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lupin
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01 Jan 2008, 8:57 am

Now, see, this is what really confuses me....I'm watching the whole run of a particular tv series and listening intently to the dialogue. I am assuming all the characters are NT....and this sort of dialogue comes up:

Woman: 'Are you ok?'

Man: 'It's Selmak, he's dying.'

Woman: 'Oh my God, I'm sorry!'

Man: 'It's ok, he's doing ok.'


Now how on God's earth is this Selmak 'ok'?! He's dying!



Also:

1st colleague, crying after co-worker has been killed.

2nd colleague: 'Are you ok?'

1st colleague: 'Yeah <sniff> I'm fine.'

2nd colleague, says nothing. Camera lingers on the pair sitting side by side.


'FINE'?! ! FINE? She's crying and very upset for goodness' sake!



I don't get it, I just do not get it. And they say people with ASDs have communication problems....



merr
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01 Jan 2008, 10:59 am

lol, that sounds like they need to fire some writers on those shows.



fivecents
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01 Jan 2008, 11:18 am

I agree with Merr. Hopefully the writers strike will give them time to come up with better dialogue.

TV is not reality. Even the reality shows are scripted.

The word “fine” is a cover up we use most of the time, as no one really cares about how we feel or that we are falling apart.


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sartresue
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01 Jan 2008, 12:06 pm

Talk Killer topic

This is a very interesting topic. I have been analyzing NTs' communication for years in both fact and fiction and one commonality they all seem to share is that NTs are very skilled at killing communication threads. In other words, they know how to stop a conversation very well, just as they know uncannily how to start one. By saying "I am fine, it is ok," they put a halt to all further analyses. I have sometimes imitated this skill, and even if done in a clumsy way, it works, if even briefly. I do not like to use it because I consider it demeaning and almost trivial. I am almost compelled to carry the conversation to its logical or appropiate end but well, NTs are what they are, do not blame me.

The funny thing is they all seem to understand what each other is saying, as if they have studied the code book and know the rules, which is what makes them NT in the first place.

NTs personify the concept of the conversational non sequitur.


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pakled
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01 Jan 2008, 12:31 pm

or it could just be 'sympathy received, situation under control, I'll handle this,nothing to see here, move along'

that's how it strikes me...



KimJ
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01 Jan 2008, 1:49 pm

What sartresue says and to add, it's a residual from the Victorian era when it was improper to display emotion or to complain. It's jumbled these days because it's okay to cry in public or to whine about something. But it's still more socially appropriate to kill the "emotional analysis" like sartresue says.
Saying, "It's not okay" is asking someone to either "help" or give more of something. I think asking for this is is starting to be more acceptable.
Watching someone cry over death while they're saying they're "okay" leads to a lot of miscommunication and eventually unmet expectations. They're saying they don't want help but they do. Or maybe they don't.



VMSnith
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01 Jan 2008, 10:16 pm

Hahaha, Let me try to translate NT into Aspie ...

-- NT Version --
Woman: 'Are you ok?'
Man: 'It's Selmak, he's dying.'
Woman: 'Oh my God, I'm sorry!'
Man: 'It's ok, he's doing ok.'

-- Aspie Version --
Woman: "Are you OK?"
Man : "Better than Selmak - he's dying."
Woman : "That just means he's not dead yet. We're all not dead yet."
Man : "True. Go away now, please."



lupin
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01 Jan 2008, 11:04 pm

fivecents wrote:
I agree with Merr. Hopefully the writers strike will give them time to come up with better dialogue.

TV is not reality. Even the reality shows are scripted.

The word “fine” is a cover up we use most of the time, as no one really cares about how we feel or that we are falling apart.


I think that's what I suspected: no one really cares...

but we go along with the other person's pretence that they care...an endless loop of deception - for why? A mutual ego-stroking fest?

see, that so profoundly injures me somewhere, I NEED to be honest and not playact.



lupin
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01 Jan 2008, 11:10 pm

sartresue wrote:
Talk Killer topic

This is a very interesting topic. I have been analyzing NTs' communication for years in both fact and fiction and one commonality they all seem to share is that NTs are very skilled at killing communication threads.


Errrrmmm...that's an 'interesting' observation!

Quote:
In other words, they know how to stop a conversation very well, just as they know uncannily how to start one. By saying "I am fine, it is ok," they put a halt to all further analyses. I have sometimes imitated this skill, and even if done in a clumsy way, it works, if even briefly. I do not like to use it because I consider it demeaning and almost trivial. I am almost compelled to carry the conversation to its logical or appropiate end but well, NTs are what they are, do not blame me.

The funny thing is they all seem to understand what each other is saying, as if they have studied the code book and know the rules, which is what makes them NT in the first place.

NTs personify the concept of the conversational non sequitur.


I know what you mean by the demeaning feeling. I think the thing is that our code book is so very literal.

yes, NT people do have a knack of steering subjects out of a conversation - killing them, as you said. It's a skill.

I don't think NT people can really know how their rules really cause me profound discomfort.



lupin
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01 Jan 2008, 11:14 pm

VMSnith wrote:
Hahaha, Let me try to translate NT into Aspie ...

-- NT Version --
Woman: 'Are you ok?'
Man: 'It's Selmak, he's dying.'
Woman: 'Oh my God, I'm sorry!'
Man: 'It's ok, he's doing ok.'

-- Aspie Version --
Woman: "Are you OK?"
Man : "Better than Selmak - he's dying."
Woman : "That just means he's not dead yet. We're all not dead yet."
Man : "True. Go away now, please."


:lol: Oh Wow! That makes MUCH more sense!



arem
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01 Jan 2008, 11:17 pm

The "I'm OK" stuff there is more of a "I'm coping, thanks for asking" than anything.

(and I like your choice in TV shows ;) )


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lupin
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01 Jan 2008, 11:19 pm

KimJ wrote:
What sartresue says and to add, it's a residual from the Victorian era when it was improper to display emotion or to complain. It's jumbled these days because it's okay to cry in public or to whine about something. But it's still more socially appropriate to kill the "emotional analysis" like sartresue says.
Saying, "It's not okay" is asking someone to either "help" or give more of something. I think asking for this is is starting to be more acceptable.
Watching someone cry over death while they're saying they're "okay" leads to a lot of miscommunication and eventually unmet expectations. They're saying they don't want help but they do. Or maybe they don't.


""It's not okay" is asking someone to either "help" or give more of something. "
Is this really what NT's hear when I say 'I'm not ok'?

All along I know I'm just saying plainly, 'I am not ok' and nothing more - and they take that as a cue to give or do something? Where did I ask for anything?! !

No wonder, no flippin' wonder that there are so many problems in the world with this abysmal level of 'communication',

And they tell us that WE have communication problems!! !