What do you wish your parents/caregivers knew?

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Hi all,

My nephew who is 2 and a half is currently going through assesment for Asperger's. I was a kid with ADHD and learning disabilities myself and I hope that my nephew grows up knowing he offers a different perspective on things, and not seeing being an Aspie as having something "wrong" with him.

Aside from hopefully being able to be supportive for my nephew, I also want to be supportive for his parents. Many of the resources geared towards parents are from professionals who work with Aspies. I haven't seen anything from Aspies themselves directed to parents raising children with Asperger's.

So I thought I'd post here to see if anyone can refer me to such materials or a website; and to ask members on this list who are teenagers and older what they wish their parents or caregivers knew about you or about Asperger's when you were a child?

Be patient!!

Explain things to him in a non-patronising manner. I still remember my mother explaining to me that when someone gives you a compliment, you smile, say thank you, and accept it. I'll always thank her for those little things.

Encourage his abilities - never tell him he has a 'disease' or 'problem' or 'disorder' or anything with negative connotations.

Always stand by him and forgive any 'silly little things'.

And again, be patient. Because you'll need it, but it will get you so, so far.

The two things which come to mind immediately are:

1. Allow for that fact that your child may sometimes need 'alone' time - possibly quite a lot of alone time - and don't be offended by this, or pressure your child into socialising when they wish to be alone. I know that in my case, 'alone time' is how I recharge and recover from stressful situations. My health actually gets worse if I have to be around people all of the time as I find it stressful and tiring.

2. Be aware that your child might have some sensory issues, so, for example, particular noises or particular fabrics might actually cause pain. When this happened to me, my parents disciplined me as they decided that because the noise / fabric / light etc. didn't hurt them, I was therefore just being silly or naughty or 'spoilt'.
They didn't recognise that I was in real pain and that I was genuinely distressed.

I hope this helps