I wish I could understand how he feels...

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my room-mate recently went back home, as apparently his mother is very sick and dying of Cancer.

From what his girlfriend told me, she's not in as bad shape as he was led to believe...though part of it I think was that his parents really wanted to see him, and he's been dying to go back anyway.

According to his gal, he seems to be having a good time. See, my Dad moved out here with us, and as his gal argues, my room-mate isn't able to see his Dad every day like I am; the thing is....being Autistic, it's different for me cause I don't feel the emotional attachment to him that my room-mate does to his folks.

However, my room-mate has seemed very conflicted in the past. Understand that in moving out of state, he left behind his life; a life he loved. Most of his friends( albeit busy with their own lives) are in NJ, his family is there, and he's always really had an enjoyable life there...even though he was raised to be spoiled rotten. He basically moved out of state to be with his girlfriend, and does very much enjoy Ohio, but of course for him, it isn't home.

...I wish I could understand how he feels. NJ is nothing but bad memories for me, although I do have friends there, they too are busy with their own lives; my family never really wants anything to do with me, and so much was restricted in NJ that isn't so out here.

I love my life out here, and could barely stand NJ, but I understand my room-mate doesn't feel the same way; I wish I understand how he feels, but I just can't contemplate it.

The old hangouts I guess still mean the world to him, whereas to me it's really little more at this point than some nostalgic feelings.

And no...my room-mate is not the type to really pick up on how so much has changed and it's not the place he's used to; he's usually in denial about those things, or he doesn't really pick up on it. He's one of those people who likely does think "I can easily pick up directly where I left off".

Could someone maybe fill me in a little bit, here?

I'm guessing here, so I could be wrong.

Do you ever go back? Not just to visit your family, "pay your dues" so to speak, and take back off to your new home as quick as you can. I mean REALLY go back. Do you ever take the time to revisit any of the places you used to go? And experience them again, like the first time you were there? Not where the worst memories are, but where the best ones are.

I left my home area almost twenty years ago. For the first year, I ran back just to check a P.O. box and run back to my new home, once a month. After that, I didn't really go back (the way I just explained, until about seventeen years later. I used to drive everywhere, a lot by myself. There are areas up there I never went to with anyone. Just me.

I went back recently with my wife and kids, and drove a lot of the roads I used to cruise. We stopped at some of the fishing accesses where I used to fish. Drove by some fields I used to just sit in and write or just vegetate. Stopped at some old stores I used to go to all the time. Stopped frequently on dirt roads just to look at the panorama I never see anymore, in AWE of the scenery I grew up with for thirty years and took for granted every single day.

I almost wish I had never done that, because I was homesick for the longest time after doing that. My wife has no interest in moving there. She'd rather move toward the coast, where it's very beautiful too, and I'd be very happy there too, but I know now that I'd never want to be more than a day's ride anymore from my boyhood stomping grounds. Not anymore. When i was there, all I ever wanted to do was leave and never come back. Now, I really miss a lot of it. There is no place like it anywhere on earth. No substitutes.

Anyway, I'm just saying, if you ever went back, and really took the time to really "be there," in all the places you used to find peace, you might feel differently.

Unless, of course, there were no peaceful places, ANYWHERE there. But that's what I thought too, before I went back and did that. I found out I was wrong. It wasn't all as bad as I remembered. Revisiting some of those places brought back a lot of really great memories I had completely forgotten about.

You never know until you REALLY go back...

Before I officially moved to Ohio, and was still in NJ, I would still head into the area where I grew up, to hang out with my friends.

I'm going to tell you right now: honestly, any place that was considered a really important spot to me has gone the way of the dodo.

There are a few places there I still think are nice, but not *so* nice that I'd honestly want to move back there.

Probably the most important landmark to me & my friends that existed there was the mall where I worked, where we first met. Yes, it's still standing, and yes later today my friend is going there.

But the store I worked at that was our "pad" went out of business, and the KB Toys there also went under.

I really feel like there's nothing left for me there now.

Before I moved out west, it almost felt like NJ was "pushing me out"; trying to get rid of me, if you will.

Well then! So you've been back. Really been back, and it SUCKS!

i see no reason to wax nostalgic if that's the case. It's all about trying it and seeing how YOU feel about it. You can't feel the way anyone else does. That would mean there's some kind of diabolical connection between you!

No really, I don't CARE what Bon Jovi says. Sometimes you really can't go back!

That's why I so love the old saying "you can't go home again", cause I believe it's honestly so true....

To true. Even if you do, and it's pleasant, it's never really the same.

Am I the only one who doesn't have good memories of special places growing up? I hate the place where I grew up. It's getting more & more what I hated about it, every year.

Like someone said --- anything that was good is gone. Prime real estate. $$$$$$$.

exactly....sort of like that one scene at the end of Return of the King where you see all 4 Hobbits sitting in the tavern, as they used to do; they had that look on their faces, as if to say "it's been so long since we've been here...and it's just not the same anymore"

even after 3 years, I see it as though the place I grew up isn't the same or anything, and even if it were, it'd be like how Jenny in Forrest Gump viewed her fathers' former house.

The situation with my room-mate...I'm almost reminded of the end of Hot Tub Time Machine where Rob Cordry tells the others he's staying in the past to make his life better...as there was nothing there for him in the future as it already existed.

That's how I feel about NJ compared to Ohio now; I see nothing left for me back in NJ; pretty much everything I ever wanted...I have it here.

I used to experience nostalgia a lot more when I was younger, like in my teens or earlier. I had attachments to places, things, etc. I remember being really sad when my grandmother died and her big house in Tempe Arizona got sold. My parents used to take me there every year for spring break in April and I was attached to it. I think it was because I really looked forward to the spring warmth in Arizona, swimming in the pool, picking lemons / grapefruits from the trees in the yard. It was heaven as compared to the lingering cold in Michigan that time of year.

Now I don't get that kind of sadness anymore. I don't have as many truly happy memories past the age of 15 which is when my depressions first started. I've also moved so often that no place truly feels like home anymore. In a weird way I kind of miss that feeling of homesickness. I just don't experience it anymore and don't relate to it so much. I still experience plain old lonliness but that's different.