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Reyairia
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13 Feb 2008, 7:49 am

So we all know that part of being an Aspie is saying too much, right? Well, I've noticed I have the habit of suddenly being antagonized despite good intentions and I asked about it. Turns out I can't criticize someone in front of their face, or at least be very careful when I do so. It's another "invisible rule" that I tripped on and fell flat on my face.
The thing is... it's the opposite for me. Most of the friends I've met (online, of course) I did so after an argument. I love to argue and the like, and I'm thrilled if someone has the guts to come up to me and say that they don't like what I'm doing or think differently than I do. In fact, I have little respect for people who just nod to everything I say. I guess I must have mistaken people for myself again and acted accordingly when they don't like it...

Anyone else have this stumble?



chocolate_kitties
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13 Feb 2008, 8:41 am

I hate arguing; I would do anything to avoid it. Unfortunately, I can't remain silent all the time and sometimes when I just want to give someone my opinion on something they do, they think I'm criticising them.



Syd
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13 Feb 2008, 10:56 am

There's nothing wrong with having differences of opinion, but it takes a mature person to hold a discussion without resorting to emotional rhetoric. I have great respect for those who can effectively utilize critical thinking and logic. Unfortunately it's very rare to find such people.



Mikomi
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13 Feb 2008, 10:56 am

Typically if I argue with someone right off the bat, we become friends later. People who I never disagree with, well, usually we don't remain friends for the long run. I guess, like you, I respect people who have a mind of their own.


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aries
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13 Feb 2008, 12:22 pm

I try and avoid criticising people until I know them well enough. And it depends how the criticism is delivered. It can be well delivered and constructive but it can be badly delivered and just rude. I've found that a lot of the time most people don't like to be criticised unless they have asked for it first. However, I don't have much respect for anyone who can't handle constructive criticism. I wish people would offer me more constructive criticism but for some reason people tend to think I won't take it very well, whereas I think I respond pretty well to good criticism.

I like people who I can have a good discussion with, without it turning into an argument or them taking it personally as many do.



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13 Feb 2008, 1:04 pm

I love online arguing, it gives me life. I would totally be avoiding arguments in real life though, I don't really like loud people or having to be loud.

IMHO opposition is a direct consequence of having good intentions.



gwenevyn
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13 Feb 2008, 1:07 pm

Vexcalibur wrote:

IMHO opposition is a direct consequence of having good intentions.


I'd go even further and say opposition is a direct consequence of breathing, but when one had good intentions, it seems unexpected.


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Sedaka
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13 Feb 2008, 2:39 pm

my main source to work with are bfs... but i do observe that people in general take things of this nature more personally than i do.


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TLPG
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13 Feb 2008, 4:02 pm

Funny thing about criticism. Aspies are good at doing it, but as a general rule can't take it. There are exceptions of course like there is with everything else.

I'm not adverse to a good argument (not a contradiction! LOL @ Monty Python ref!) because as strange as it might sound I get info out of arguing. When I can get no more info - then the argument becomes useless and I get out of it ASAP. And I don't just mean on the subject either. I learn a lot about people as well, and who to ignore and who not to ignore.

Criticism for me comes in two forms. Constructive - which I'm OK with, and destructive - which absolutely angers me.



CockneyRebel
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13 Feb 2008, 4:45 pm

TLPG wrote:
Funny thing about criticism. Aspies are good at doing it, but as a general rule can't take it. There are exceptions of course like there is with everything else.

I'm not adverse to a good argument (not a contradiction! LOL @ Monty Python ref!) because as strange as it might sound I get info out of arguing. When I can get no more info - then the argument becomes useless and I get out of it ASAP. And I don't just mean on the subject either. I learn a lot about people as well, and who to ignore and who not to ignore.

Criticism for me comes in two forms. Constructive - which I'm OK with, and destructive - which absolutely angers me.


I agree with that. I think that constructive criticism is fine. I'm reflective tape, when it comes to destructive criticisim.


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