Ever been called "spoiled" b/c of sensory issues?
Has anyone ever misunderstood your sensory issues and assumed you were "spoiled"?
This has happened to me numerous times. I've gotten a reputation for being "spoiled" because I'll make a face when I taste or touch something gross, talk about being bothered by certain sensations, become visibly overwhelmed by sensations, etc. Room mates in particular have been vicious about it. Now I try to hide my reactions to sensory things so as not to be misunderstood.
Brittany2907
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Yes...many times. Especially as a young child, as I had a lot of sensory issues associated with food and was "picky".
My mother used to "force feed me" as she thought that I was spoiled. She would grab my head, open my mouth and put food in it. Half the time I would spit it out and the other times I would throw up
I think it would have been easier if she just let me eat what I wanted at that time in my life.
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KristaMeth
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Something similar, people tend to think I have my fiance "whipped". I didn't really understand where they were getting it from until I realized all the comments were made when I ask him to do something quickly, and he does it. The only things I need him to do quickly though, are solutions to situations that are driving me NUTS either sensory wise, or social anxiety wise. It's usually something to the extent of "Honey can you please put your window up?", but I guess the mixture of me saying those types of things often and him always doing them gives people these ideas. So he understands that I'm really sensitive to changes in temperatures, that's a good thing. Not many other people understand that though.
I think it's probably been in the back of many peoples' minds actually, me being spoiled. The people I get close to know me well enough to feel the need to baby me. That is, if they are better off than I am. I had friends since middle school doing it. To us it's just normal, how things are. But I think other people are scratching their heads and wondering what's wrong with me.
As for the food tastes and being bothered by sensations, yeah I'm sure people are silently bitching about that with me, too. I get looks often for how bad I freak out when I taste something someone else convinced me to taste, or touch, whatever. People just give me this look like "it's just food, what the hell?" I think they think I'm childish for it.
Even my fiance gets annoyed with how I continue to go on and on about how bad something bothers me sensually. Even I'm bothered by being bothered by it so much.
Sigh.
But yes, in short, I can relate. Don't go nuts holding it all in though, screw what other people think. Go all crazy on them and they won't mess with you about it anymore ![]()
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KristaMeth
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Yes...many times. Especially as a young child, as I had a lot of sensory issues associated with food and was "picky".
My mother used to "force feed me" as she thought that I was spoiled. She would grab my head, open my mouth and put food in it. Half the time I would spit it out and the other times I would throw up
I think it would have been easier if she just let me eat what I wanted at that time in my life.
UGH. I know. That always bothered me, the way parents do that. It's really good to instill healthy eating habits in a kid, but how much healthier is it to force them to eat things they don't like? Come on now...
I was always really irked by certain food textures, especially a lot of fruits and vegetables. What people didn't realize was that it was actually quite torturous for me to be like that. Seeing a big, juicy tomato on a burger and going "God that looks good, I have to try it" even though I'd tried it a million times before and had to spit it out. It really sucks.
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RampionRampage
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i'm considered spoiled because i am not independent. a lot of people assume this is because i am lazy and used to having everything my way. this is made worse by the fact that my parents have the money to support me.
i try not to let it bother me, because i know i am lucky (to some extent - the money is available but i have some f****d up stories about the parental relationships themselves). because of them, i was able to afford seeing a good doctor to dx me, and i've started therapy.
that said, a good portion of mark's friends/family hate me. they think i am too needy, that i am manipulative because mark defers to certain character traits. one went off on me, then him, basically saying i never let him do anything.
which is baffling, since i encourage him to go out with his friends, and he does...?? bowling, gun range, just hanging out and playing rock star. i never tell him when he has to be home. where is the 'controlling'??
friends of my ex said the same.
the assumption is that i'm used to getting my way and therefore i demand it. which is funny, because no one would ever accuse mark of being a push over, but i guess i'm just the anti-christ or something.
the dx has helped with some of the friends/family we've shared it with, though.
at least, until they decide i'm using the dx as an excuse.
i really hope i start to improve before then.
i hate mark getting s**t because of me. i don't want him to lose relationships because of me, either, because i know he's not going to leave me because of anything anyone else says, but while i can live with minimal social contact, i know he can't.
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Yes, very much so.
I'm very sensitive to the senses. If something smells awry, you can see it in my face. I "insult" hosts by asking if a certain ingredient is in the food. I also "insult" them by not trying out their "specialty". I mean, sure give it to me if you want it on the floor along with spit.
That is only with food, I complain a lot about clothes, cars, etc. I shouldn't try to hide it because it would make things more difficult. I just try not to put myself in such a situation.
RampionRampage
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on my end, i don't leave the house much so mark is frequently showing up without me. and that's the insult to them.
they are loud and obnoxious.
mark's dad is a racist/antisemitic/homophobic in-the-closet gay man. he says horribly offensive things and once said somethinga bout my father using Jewish stereotyping. i can't really deal with drunken stupidity (or the noise, or smell, of that place) and i don't get why this makes me spoiled. i'm under the impression that NTs don't find these behaviors appealing, either. i guess the difference is that i can't 'play' at neutrality when i'm there. i always end up in mark's old room.
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My answer to question is yes, to the Nth degree. "Spoiled, selfish, and self-absorbed" was the line thrown at me by various angry adults all throughout my childhood & teenage years. Rude peers just made snarky comments (about my food reactions) that seemed as obnoxious as (if not more than) what I was saying about the food in the first place. They'd probably be saying that still, but I've cut myself off from those people (now that I'm grown up)-plus getting dx after all these years is some sort of validation of my perceptions.
Food was (and is) most obvious manifestation of my being "unusual" & unlike everybody else. Most food repulses me, by sight, smell, and/or taste/texture/mouth feel.
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Never called spoiled but I have unintentionally made people mad because I didn't like something.
In my house hold it was a catch 22, if you didn't eat something then you must not like it and thats bad because "I slaved in a hot kitchen all day making that and I'll remember that the next time I try to make something special" and if you ate something all up because it was fantastic then thats bad too because "I worked all day making that and I was planning on having left overs, you can all eat sandwiches tomorrow". I like sandwiches. I think.
nobodyzdream
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I was an only child, so people tended to assume that I was spoiled. Being a very picky eater didn't help. I remember my aunt would make tunafish mixed with macaroni and cheese, and she'd heap up my plate and say I couldn't leave the table until I ate it. It didn't seem to matter how many times I told her I hated mac 'n' cheese and tuna both, lol. So I'd sit there for 3-4 hours sometimes with my stomach growling, not touching the food. People always assume that if a kid is hungry enough, they will eat whatever is put on their plate... 'tis not always true.
I also got called a "tattletale" a LOT. My son gets called this as well. I never understood why it was so bad to tell what someone is doing, and I still don't really get it. Parents make up rules for their kids, then when someone tells them that their child is breaking their rules, that person is called a tattletale. Why do they even bother making rules if they don't really care whether or not they are followed? ...and why would they not want to know what is going on if someone is breaking them?
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It took a long time for me to understand that too. My parents encouraged, even required "telling" or "tattling" within the family. My brother and I were expected to police one another, but if my mom did something bad and I told my dad, I'd get in trouble for saying something negative about my mom. It didn't matter that it was true.
I went to a small summer camp run by a family on a farm. They had a lot of rules, but if someone told them someone else did something wrong, they'd just say, "Don't be a tattle tail!" This was the first time I had heard an adult say that.
I kept to myself a lot, so I just tried to ignore what other people were doing. That way, I couldn't get in trouble for telling and I couldn't get in trouble for not telling. I think it must be harder for aspie kids to understand the rules of tattling--it's so complicated and dependent on the specific social situation.
Yes! One person in particular has said that my son is spoiled, and she raves about another friend's parenting because her son is so "good," but little does she realize that that child is much more indulged than ours. He gets his way almost exclusively, and our son hardly gets to do anything he wants because of his busy therapy schedule, gfcf diet, etc.
That child just understands not to whine about stuff in front of certain people, but he whines and complains almost constantly otherwise. Our poor guy only cries about sensory stuff, mostly walking, sleeping, etc. and she thinks he is a spoil brat. It makes me sick.
nobodyzdream
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A lot of people act like my son is spoiled. His first year of school-the entire year of kindergarten, he was having to miss recess due to behavioral issues. When I would bring up that I was getting him an assessment, the teachers would blow it off. I even had the school guidance counselor call and tell me that I needed to be harder on him. He also said that my tone of voice was way too happy and nice all the time, and that I needed to work on that. I have no clue where to even begin on that one though-I sound the same in every situation, lol. Always childish/happy/upbeat, even at times when I'm crying
Now that he's been diagnosed, they just give me crap about his lack of focus... which, I don't really get what they mean by "lack of focus" considering he is EXTREMELY focused on things at the time-it just isn't what THEY want him to be focused on, lol. He's getting in a lot of trouble for being a slow worker lately
losing points and getting bad notes sent home for spinning in the hallways and not getting assignments done. I still dunno what to do about that one...
Teachers still look at me, though-ol' mom'll straighten it out, I guess they think, lol. Little do they know, I'm in just as much of my own little world as he is most of the time. We have a lot of rough times ahead of us, I think, lol.
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