If You Want To Get Rid Of Me, Just Tell Me Good-Bye

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lastcrazyhorn
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30 Jan 2008, 9:27 pm

Not in this setting necessarily, but in life, I wish that people who were tired of my presence or who were wanting to leave the conversation anyway, would just tell me good-bye and be done with it; instead of standing there not listening to me, or looking at me like a moron, or treating me like a moron, or just zoning out, or whatever . . .

I wouldn't be offended if they just up and said it.

I don't know why they just won't.


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CockneyRebel
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30 Jan 2008, 9:41 pm

I've dealt with such things, myself.


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zghost
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30 Jan 2008, 9:42 pm

Oh I know what you mean, I feel the same way.
The whole time you're talking to them, you're wondering if they're interested or wishing you'd shut up. And if you just leave, you're rude. And if you keep talking to them, you're annoying. And all you can do is wonder which it is, and which is worse.



viska
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30 Jan 2008, 9:54 pm

lastcrazyhorn wrote:
I don't know why they just won't.


They are telling you, but in a different language. Most people are more comfortable signaling this information in a non-explicit, non-verbal manner because they find this way is more useful to them for some reason or another. (For example.. the desire to preserve ambiguity or to avoid conflict.) If you're on the spectrum, reading the signals does not come easily and naturally, but you can still learn to do it.

They are already telling you.. you just need to learn to crack the code.



Yoshie777
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30 Jan 2008, 9:58 pm

I feel that way sometimes as well.


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corroonb
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30 Jan 2008, 10:29 pm

Most of the time I don't bother talking to people because they're never interested in what I have to say. With most people its "me me me" all day, every day. I'm aware of the possible hypocrisy of this statement but I actually listen to people even when all they talk about is themselves. I never talk about myself. Why do people think they are so interesting? I'd much rather talk about movies, games, politics etc. Anything except the weather or other popular topics. I am cynical and bitter but its hard not to be.

Like others have suggested, there are "signs" that you are supposed to read. Lack of eye contact, minimal participation on their part, looking at their watch. There are other signs but I probably don't get those. Are there any other ones that are common?

I appreciate direct communication but NTs most often don't as they like to avoid perceived conflict as viska says.



lastcrazyhorn
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30 Jan 2008, 10:37 pm

Mw99 wrote:
lastcrazyhorn wrote:
Not in this setting necessarily, but in life, I wish that people who were tired of my presence or who were wanting to leave the conversation anyway, would just tell me good-bye and be done with it; instead of standing there not listening to me, or looking at me like a moron, or treating me like a moron, or just zoning out, or whatever . . .

I wouldn't be offended if they just up and said it.

I don't know why they just won't.


Don't talk to them.


Can't. He's one of my professors. Besides, he's in the testing phase of my getting to know him. He's continuously treated me like a worthy human being the entire time he's known me, so of course my subconscious feels the need to test the barriers and find out just when and if he will turn on me.


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WurdBendur
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30 Jan 2008, 10:57 pm

Shut up.


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tinky
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30 Jan 2008, 11:07 pm

agreed. this can also lead to confusion as to who is my friend and who is not. i don't know if they want me to leave them alone or talk to them regularly. this happened on a retreat i went to. i tried my luck at conversing with some contemporaries, who i had never met before in my life, and i still have no clue what they thought of me.


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wsmac
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30 Jan 2008, 11:47 pm

viska wrote:
They are telling you, but in a different language. Most people are more comfortable signaling this information in a non-explicit, non-verbal manner because they find this way is more useful to them for some reason or another. (For example.. the desire to preserve ambiguity or to avoid conflict.) If you're on the spectrum, reading the signals does not come easily and naturally, but you can still learn to do it.

They are already telling you.. you just need to learn to crack the code.


They are not telling anything. They are projecting their feelings in a vague and usually uninterpretable manner.
To say the are 'Telling' you something, to me means they are actively trying to communicate with you.
Perhaps some of the time some people are.

The biggest issue I see in human relations is the idea of 'Rude'.
We have gotten so caught up in the overuse of this term that it is difficult to communicate accurately with each other in social settings.
This is not about AS... this is a common problem in all of society.

Children have it more right than the adults... but the the adults screw it up when they over-teach this concept of 'Rudeness' to the children.


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Pithlet
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31 Jan 2008, 12:44 am

Most people see it as an act of passive hostility to turn your back on someone in mid sentence without a passable explanation. I think if they were really in misery talking to you, they would come up with some excuse to leave. The fact that they may put up with you even if they don't care about the topic suggests that they care enough about your feelings to at least be patient and polite. If I don't want to talk to someone I find an excuse fast. And if I don't want someone to be my friend, I don't fake being their friend. I still don't want to hurt their feelings though, and I think NTs (at least the nice ones) are less willing to burn bridges completely by being blunt. It's an admirable quality really, just a little confusing to people who have a hard time reading social cues. You can usually spot sincerity by how engaged they are. Are they piping in with their own thoughts, asking questions? Or are they mostly going "Uh huh. Mmmm. Yeah? Oh. I see." all the time while glancing at their watch? I'm not very talkative, so someone has to be rather persistant in their interest to squeeze a conversation out of me, and I'm usually the one looking for an exit. Even if both of us seem to be engaged, I always leave an opening for them to leave tactfully and nobody goes home feeling unliked or uninteresting.



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31 Jan 2008, 1:04 am

WurdBendur wrote:
Shut up.


Don't.


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Kalister1
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31 Jan 2008, 1:06 am

WurdBendur wrote:
Shut up.


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31 Jan 2008, 1:08 am

WurdBendur wrote:
Shut up.


What value does that add to this thread?


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wolphin
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31 Jan 2008, 1:19 am

Yeah, I wouldn't mind at all if someone were to interrupt me and move the conversation on. It only gets awkward when they're quiet and go "uh-huh" and later I realize they really weren't interested at all.



Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2008, 7:13 am

Everyone on WP likes you, though.


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