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A lack of anything to say

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AbominableSnoCone
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18 Sep 2005, 6:42 pm

I don't know how to reach out to people. I see other people get into close, meaningful 2-way friendships & relationships and I am just filled with envy. I hate it when people tell me to just 'put yourself out there' or 'people usually just talk about nothing'. I've tried just starting up conversations and (except in rare occasions) conversation does not just happen spontaneously and naturally. Plus, I hate it when people just IM or stop me in the halls to say Hi when I haven't had time to plan out topics of conversation and they have none planned because it just leads to me feeling uncomfortable with an awkward silence. I have a 'friend' who is very often IMing me to say Hi and it gets really annoying.

I guess some people get over their social inhibitions by being annoyingly persistent (thats what my 'friend' does) but I don't want to be "that guy". I have a sense of pride, and I don't think putting myself in that kind of humiliating position repeatedly is worth it: its like I'd get what I want (occasionally) but I'd lose the feelings of self-worth that make me human. But I don't much like the alternative either: sitting here stewing silently in my room.

I just want something to talk about.


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mikibacsi1124
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18 Sep 2005, 7:04 pm

AbominableSnoCone wrote:
I don't know how to reach out to people. I see other people get into close, meaningful 2-way friendships & relationships and I am just filled with envy. I hate it when people tell me to just 'put yourself out there' or 'people usually just talk about nothing'. I've tried just starting up conversations and (except in rare occasions) conversation does not just happen spontaneously and naturally. Plus, I hate it when people just IM or stop me in the halls to say Hi when I haven't had time to plan out topics of conversation and they have none planned because it just leads to me feeling uncomfortable with an awkward silence. I have a 'friend' who is very often IMing me to say Hi and it gets really annoying.


I have a hard time reaching out to people, initiating conversation, carrying it, and finding the right things to say as well. Sometimes I wish people would just reach out to me more, but realistically I know I have to make some effort to put myself out there. I know I also come on too strong sometimes, while other times people think I'm really quiet.

Of course, I'm always thrilled when people randomly IM me or say "Hi" to me when passing by, regardless of how much I have to say.



AbominableSnoCone
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18 Sep 2005, 7:14 pm

mikibacsi1124 wrote:
Of course, I'm always thrilled when people randomly IM me or say "Hi" to me when passing by, regardless of how much I have to say.


I would be, and often am, but not always. Sometimes (or often) I worry that I'm offending them by not being entertaining enough. Other times I think they're just talking to me because they see me as a freakshow friend and they delight in seeing my strange reactions, or that they're doing it because they pity me or want to be seen as being an 'openminded' person: not because they actually like being around me.


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jb814
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19 Sep 2005, 7:14 am

AbominableSnoCone wrote:
mikibacsi1124 wrote:
Of course, I'm always thrilled when people randomly IM me or say "Hi" to me when passing by, regardless of how much I have to say.


I would be, and often am, but not always. Sometimes (or often) I worry that I'm offending them by not being entertaining enough. Other times I think they're just talking to me because they see me as a freakshow friend and they delight in seeing my strange reactions, or that they're doing it because they pity me or want to be seen as being an 'openminded' person: not because they actually like being around me.


I tend to be suspicious when people say "Hi", for all sorts of different reasons, depending on what I think of the person who is saying it.
I went through a phase of categorising silence and would ask people if they thought there were "hostile" silences, "friendly" silences, "relaxed" silences, etc. With some people it provoked thought, most just thought I was being strange.



hale_bopp
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19 Sep 2005, 7:52 am

I have the same problem.



...



even in this thread. :(



AbominableSnoCone
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19 Sep 2005, 8:10 am

LOL ok, at least I know someone was actually listening though :)


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19 Sep 2005, 8:33 am

Same here. I react to rather than start conversations, and even then only to "non-empty" topics (a lot of normal conversations seem to be nothing, as mentioned before).