just completly Clueless???? ....about everything?

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anybody else feel the same way I do. I am clueless about everything. I have known alot of people in my lifetime im 20 btw. 99% of them random aquantainces through that iv had a decent amount of contact with.......alot actually thought i was a cool person in the beggining........and I have absolutly no idea why most of them parted ways with being in my spere of contact.

I mean people have come and gone from my social consciousness some even bordering friendships........yet I cant say and I have no idea why anything of them left me as apposed to breaking the barrier and actually becoming friends. If i remember correctly its usually follows a logical chain of progression of getting to know them (and them getting to know me) and I screw up somewhere along that line of flow and that results in them not liking me. Im pretty sure thats what happens but to what that is I have no idea.

Maybe I dont know anything about friendships or getting to know people?

I feel like I dont know anything. and bizarely at times I know quite at lot that other people might not know. Very rare but still.

and also I have no idea what other people think of me. Honestly I dont know if its because im paranoid or this or that but i have suspiciouns that that other people think Im about a thousand different things. I really beleive some people might think im a dork and then others might think im a stalker and then others might think im a gay person and then others might think im 100% normal or just shy. And there might be more than that alot more.......... I have absolutly no idea I think this but i cant tell how other people see me as. Nobody ever says "dude you looked kinda suspicious"

So when i see people who were once friendly with me start to back off it just hurts me because I have no idea what I did that makes them not like me anymore

For example this one buddy of m ine seemed like he was a good friend awhile back and now I notice that he backs off alot now almost like hes trying to be somewhat friendly but in a non-chalant way. I cant make any sense of it. I reallythought this guy was actually gonna be somebody who is really cool with me.

Its like I DID SOMETHING or I SAID SOMETHING. I have no idea what it is. NOBODY ever says what it is. Nobody i have ever met said "hey you were a oool guy until u said/did this" EVErybody stays quiet so I have no idea what it is that broke the connection between us.

anybody else feel this way? i realize that due to my ranting nature and mispelled words I probably looked about as smart as a NT 14 year old girl.

People often attach that label to me.

its not always quite the label....there is so much more to it. I feel like for the people that dont know me THEY probably put a label but the people that actually know me and then LEAVE me know better than to put a label. Those people just end up not liking me for a reason they wont say or for a reason they cant even explain themselves or even know about.

I am partially paranoid. I question the intent of others many times. Sometimes I trust a person, but I've learned not to. I keep them at a distance, no matter how close they may be.

I feel like I'm reverting to my old ways where I don't give a damn about people. This past year was very stressful for me (in terms of relationships with others). Attempting to care, yet no fruitful outcome, leaves me blind. I have people who consider themselves close to me (well intentioned people for whom others would consider friends). I just don't feel anything other than confusion.