Aspergers! My god but no one noticed!

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OK here it is. I am 42 years old. I grew up in the West Coast of Scotland and today live in the USA with my Texan wife. Just recently I began to wonder if in fact I have been an AS sufferer all of these years. I strongly believe that this is so.

My parents were not all tolerant of me as a child, I tended to be very clumsy and just not that well coordinated and back then parents tended to lash out when I broke things. Weird thing is I recognize the very same things in my paternal cousin and also his son. I also had problems sleeping, and was taken to see my Doctor many times, he stated that I was hyperactive and that was that.

At school I had one or two friends but I was never a great socializer and never always understood jokes (particularly sarcasm which I took to heart). I was generally quite shy and never really had a girlfriend until I was in my late teens. My parents put these things down to me being a 'late-developer'.

As a child I had a little OCD where I had to touch things, or look at things over and over and had to force myself to stop. As a child I tried to hide this because my parents would shout at me whenever I did this, which really only made things worse.

The other thing I did was that I would organize things, eg, pencils, books etc... had to be parallel with the edges of the table. My books in my bookcase had to be ordered and I could not tolerate any book being wrongly placed or the wrong way up. As the years went on I have been able to overcome a lot of this. At times when I am a little anxious or my mind is on something else, OCD is still there, when closing doors or drawers - it takes my will power to overcome it.

Recently I came across a couple who are AS sufferers. I was a little surprised when they asked me if I was one too. They told me that they felt that I was. So I told them much the same as here and they felt for sure that I was.

So at 42 with this realization, what can I do now about it? Should I have it diagnosed? If so how do I go about it?

Thanks!

I was 50 before I found out I had AS, and only then because I was having so many compounding problems my doctor sent me to a psychologist and after a few sessions (with lots of strange questions) she slowly raised it with me.

Whilst not the best thing that ever happened to me – it is close to it, after 50 years of ‘not fitting in’ and thinking I was from another planet (Mars specifically!), nothing has changed except I have an understanding as to why I am as I am. I wish I had been diagnosed as a child maybe it would not have taken as long to get to where I am with my life now.

The other ‘bonus’ is that it has helped my relationship with my wife, because we have at least been able to discuss how AS has affected our relationship (actually I was fine – I just did not know how hard the last 25 years had been for her). It is also a help knowing so much about AS because whilst I do not think my daughter has AS she has many strong traits, and understanding AS has helped our relationship).

So do you need to take it further? Only you can answer that. Do you think knowing you have AS (or something else) would improve your life or that of those around you?

I will always advocate the pursuit of a formal diagnosis. It's never good to not really know for sure - especially within yourself.

I, on the other hand, do not advocate the pursuit of formal diagnosis in adults, unless you are seeking SS disablilty income. In most states it will only complicate your health insurance. Just participate in this community for a few months. If you feel like you fit in here, if you find the advice helpful, then what difference does it make whether you meet formal disgnostic criteria?

Nice to meet you, alienesque.

Whether it's good or bad to get a formal diagnosis depends on where you live, whether you feel in need of services or help or therapy and of course, it does depend on whether you really want to have another more professional opinion on this topic.
That are the things I considered before deciding to get out to receive a formal diagnosis.

The place of residence might be important, because different countries have different laws to go by when you are diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. It may have influence or no influence on your job situation. I suppose that's most important for someone who's your age.

Insurance might be another factor to consider. Public and private insurances handle it differently. I know I probably won't get a private insurance because of my diagnosis.

If you feel that any kind of services can help you to adjust better in life or in only some areas, then a diagnosis is the precondition to get them quite often (not always). That's why I decided to get diagnosed at age 18/19. Therapy can be helpful without a diagnosis too, but usually, if the therapist is aware of the origin of any life issues, therapy becomes truly helpful.

The last point to consider is all personal thoughts and feeling about it. Is it better to know for sure, must a professional confirm that one has an ASD or not? Is it possible it's something else, something on top of it- will the official diagnosis change how one feels? (It usually does I think.)

If you can afford to pay for the diagnosis yourself, I think you can prevent the insurance system from receiving the results. Diagnosis can be expensive ($2,000-$3,000). I'm pursuing diagnosis at 43 and am still working on finding a woman to share my life with. You've got me beat by a long shot.

Z

I agree with this. I also don't think having a formal diagnosis means knowing for sure, or even knowing at all.

Welcome to WP, I second Mr. Mark's opinion for you seeking diagnosis, as well as Anbuend's agreement. If you are able to function in society more or less adequately, why spend the cash on a diagnosis that could cause complications? --This will probably cause more trouble than it's worth for you.

Thanks for your replies. It's a closure thing I think for me. The more I learn about Aspergers Syndrome the more I recognize the symptoms in me, and I'm going back a long time. I was about 9 or 10 (so around 1975 I think) when I first noticed these things and my family started to comment.

I am British by birth and go back there every summer (when my wife and I dodge the Texas heat) so I'm thinking there might be a way of consulting an NHS Doctor and pursuing a diagnosis that way, and that way it shouldn't really impact on my life here in the US and shouldn't cost too much. Maybe it could lead to a better understanding of myself.

It is a good point, that this could affect how others view me in the work environment. It could certainly be a problem I think, and therefore I will not want it disclosed.

I've been reading over some comments on the boards and really recognize myself in some of these situations.

1. do the Aspie Quiz it is not perfect, but it will serve to settle your thoughts.

2. have a read of my blog post on The Aspergers Brand: Getting the Aspie Label (Life with Aspergers). In it talk about the label as well as my reasons why I think there is no need for an adult to be diagnosed formally.

There is no reason why you shouldn't continue to use aspie resources regardless of whether or not you have been formally diagnosed.

With respect to the other posters - I read and appreciated every word.

I thought I'd especially answer you Zonder. I was still single in my early 30's, I'd had a couple of girlfriends by then, so although a late bloomer I was able to meet people and develop some social skills. My wife and I have been together since 2000 and I'm very thankful that I met someone who doesn't judge me for being a little different. We are both very open with one another about feelings and I've never had that with anyone before. So I'm a little different in some ways, but hey just about everything I do in America is different anyway - I'm Scottish afterall! Moral of the story is, take heart my friend, there are good women out there!

Last edited by alienesque on 28 Feb 2008, 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

gbollard, Thanks I'll go do that. I like your DW avatar btw. Have you got Torchwood over there yet?

Hi alienesque,

We did get Torchwood but the channel that showed it wasn't the normal Dr Who channel. It massacred the show.

- Promoted it as another "Cop show" like Law and Order
- Moved the timeslot about 3 times, finally ending up starting at 11pm
- Filled it up with advertisement breaks.

I stopped watching after episode 2, then went out and got the DVDs instead. It's great.

I'm still waiting for the Sarah Jane adventures though.

gbollard, They are showing season 2 of TW on BBC America right now - each episode is aired exactly one week after it airs in the UK.

***

OK I tried the test and these were my results, see what you think:

Your neurodiversity (Aspie) score: 85 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 106 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie (neurodiversity) and neurotypical traits

Diagnostic prediction for Score Prediction
Social phobia 114 You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
Asperger/HFA/PDD 112 You will probably be able to receive the diagnosis
OCD 80 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
Bipolar 79 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
ADD/ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder) 54 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek
Dyslexia 50 This isn't a primary diagnosis you should seek

I consistantly score between 100 and 120 aspie and 80 to 90 NT, hence the term "half-aspie."

I consider people like you & me to be "VHFA" or "well-adapted."