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lightening020
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28 Jun 2010, 1:42 am

Im feeling really avoidant right now. I guess mabey avoidance/social phobia has kind of plagued me my whole life.

Theres people in my living room of my apartment talking to my roommates, and my natural thought is to wait in my room until they leave. The more I think about it the more depressed and anxious I get.

Why is this such a big deal? what is wrong with me.....



lightening020
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28 Jun 2010, 1:50 am

i just went out there right now tried to put on a decent face. Wast that bad..........but theres a reason I really would rather be locked in my room.......

Im just not the way I want to be.....Im not the best version of me....if a version of me that I want to be actually exists?

im just not confident........i feel awkward

its like wtf im almost 23........obviously somethings wrong with me.....either its aspergers or its an awful case of avoidance/social phobia or something else........



NearlyaHuman
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28 Jun 2010, 2:01 am

Well, if you are not sure if you have asperger's or not, there are things you can do for social phobia, so I would suggest reading about that. Maybe you will be able to overcome your difficulties. Anti-anxiety medication may help as well. If you keep practicing, it may seem more comfortable after a while. People with social phobias who avoid situations are usually nervous about what people think of them, and sharing their opinions. You have to teach yourself to not be worried about these things.

I used to avoid social situations for a variety of reasons, and had a lot of anxiety, but I wanted to be with people. I just couldn't be that way. I have a lot of cognitive difficulties aside from being socially awkward, for example I can't tell what expression I have on my face at all. I no longer have social anxiety, but I still suck at being social, because it's just not possible for me to interact normally.


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lightening020
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28 Jun 2010, 2:36 am

its less of me worrying about what they think of me........and more of me feeling like im not the best version of me. Whats the point of "trying" to be social?

I feel like Im in the wrong place at the wrong time meeting the wrong people in the wrong skin.

Im not comfortable in my own skin.

If I could start turning my life around go after my passions start meeting the right people and develop myself and maybe start building some confidence, then I would be on the right track in life. A daunting series of events for me since Im at square 1 and my previous 22 years have done nothing for me in developing me

It just seems everyone my age (and younger) are light-years ahead me. By the time they are finish high school and are ready to go to college, they have had a certain amount of experiences.

Im almost 23 completed some college but it really never felt like I "got there" Not even anywhere near close as some HS graduate. I might as well be 15 living at home with my parents.........yet im 22 living on my own supporting myself and yet there is so much that I cant do that like be able to have anywhere in the ballpark close to a normal life....... it feels really f*****g sad



CockneyRebel
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28 Jun 2010, 2:40 am

I go through my periods of avoidance, when it comes to my family, sometimes. I might be hurt by something, and I might not visit, for at least two weeks. I know it's bad to do that, and I know the local bus system, so why do I do it?

At least I phone my parents, every morning of the week. :)


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Euclid
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28 Jun 2010, 5:52 am

I have been avoiding contact with people or socialising for about 2 years now. I have my own house and ignore callers etc. I go out only when I have to and avoid anywhere noisy or busy. I need to get a train to get to my job, but usually manage to avoid other passengers. It makes for a miserable life and I am seeing doctors to find a solution. It seems that my experience is a relatively common symptom of Aspergers and yet finding help in coping seems almost impossible.


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OneStepBeyond
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28 Jun 2010, 2:20 pm

i usually stay in my room if people come round too. and generally try to avoid most social situations where possible



NearlyaHuman
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28 Jun 2010, 2:35 pm

lightening020 wrote:
its less of me worrying about what they think of me........and more of me feeling like im not the best version of me. Whats the point of "trying" to be social?

I feel like Im in the wrong place at the wrong time meeting the wrong people in the wrong skin.

Im not comfortable in my own skin.

If I could start turning my life around go after my passions start meeting the right people and develop myself and maybe start building some confidence, then I would be on the right track in life. A daunting series of events for me since Im at square 1 and my previous 22 years have done nothing for me in developing me

It just seems everyone my age (and younger) are light-years ahead me. By the time they are finish high school and are ready to go to college, they have had a certain amount of experiences.

Im almost 23 completed some college but it really never felt like I "got there" Not even anywhere near close as some HS graduate. I might as well be 15 living at home with my parents.........yet im 22 living on my own supporting myself and yet there is so much that I cant do that like be able to have anywhere in the ballpark close to a normal life....... it feels really f***ing sad


That, in a way, is worrying about what society thinks of you, hence other people.
You are not living up to socially defined expectations, you believe.
But actually, if you do indeed have AS, living alone and supporting yourself by working is something many can't do easily, me included.
I am 27 yet have been fired from just about every job I've had. I don't enjoy people being prejudiced against me for that, but that is their retarded ideas, not mine.
Learn some relaxation techniques and methods to deal with low self esteem.
As long as you realize there is a "better version of you", thats what counts. Other peoples ideas about you are only in their head, they aren't' real.
If you feel there is something lacking in the presentation others see, work on it.


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superboyian
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28 Jun 2010, 2:45 pm

Do you have depression by any chance? Do you also get sensory overload?

Oh and yes, its a common thing with people who are on the spectrum, they tend to hide in their rooms, (I'm actually like that sometimes on a really stressful day) and that normally can be depressing.

I normally find talking to people online relieves my stress and anxieties at times but yea... Its all good. :D


- superboyian. =]


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Neytiri
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28 Jun 2010, 2:50 pm

I like avoid and stay in forest. It quiet there.



fleeced
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28 Jun 2010, 5:28 pm

i used to share a house with about 5 other people because i couldnt afford to rent somewhere of my own. at night, most of the time, i would switch the light of in my room and not make a sound so i wouldnt have to talk to anyone. i used to wait to use the bathroom until everyone is asleep. i'd also walk around after work until about 12 midnight and go home when everyone was in bed. i think it's more than social phobia.



Todesking
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28 Jun 2010, 10:27 pm

Since I have been laid off my anti-social behavior has become worse. I got nervous and sweaty after I walked to the store and it was packed and that was in the winter with three feet of snow on the ground. :oops: I guess I am loosing resistance to being around people other family.



Asp-Z
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29 Jun 2010, 3:56 am

I always do this, I avoid socialising whenever I can and only talk to people if they talk to me first (unless they're someone I know well). I don't see this as a problem, though, it's just how I am.