wrong... I love my friends. I love intimacy, opening up to loved ones, caring, compassion, sharing... they are pleasurable things. But they aren't the answer. The grass is always greener, but you would probably be surprised at just how unhappy some of the most popular and socially respected people in this world really are.