Empathy

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Do you need to feel empathy for everybody? If you don't, does that make you some sort of a sociopath?! I did feel empathy for certain people, I did care for well-being (though unintentionally probably didn't contribute to it) and I still do care for some people a lot.

Please define "empathy" and how one should really feel for bullies. I know many people don't feel empathy for me, and would gladly see me pay very dearly for everything I've done in the past. Does that make them sociopaths? I'm hoping someone can answer my question.

I don't have any problems with empathy. I am very good at it.

Tim

People with autism lack empathy. I don't feel for any genocide or homicide unless it involves someone I care for, but then, it's grief at the loss or sadness for their pain (I don't like it when people I care for are in pain).

Empathy is "feeling" the pain/emotions of someone else, feeling for them when you haven't directly been involved in a similar or the same situation.

Empathy is about feeling the emotions of other people, your friend is sad so you are sad.

Not all empathy is good, mob violence is heavily attributed to empathy. Not all lack of empathy is bad, its sometimes easier to see the reality of the situation when you are unclouded by emotion. I have helped many friends solve problems they couldnt see the answer to because they were too upset.

When those close to me are in pain or distress, especially my family (I live in a very tight-knit but dysfunctional family), I also feel distressed. It's not a good feeling, but it would be selfish not to care.

I try really hard to treat bullies with empathetic respect, but it's just close to impossible sometimes.

Empathy is the feeling of relatedness, connectedness, feeling of compassion and understanding of self and another without JUDGMENT or CYNACISM. . If you hurt, I can empathize with you, because this feeling is known to me from my experience. I understand where you're coming from and I hold it in my heart for a while to turn it over with some loving contemplation. Through empathy I can help transform the energy simply by serving as a synthesizer, conduit through my mind and intentions. I can offer up - through my empathy - an unspoken prayer for healing. I can have empathy for myself - which requires stepping away in detachment - viewing the situation with objectivity and doing the same process with myself and bring more love into a seemingly loveless and hopeless situation.

I think that what STOPS me from feeling empathy is the overriding adrenaline being pumped from being triggered (hi ((*AMYGDALA*)) and the sheer impatience this causes.

Last edited by jjstar on 12 Dec 2007, 10:19 am, edited 3 times in total.

There is a difference between sympathy and empathy, and empathy is much more difficult to comprehend, even for NT's..When my daughter was studying in the medical field, they needed to separate empathy and sympathy, to understand a patient's needs ...we feel sympathy, sadness for someone who has just lost a loved one, but we truly do not know what that person 's anguish really is, we feel more sorry for them..That is sympathy, when you feel sorry for them ..empathy is understanding their plight, their anguish, fear, etc, in a caring way....you feel what it is like to be in their position and you connect with them without feeling pity for them, you are at their level of needs and wants...This is how I comprehend empathy vs. sympathy..years ago I heard sympathy was pitying someone, but that seems pretty harsh.....

By your definition of empathy, then, it's something I can say I do feel for those closest to me (which are actually pretty much family members).

Not being judgmental or cynical of others can be more difficult. I know deep down that it's not something I should be doing even though others do, but I've given up trying, and that's not a good thing.

It's just that judgement and cynicism <sp> interfere with the process of empathizing - feeling the sorrow, joy, soul of another. How can I feel you when I am judging you? How can I love you if I am being the judge of you? Whenever I do that, I am essentially doing damage to myself rendering me useless to both you in your pain and to me compounding my own.

I am vary empathic with people that allow me to get to know them,
strangers I have a much harder time with,
many NT's seem a little empathic to me but hardly care for what they see,
but then again there are people like my ex-girlfriend,
she has no empathy, never really has, she does not want it,
it makes her feel guilty or so she says.

True, but easier said than done.

Which brings me to my next point: someone mentioned "unconditional love" somewhere, earlier. How can you feel empathy to such a level when you don't like the person, are judgemental and cynical?

Here you go:

On empathy and autism:



I have none.

In a more technical sense, I think empathy means being able to figure out another person's emotional state. This includes positive emotions like happiness and other emotions like boredom and apathy.

Also, emotions color everything we do all the time. Their strength varies all the time, though, giving us the impression that they're only present part of the time. With autistic, we tend to be alexithymic, meaning we are not aware of them as much as NTs are.

I would strongly recommend you read Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence. It's written by a NY Times reporter who got his Ph.D. in Psychology from Harvard. I would strongly recommend reading Chapters 1 and 3-8. The rest is more applied stuff. Chap 2 is more technical and dense.

Last edited by psychedelic on 12 Dec 2007, 10:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

You do not need to feel empathy for everyone.
Lack of empathy for people does not make you a sociopath.
Even neurotypicals, even still the highly emotional ones, do not feel empathy for everyone.
Desire for retribution is human nature and does not make a person a sociopath.

Empathy is the ability to identify with and have an intimate understanding of someone else's feelings,thoughts and motives,regardless of whether they involve good intentions or not.Although it's more complicated for those on the spectrum to do this,I think the abilities of the general population to do it are over-rated.

The world has become so obsessed with materialism and a desire for 'instant' success and happiness that the qualities associated with empathy are often
marginalised in many people's minds. In some cases people with AS may even
have a better ability to empathise,such as with other minorities like immigrants
or those with bi-polar depression etc.

Let's just get clear on some dynamics - you perceive in others what you yourself are. That probably needs some repeating because until it is understood and embraced - we just keep on judging and feeling smugly superior to others while we get off scott free from all responsibility.So - people are and have always been our mirrors. They are simply being our teachers. We get to learn from them how come across. And we really hate that because it's so bloody uncomfortable and annoying! How dare they be human! And so we go along life punishing everyone for being human. Especially ourselves. We're in the wrong place. Wrong planet. Surely it's all been a horrible experiment gone wrong! So - they're hard to love, eh? Hard to empathize with them? That's the whole lesson. If it wasn' hard, you couldn't graduate with honors from this school called Earth. So -now you just need to find something in YOU that you can love and start some self-inquiries about your assets and deficits, your charms and your less-than-lovely *routines* that other people no doubt have called you on. In short. Get honest and love your shadows. In that you will see other people's pain and their shadows. And still be able to love them.