Arguments - Do you always talk about yourself?

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tbam
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03 Mar 2008, 7:30 pm

In arguments, i'm finding more and more that I can't help talking about myself, my feelings, my perspective etc.

My intentions aren't selfish, I just try and rationalise what the argument is about and I think of all the possible perspectives and try and explain why there is no problem, there doesn't need to be a problem or I didn't mean to cause that problem.

In addition to this, i often think of how she would react (more like how I would react) to a certain point, decide whether its valid, then either say it or not say it. Its almost like I have the entire argument planned out in my head (as though the argument is between two me's and not me and them), and try and rationalise the easiest and best process to solving the argument. Though I somehow end up making it all about me, which is the only thing that makes sense to me, usually, in arguments.

For example:
I've screwed up (as I usually do) and in the argument, i only talk about how I didn't mean to screw up, the exact process of events that lead up to it and how it makes sense to me, and I didn't mean it. That I know she is hurt but I didn't mean it.

She gets even more upset because i'm not saying sorry, i'm not acknowledging I've done anything wrong, and i'm not caring about whether she's hurt because I keep re-telling the same story of how the events proceeded over and over again.

I was just trying to explain that I didn't mean to hurt her, that it was innocent and I meant well, so she shouldn't be hurt.

Her side of things doesn't make sense to me outside of that. Though more often than not, regardless of whether I understand, I say sorry, and try to move on.

Though me being me, when something happens again, i go through the same process and this time use the past argument to try and rationalise this argument even more.

Does anyone go through the same torturous process with NTs?



jawbrodt
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03 Mar 2008, 7:55 pm

I don't engage in arguements. Either I accept that I was wrong, or I explain why I was right. End of story.


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DukeGallison
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03 Mar 2008, 8:26 pm

I'm always afraid to get into arguments, because I find that I very, very rarely win them, so I might as well keep the peace with my family and friends online.



scumsuckingdouchebag
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04 Mar 2008, 3:58 pm

I think of possible future arguments in my head quite often, but they never come close to what the reality later is if such an argument actually occurs.



DukeGallison
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04 Mar 2008, 3:59 pm

scumsuckingdouchebag wrote:
I think of possible future arguments in my head quite often, but they never come close to what the reality later is if such an argument actually occurs.

That sums up my feelings exactly.



TLPG
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04 Mar 2008, 5:37 pm

Tbam, it's automatic. It's called self defence because the automatic reaction to criticism is natural for us. That's what it is. Those who have a go at you for that need an education in the Spectrum.