How did you discover you had AS and what did you do about it

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Hey guys and gals.

I'm in a bit of a difficult state of affairs at the moment, and i'm not really sure where to go from here.

I was recently suggested from someone I didn't know (over the internet) that I may have AS. I had never heard of it before, but had felt something was different in me, and at times thought I may have ADHD. Not all the symptoms fit in with me, so it was hard to pursue as I wasn't sure.
I researched AS and it seemed to fit me like a glove, even now I get reminded of something I used to do, did, or still do and it matches perfectly with AS.
Some things still don't match perfectly, like I don't mind social situations, but I realise that I put up a front, and that I am still easily distracted, and tend to "play a character" without even realising it. I can look people in the eye easily, but when it comes to expressing myself unfiltered, or really trying to put myself out there, I have to stare down, focus on a pattern, or look off into the distance, only coming up to look at the eyes after I have said something.
If I am in front of a TV or if music is on, I find it very difficult to keep track of my thoughts.

In saying that, however, I am 25 and have made a conscious effort since I was around 17 to try and be like everyone else. To really alter the way I act socially, and predominantly how I act around women. I used to have a lot of female friends, mainly because i had a crush on all of them, and i find that i don't have many male friends, as I don't really like the social situations that i'm in with them. I feel uncomfortable and prefer to be at home reading, watching tv or dvds etc etc. Now i'm with my wife, I don't really have any friends of my own, but i like it that way. Anyways, what i'm getting at, is i'm not sure where the line is drawn as to AS symptoms, my own coping mechanisms making up for AS symptoms, or what symptoms I have that are actually normal.

Anyways, AS seems to line up with me very specifically and I have just been to a GP who has referred me to a psychologist / counsellor and without discussing AS, they said it sounds like I may have a Disorder or something like that.

I have been going through a lot of trouble with my wife, as she believes I'm normal, and every symptom I bring up of AS, she says that everyone does that to an extent, and sometimes she says she does that too. In my mind, i'm telling myself, that it's not the same. She can sit perfectly still at any time of the day, I have to compulsively stimulate myself every moment of every day, which usually exhibits itself as tapping (i'm a drummer).
She feels incredibly hurt by my thoughts that I may have AS, because she thinks there is nothing wrong, and that I must be unhappy in our marriage for me to want to pursue this, and now I am choosing pursuing this over our marriage, because pursuing this hurts her, if that makes sense.

I want to see a Psychologist to help me with what I feel I have problems with in relating to my own thoughts and the world, and I would prefer to reach a conclusion of AS without actually mentioning it to the Psychologist (as in I don't want to walk in and say "Diagnose me biatch, i know what i got", hehe), but i'm also worried that the Psychologist might not even contemplate AS as a possibility as it is a recently recognised condition and it seems people think that I should exhibit signs of complete autism as opposed to me being normal, just thinking different.

I'm also worried about how to tell my wife that i'm not unhappy, but I don't understand myself a lot of the time, and now that AS has revealed itself to me, I feel as though I need to confirm if I have it or not. That its not just about me now, because there is a risk of our Children having Autism or AS or such, I now owe it to myself and our family to confirm its authenticity. I don't want to wait until we have children to find out that they have it and i had it all along. I'm worried about pursuing a diagnosis, because it hurts my wife, and i'm not really unhappy, but I don't know how i'd feel suspecting I had this, and knowing that if I choose to pursue it, it could potentially end my marriage, regardless of whether we are happy or not.

What i'm curious about is how you discovered you had AS, and what you did about it? If you discovered it yourself, how did you know you had it? And when you wanted a diagnosis, how did you approach it?
When discussing it with other people, how did you avoid confusion?
Some people say that getting a diagnosis, helps others understand you better as it is easier in explaining your unique attitudes and ways of living. But when i bring up AS, everyone thinks I should be insane, or severely mentally handicapped to have it, when I bring up the realistic Symptoms, people say "I do that too", but this frustrates me, because I really don't get the impression that they do it to the same extent.

Anyways, i'm rambling. Any thought, suggestions or replies about how you discovered or confirmed AS would help me greatly!

I was reading about Stanley Kubrick on Wiki. The article mentioned that some people think he had certain AS traits. I looked it up, and went "oh s**t!". I immediately recognized certain life-long 'problems' were common traits. I then came to this site, but didn't post for awhile, just read. I asked my therapist if I should get a DX, and she replied "Certainly, but you'll have to pay every penny of the cost." Seems if you're an adult, the free DX thing is out. I've never gotten one, and I rarely mention AS. Everyone who knows me, knows I'm 'wired differently.'

A few years ago my father found an article about AS in a magazine from our newspaper. He pointed that I exhibited many AS traits at the present and especially in the past. For a while I did agree with him but did not really do anything about it. Sometime later I decided to look into this and checked out some specialists who dealt with diagnosing people with AS. I found a Psychiarist, went to him and he pretty much diagnosed me with it.

My mother told me I had it when I was 12. I didn't even know what it was. I just assumed it was me having troubles doing my school work and I couldn't get it done by myself because it was too hard. For two years I refused to believe I had very little of it because I thought mine was so bad. My parents never sat down and even explained to me what it was and how it effects me. All they said was my mind works different, I have a different learning style, the misunderstands I'd have was the Aspergers and I couldn't understand why. So people mis speak and it's my fault? I didn't know I was taking things literal such as when my mother told me to "stop that teasing" and I thought she was telling me to stop THAT teasing, so I kept doing another tease every time she told me to stop that teasing. Took me three years to finally understand why she was saying 'stop that teasing.'

I was 14 when I finally started asking my mother if I had more aspergers what would I be like and she tell me and she made aspies sound like they are in their own world, they aren't normal people, they don't talk, they don't care about other people, and I was also told I wouldn't be in choir if I had more, have any friends, etc. Then finally my mother must have gotten tired of me asking her so many questions, she finally pulled out a bunch of papers that were printed from the internet two years before and gave them to me to read. They were about AS and there was even a story printed off by Temple Grandin about her talking about her life with autism. I read about it and learned mine wasn't so bad but it did help explain to me why I always had troubles with friends and why I had obsessions, why I had troubles fitting in, why I was bullied, etc. I kept reading about it for the next few years and learned more about it. I don't have every single symptom of it and it doesn't always fit me when I read about it.

There were even symptoms I have I was oblivious too. I can remember kids kept acting like I can read minds and they were expecting me to read their minds, kids were getting mad at me for no reason so they were treating me bad and my shrink said I don't pick up on their cues or even read them. I also remember being told I don't care about anyone and I find out I didn't even know I had hurt someone's feelings because they never told me. I also read people wrong. I might think they're mad at me because they are yelling or they start cursing but then they tell me they aren't mad and they are "this" after I ask them why are they mad or I say "I didn't mean to make you mad" and then they say "I'm not mad."

I used to mention AS a lot when I was 14 and 15 but once I knew more about it, I stopped because it got embarrassing. Besides, people think you're using it as an excuse when you do inform you have it so why bother.

I stumbled upon the Wikipedia article on Asperger's after following
a link from 'Einstein'. The experience reminded me of a quote from
the bible " For now we see through a glass,darkly.But then shall we know
as even also we are known".
It took me several months of research and soul-searching but I think
I've now come to terms with it.Finding WP via the same links was
something of a godsend really.I haven't pursued a formal diagnosis
because it's tricky when you're older and I'm sure in my own mind
that AS is what has made me feel different all my life.I'm not
considering declaring it to my employers or friends because it's not
so all-pervasive to make it something they really need to know at the
moment.I'm just trying to learn from experiences day by day.

Thanks for the replies so far.

Its just so confusing for me. Nobody I know has ever known about AS, and so when I talk about the symptoms or how I connect myself with AS, they say, "That's just who you are".

Yet i will think about how in High School Maths, I was exceptionally good at Maths, but It would take me sometimes 20 minutes to answer a simple question. I could always get it, and it wasn't as if i was mulling over the question intensely trying to work it out. My mind would just go blank for a while and I would start staring at the lines in the paper, the wood on the desk, the blinds. i would start to count the indents in the material in the ceiling, then go back to the question, rinse, repeat.

That is something only I know, and when I try and tell people, I don't explain it the way it feels in my head and they say "Everyone gets distracted in the classroom".

Just like when i'm in conversation about something i'm interested in. I used to interrupt people continuosly or wait for a pause in their conversation to start speaking. I felt this restlessness where i would get the best idea in my head and would have to say it as soon as possible otherwise i would forget it. I often wouldn't really listen whilst trying to keep this idea in my head, or i would listen and think they are wrong or their idea is naive and then i would say "but, the theory of relativity doesn't say that nothing can travel at the speed of light, it only states that items with mass or a weight cannot approach the speed of light, as their mass increases with the affect of speed on the mass, creating more mass, therefor creating more drag, eventually reaching a plateau of speed that cannot be increased." Then they would say proudly "but there is no matter in space, its a vacuum, there is no wind to slow you down", and i would cut them off and go "ahh yes, but there is gravity, energy and various other forces at work" and such. My ex and her family used to think I was very rude because i would always interrupt and talk over them.
But when I tell people that I do this, and its unintentional, i can't help it, people say "i sometimes only want to talk about what I want to talk about too" and you can tell that they don't actually go through the same process as you, but they think what you do may not be normal, but isn't wrong and "makes me who I am" and find it endearing.

When you went to the Psychologist, did you mention AS straight up? If so, what did the Psychologist say? Is it abnormal to go to a psychologist and ask to be tested for a particular syndrome?

I was having insomnia due to a really bad cockroach infestation. My family practitioner referred me to a psychiatrist. After taking my verbal history, he diagnosed me as an aspie.

Well, I had severe Autism, and I was diagnosed when I was 18 months old (Because it was so bad). With lots of therapy and some luck, I have been rediagnosed with Aspergers (Though I perfer saying that I have High Functioning Autism, as I just don't think you can switch disorders)

TBam, the best way to explain Aspergers to someone who doesn't know is to refer to it as a mild version of Autism. Autism is better known. It's possible that your wife may be reacting to you because of that, and she is thinking she's done something wrong. If so, reassure her ASAP.

This is all about finding yourself, which you have every right to do. If your wife is truly understanding she'll stand alongside you and support you all the way through it. Ask her for her support, because you need to do this - as you say - for the sake of any children you may father given the genetic basis of ASD's. Better to know than to not know.

I had been a fan of The Vines for a couple of years already when I heard about Craig Nicholls's diagnosis. I had no idea what Asperger's was, so I researched it and realised i had it too, so I went to a specialist and got an official diagnosis.

. . . . suddenly the perpetual confusion lifted. . . .


P.S. Good luck with the next album Craig... take it easy, buddy!

Several years of being completely housebound; a psychotic episode; a couple of psychiatric hospital visits; a whole heap of labels, some right, some wrong; a couple of years of CBT for OCD (which worked for the OCD); still had problems with doing...everything; close to dropping myself; found this thingy called the AQ test by Simon Baron-Cohen, scored in the forties a few times (that's interesting; me, autistic? Nah, my OCD symptoms are overlapping with the questions thought I). Over a few months of reading stuff concerning ASDs (clinical), much speaking to my mother concerning my developmental history; brought it up with the dude who was giving me CBT, and he told me he always thought I had Asperger's, but neglected to inform me (thanks there, dude); read around here, figured I was "worst" than AS, and going by my language/verbal delay/impairment as a child, and my indifference to others, was deemed to have autistic disorder, albeit high-functioning by the same psychiatrist.

Went to Professor Attwood's and said to have AS (this confused me as isn't AS "mild"?), no, it turns out AS is in fact autism, just with adequate speech as an adult (childhood history doesn't matter).

I never suspected anything until the comorbids came out and once they were treated, I was no "better", so I went looking for other causes (schizophrenia was my personal bet, especially with my paranoia--which was a part of my AS in the end).

That's me.

I read a book about ten years ago that detailed various difficulties people had. The description of AS sounded a lot like me. I have never been formally diagnosed.

My cousin was recently diagnosed with a mild form of autism, and my brother is studying to be a nurse and wants to help autistic kids -- it interested me so I started looking up autism on the Internet. I read an article about AS and it sounded exactly like me.

I had troubles the first couple of years in school, so my mother took me to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Asperger's. She didn't tell me untill I was 16 though.

I felt a great relief. My philosphy is to not worry about fitting in or standing out, all that matters is that you are yourself. But that doesn't change that I was happy to find out why I always seemed to be different from everybody else.

I make a point of not keeping my aspieness a secret, but I don't seek out high places to shout it from either. If I do have a reason to tell others (Often in connection to either that I never feel pain, or that I dislike most physical contact. Others tend to notice that) I tell them that I have Asperger's syndrom. Unless they ask to it I leave it at that.

People often ask when they hear a new word though, and in those cases I tell them about the autistic spectrum, about Hans Asperger and about which symptoms I have.
Often people will see a bit of themselves in the symptoms, but I don't think it should be interpreted as them disbelieving me, rather I think it is their way of letting their guard down. Saying "Hey I'm weird too sometimes!" so to speak. I have noticed that when you tell somebody your oddities, they will be comfortable telling about theirs as well, especially if they are like yours in any way.

On the month of my 30th birthday (last december)...

One of the online games I play has a close knit forum community and one of the members posted a story about his young son who had autism. He provided some information links.. being the curious I-must-learn freak I am I clicked on it... read a bit... learned there were many different types of autism (which I had no idea, for me autism=rainman back then) .. clicked the link on Asperger...

and lets just say that the 'symptoms' described at that link were, word by word, me. Began to search for more information, someone in another forum gave me the link to this place...

... and here I learned even more and I had no doubt about my AS.

After 29 years of knowing I was an outsider to everyone and everything social this came to me as a huge morale boost. I mean, how can it not be to realize that the one thing that kept you down all your life is not consciously your fault but its just the way you're mind is wired?

All my life I had tried a hundred different little things to improve or fix my problems and some had some success, most failed and some others became some of my best skills. However.. and this is hard to describe... it was like knowing you were at war with the problem but not knowing what your enemy really was.. so most of my efforts were designed to approach the problem from the wrong angles. It was becoming quite depressing to try so many things and not knowing WHY they didnt work.

After learning of AS here and finally knowing what I was up against AND having a vast amount of information about it, you could say i'm now well armed and trigger happy to get back into the fight