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http://www.arbiteronline.com/vnews/disp ... 29a606276b

How many carbs are in a chocolate vagina?

Women's Center takes some heat for passing out a tasty treat

By Drew Mayes
Opinions Editor
August 29, 2005


Well, it’s been a whole week into the semester, and things are already getting pretty wacky on campus. The conservatives are up in arms about the chocolate vaginas that were passed out by the Women’s Center on campus.

They even got their good ol’ pill popping drug addict hero to rally the troops, because nobody should be saying the word “vagina” or eating chocolate on a public campus according to the right wing. Is that seriously the best way for the monster that is conservative talk radio to spend its time?

Yeah, forget about the war in Iraq or immigration laws, because chocolate vaginas are public enemy number one.

On the other side, liberals are screaming, “What’s the big deal? Vagina is not a dirty word.” Of course it’s not a dirty word. When was the last time a woman was talking dirty in bed with her partner and shouted out “Blank my vagina?” Oh, yeah, that’s hot.

I mean seriously ladies, if you’re breaking out the word “vagina” during dirty pillow talk time, you might as well just scream “think of your mom” right before climax.

But come on, let’s be honest here. Show me the liberal that would not be offended by somebody asking them to walk around campus with a big chocolate penis.

Imagine if either of those had cream filling ... like one of those Cadbury Easter eggs. Especially in the recent 100-degree weather — talk about messy. Seriously, who wouldn’t be offended by a site like that?

What’s being lost in all the media hype is the purpose the chocolate vaginas were fulfilling.

Oh, I get it now, fulfilling ... chocolate, cleaver girls. Anyways, these delicious treats were being used to promote the upcoming annual production of the “Vagina Monologues.”

Of course, our crack-a-lacking local media forgot to mention that nine times out of ten, literature on the “Vagina Monologues” accompanied the chocolate vaginas, and the one time it didn’t was simply an honest mistake by an unknowing student.

Not quite the radical “feminazi” conspiracy to take over the world with chocolate vaginas it was played up as.

The best part of this whole story though has to be President Kustra apologizing for the Women’s Center and their actions. How freaking ironic is it that “The man” has to apologize for his “out of line women?”

I had no idea our administration was so into apologizing for good intentioned, albeit bad, decisions these days. Since that is the case, I have made a little list of things I would like to see them apologize for next:



• The mess that is parking on campus

• Not hiring enough teachers

• Having such thin walls in the Multi-Purpose Building that I can hear the oversized class next to me when I’m trying to take a test

• Actually naming a building the “Multi-Purpose Building”

• Charging graduate students higher fees just because they are graduate students and its your last chance to screw them

• Finally, not selling any Taco Bell food in Taco Bell Arena

Ok, so that last one is not very important, but when am I going to get this chance again? What would you like to see the administration apologize for?