hey everyone...im new here

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Hi everyone this is m first post. Im 20 years old male and in college. My whole life theres always been something wrong with me, but nobody ever figured it out i guess. Why was there something wrong? basically................I'v always tried to socialize, but iv never had many friends at all. The very very few i even had were never even good friends. Never fit into to any group. Always anxious. Never had a girlfriend. Just never knew what was wrong with me. Im pretty sure i had social phobia for a long time but i think i have gotten over it. But my brain cycle is just out of sync it seems. I never know whats going on around me and I miss alot of cues. so endlessly frustrated, always tried to hard. But nothing ever happened

Never ever known that i might have asperger's until now. I looked on here and just really connected with all the symptons like it was too uncanny that someone else said the same bizarre thing I experienced when i was 12 and I thought i was the only the one.

A relative of mine has AS so iv been told by my parents, though i dont remember him at all. So thats how i know it runs in the family. Never diagnosed before or anything so my whole life growing up i thought I was supposed to be normal.....supposed to do the things everyone else does. So in that respect in many ways iv been "normalized". Maybe to the point where depending on who says their opinion of me might say " odd, shy, weirdo, creep, goofy, " among others but i doubt anyone would think i have a mental illness. Like some of you have side its almost like i have m ore than one personality, the things that are naturally me, which dont make sense even to me, and the side of me that says things to seem normal in front of other people.

By this point in my life im certain that I have mental illness, and pretty sure its AS, because at 20 years old having next to no real friends, never had a girlfriend or even gotten anywhere in the ballpark close, confused as to who I am, dont know what im doing in college. Im relativly tall 6 feet and ill be modest by saying i am definitly not ugly, and I have known girls have been attracted to me before.

Again nobody has ever hinted that there was something wrong with me, and my parents never knew anything so i always beleived i was supposed to be "normal" but i never felt so. Just finding out now that iv had it for all my life and thats why iv uncontrollably f****ed up everything iv ever tried just is really shocking.

Iv always had trouble in school. I cant hear words very well. somehow managed to get by. Never really that smart, and I was pretty bad at math. My brain just doesnt want to function when i had math to do. mY brain almost cant function. I always beleive i was just a lazy person. EVeryone else always beleived i just a lazy person. But somehow i doubt that was it.

Always had a problem with concentration. Never had a real scheduale. I always do things different everyday. I always stand in front of the mirror when im in the bathroom and look at myself as If I see someone else. I always also look to my reflections wherever they are if it be the side of a building or somones car.

So yea im just really shocked and depressed. My whole life supposed to be normal yet never got anywhere and was always endlessly frustrated, to now OOOOPS iv had A MENTAL ILLNESS MY WHOLE LIFE. So thats why iv failed at everything iv tried. Never had a clue why i didnt have friends even though i tried being friendly and talked to people.

Some of you may question whether i have it or not. Thats fine. Im not 100% sure. However I am 99% sure at this point. Iv looked at the posts on here about bizarre things that people have done/thought and most of them have been exactly what iv gone through. Plus the fact that one of my uncles has it. Nothing has ever made sense in my whole life. nothing has made sense..........I dont even make sense to myself.........

Welcome to WP lightening020,

You shouldn't be depressed about possibly having aspergers - that's a good thing. It will help you to understand your past and reinterpret things for the future. Once you know who/what you are, you'll feel more comfortable with your strengths and weaknesses.

Do the aspie quiz - it's not perfect but it will help you to answer your question.

Aspie Quiz - http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php




Yay - I beat Tim to the post... actually, I think I beat everyone - unless someone snuck in while I was writing this.

trying to answer as accuratly as I could, I got a 152...........

the reason im so depressed is that iv always expected myself to be normal, i always got down on myself because i just couldnt aunderstand why things didnt work out for me.

Hi man, and welcome.

Try to learn from your past mistakes, instead of being depressed about having messed up something in the past.

The past is already behind us, and you can't change it.
The future, and the present can.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welcome, I'm a new member myself and your story is, except for the small details, almost identical to mine. There are lots of people out there like you, so don't feel alone.

I think that the first thing you should realize is that AS is not a mental illness, it is better described as a mental difference. Our brains are wired differently from other peoples. This gives us advantages that they don't have, but it does come at the cost of having a few disadvantages too.

You need to look at this in perspective and seriously, do you really want to have some cookie cutter personality that is bland an uninspiring? Being normal is for suckers.

Normality depends greatly on perspective.

On WrongPlanet, you are normal.

Welcome to our little planet.

Welcome.

and yea... where is Tim? He's normally the first one on these posts.

Welcome!

I hear you there! I think the confusion of just not understanding why you can be so close to normal but still so different can drive a person crazy.

Now that you know what AS is prepare for the back and forth of "This is me! No I'm just imagining things and making excuses, I don't have AS!"

That can drive you crazy too.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome Newb - I am a Newb also.

/rolls out welcome mat.

Don't worry about being an Aspie just watch your meltdowns n blood pressure, hey at least you found out at 20 instead of 40.

Welcome, Lightening020!! !

lightening020, welcome to wrongplanet, i'm in my 20s and just got diagnosed with it about 2 years ago. I pretty much am in the same position as you too. never had any girlfriends (fell in love couple times) but didnt last long. couldn't keep my jobs either. I just want to say i'm glad you found out about aspergers cause when i found out i had it, i felt much better knowing what was wrong with me. Dont ever give up on life, there are several famous people who are known to have aspergers too.