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"You are blahblah" vs. "what you did is blahb

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Ana54
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30 Jan 2008, 7:19 pm

Right now I'm up to starting to say, when someone does something wrong, "What you did is annoying" or "what you did sucks" rather than "you are annoying", "you suck", etc. How about you? :)



TrueDave
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30 Jan 2008, 7:46 pm

"hate the sin and not the sinner."



WurdBendur
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30 Jan 2008, 11:03 pm

TrueDave wrote:
"hate the sin and not the sinner."


That's something judgmental Christians say in a desperate effort not to sound like hypocrites.


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beentheredonethat
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31 Jan 2008, 12:38 am

Ana54 wrote:
Right now I'm up to starting to say, when someone does something wrong, "What you did is annoying" or "what you did sucks" rather than "you are annoying", "you suck", etc. How about you? :)


Anna:

That's what any psychologist will tell you. You explain to someone that the behavior is not okay. You do not imply that they are not okay, because of course, they are okay. It's what they did that's wrong.

Sorry it wasn't your original idea, but that's the first thing parents of AS kids are told in support groups.

Good catch!

Btdt



TheFace
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31 Jan 2008, 12:55 am

WurdBendur wrote:
TrueDave wrote:
"hate the sin and not the sinner."


That's something judgmental Christians say in a desperate effort not to sound like hypocrites.


Uh, yea..... surrrrrrrrrre


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Shelby
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31 Jan 2008, 1:52 am

It's nice in theory but I think people will still hear criticism no matter how you word it. I know I would!



chocolate_kitties
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31 Jan 2008, 4:38 am

Ana54 wrote:
Right now I'm up to starting to say, when someone does something wrong, "What you did is annoying" or "what you did sucks" rather than "you are annoying", "you suck", etc. How about you? :)


I hate it when someone says I did something annoying. It sounds to me like saying "You are annoying". Then again, I feel like crying almost every time someone criticises me :roll:
I tell people "It would be great if you... (did the opposite of that annoying thing)" or "I don't like the fact that..."



kclark
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31 Jan 2008, 11:33 am

I think that is a good way of getting the information across while trying to be gentle about it.
I like it because it is actually more accurate and factual than saying "your annoying".
Unless you always find a particular person annoying that is in which case the above statement fits better.