Why are Many with AS so passive and unwilling to fight back?

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I'm NT. I survived elementary and middle school in a bad neighborhood by recognizing potential threats and steering clear of them. If all else failed, I ran away. I never got beat up or in trouble for fighting. If that makes me a coward, I'm okay with that.

Today, as a middle-aged woman, fighting doesn't come up. If some other woman makes me angry, I just walk away from her. Life is too short to get into arguments with other people. I'm trying to teach my son the same lesson....unfortunately, he doesn't know how to back down and I've had to rescue him several times from getting beat down.

Yeah fight back physically and get arrested for it. Doesn't matter if you're the victim or not. Some laws are messed up. Especially a juvenile starts hitting you and you have no way to escape or get away because he has you trapped, push him away and you're arrested because the defendant was underage. That happened with my boyfriend when he was about 20 because his cousin was 17 even though he be 18 the next day but they still had to try him as juvenile because he was still 17. But luckily the charges were dropped when his teachers said what a great student he is.

You're not allowed to defend yourself against a juvenile to get them off you and you can't get them off assertively because they're the size of an adult.


What happens if a 16 year old tries to rape a 25 year old and he is able to hold her town and the lady isn't strong enough to push him away, she can't defend herself or she get charged for it because the kid is underage. But when juveniles kill grownups or rape them, they get charged for it, but when grown ups defend themselves against them, they get charged for it instead. Something needs to be done about that. Change the law about it. Grownups will have rights to defend themselves if the juvenile is the size of an adult. Yes children can be bigger than some adults. I am bigger than some adults and have been since I was 12 years old. I was taller and bigger and some grow ups are petite and small meaning thinner than me. My 17 year old brother is bigger than me. Has been since he was 12. He's a size of a man, not a boy.

I don't have problems with strangers. I have never been stopped and get beat up or picked on.

I find this topic absurd. I am pretty comfortable with myself that if I need to fight I can pretty much take care of myself. The only hesitant to such a confrontation would be the way I think. I over analyze situations: Do I really want to fight? Will the fight end all provocations? Will I in turn have others come after me? Will I be expelled, sued, jailed? What will I gain? ego?

That is why I don't fight. It would take plenty to get me angry enough to fight, and I really don't like myself when I'm angry. Even when I was in competitions, every time I scored a point I would ask "Are you alright? Was that O.k.?" which, sadly, irritated the other person. Ha



I guess it might be attributed to OCD??

Absurd topic? I completely disagree!

Reading through this topic, I see that most don't like physical confrontation even though some have engaged in it. Understandable.

"Fighting back" however doesn't just include physical. What Anbuend said is a great example. There are ways to fight without physicality - and she did it despite the pitfalls because she knew what was right, and pursued it through to the end.

I'm the same.

For two years I was stalked on the Internet by a teenage bully in South Australia. No matter what I tried to keep him away from my forum, he and an accomplice kept showing up. He also showed up on other forums that I'd joined, abusing and threatening me.

I took the matter to court, and got a restraining order against him. His refusal to attend helped the order go through. Trouble was the order only worked on the Net. When I was next in South Australia, he tried to physically stalk me - again with an accomplice (a different one this time). I didn't get the order registered in SA, so I wasted no time doing that. This time he showed up in court - with his mum. And he successfully pissed off the magistrate (I loved that) with constant questions. And I had to stop myself from laughing out loud when his mum tried to criticise my part in the whole episode only to be shut up. If you wanted to address that, lady, you had to be at the original hearing!

It comes in handy when one knows how to use the legal system. It isn't easy, but I've learnt a lot. It can be a tedious process.

I prefer to use the legal system if pushed that far. At the moment I have options on another person, but that's proving tougher because I've been pushed up to a higher court as the troublemaker is not in Australia. And domestic issues are also getting in the way! It's a court I have no experience with, and buying the Orders that the Supreme Court goes by is expensive! I'm hoping to use my local member of Parliament in Victoria to see if I can get a free copy.

In general, I'd like to see all Aspies band together and fight (non physically) for the right to be ourselves. We have that right. The trouble is that - as the title observes - too many are passive and are prepared to get trampled on. There was one who tried to stop me from fighting for my rights - and I dumped her as a friend (that was nearly three years ago now) because she was trying to pull me down to her level. Now I can't stop people from making a choice about their own lives. They make that choice and have to live with it. What annoys me is that they don't see the danger of not fighting, and I end up feeling a little powerless.

That's why I'm trying to give them that power in another way - getting a committee up and running in Canberra (now that we have a new government - yay!) to look into the issues of Aspies in general in the hope that the law can be altered to make things easier for us, and make things harder for those who abuse us. That story about being bullied, and then blamed for it wouldn't happen should such a thing be achieved.

Another danger is being passive by "sucking up" to the NT world. Again - I've seen this, and I know the danger of trying to be NT when you're not (I didn't have a choice because I hadn't been DXed with Aspergers at the time - but it's still relevant experience). If you are an Aspie - DON'T try and play the NT game. Inevitably, you'll lose because you don't have all the tools to cope. There may be some around and you might get away with it for awhile, but it will inevitably come back around and bite you on the rear end eventually. The biggest sign of that is the work place. School is small potatoes compared to work - unless you luck out with the right environment (I certainly didn't!!)

Sorry - rambled a bit because this is a pretty sore subject for me. Bottom line, I'm a fighter! And the right sort (I don't use my fists!)

I can't speak for anyone else, but it isn't my nature to resolve problems with fighting.

I know plenty of NT's that also avoid fightinging to resolve problems. So, it isn't just some AS people that are passive.

Personally, I don't feel lex talionis is the appropriate way to resolve any disputes, period!

The story of my life.

The story of my life.

If anyone tries to physically hurt me, then I'll f**k them up. There's nothing to lose when I need to defend myself. Not only that, but if people think you're weak and unable to defend yourself, they will capitalize on that.