How to listen to people when they are talking

Post Reply New Topic

Apparently I mess this up all the time at home.

When my hubby is talking to me, he gets very annoyed when I don't give him the correct listening responses. I sit there and listen, and nod and make all the right noises (or so I thought), but then he stops talking, and I am supposed to respond. Sometimes I will say "yes, that sounds like it would be very frustrating" and he will say "it's not frustrating, it's annoying!".

How the heck am I supposed to know the correct words to say?? I've already learned to nod and and say ah huh.

Takdes two to tango. I am willing to bet three counterfeit lek he ha problems knowing how to listen to you and know what cues mean what.

Learned responses will not substitute for natural. With good will on both sides, anybody can figure out and learn a system; might take him adjusting his signals.

Talk about it, do not give up.

That doesn't sound like a listening problem. It sounds like an interpretation problem.

It sounds like you are saying and doing the right things.

Does this only happen when your husband is annoyed/irritated/whatever..? If that's the case, he may just be taking his irritation out on you; this isn't fair, and perhaps you should tell him next time he rants that you aren't going to listen because he jumps down your throat everytime you try to be supportive.

I guess that just under a half of all speech is "pointless" padding that adds absolutely no meaning to the concepts being discussed and is the part of life that people with Asperger's do not get. If you observe the dialogue in any romantic movie, then a lot of it is repetitive and meaningless (verbally) but adds to the bonding, or emphasises the differences, between people.

Maybe you just need to repeat what he just said, or paraphrase it back to him, just to demonstrate that you understand and agree with him. Of course this might annoy him even more if you get it wrong, but that is life.

yes yes i have a major problem listining to others unless the topics holds an intrest otherwize im in space, plus i talk out of turn . now wen im sharing a hobbie aka obseesion i can interact with strangers just fine throw me in wallmart or an office ohh no lol i freeze up and drift to pluto. im told im rude alot

When I'm trying to listen to social talking I'll pick up a detail and then ask follow-up questions when the other person stops talking. That way you seem both like you're paying attention and you're interested in them, even though that one detail may be all you picked up