Why would people need to be told they may have AS?

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When there's nothing that can be done about it. There's no "cure", it's hard even to get diagnosed with it, and it can't always be used for accomodations.

I keep seeing people wanting to tell people they might be AS. Some even feel they have a responsibility to tell them, and they're not being a good friend or helpful person if they're not.

I can see it if the person is looking for reasons why they might be so different, and might be looking for others that feel the same way for advice and understanding. Then I can see telling them about possible AS and pointing them to somewhere like here.

It might help in a partner situation, or it might not. For instance, if the partner doesn't believe in AS and thinks it's all a lot of BS that they might have it, what's the good of tellign them? But if it might help them to understand why they do what they do, and help them to try to see their partner's point of view better.

But if it's a friend, co-worker or acquaintance, why would they need to know? It might not actually even be the case that they have AS, or they might have it and know it but were keeping it a secret for reasons of their own. It might help them to know or it might not. Once they found out there was no "cure", if they thought it was somehow bad that they had it, they might become very depressed about it. (Whereas if you told a possibly bipolar friend that they might be bipolar, they could get some medication for it that might help. Or people with depression or anxiety disorders--there are treatments and medications for those, though they don't always help either.)

Of course it might be just the thing they need. I guess you would need to know the person really well to know how they would take it and if they'd see it as positive or something to become depressed and anxious about. I can't see telling a co-worker or acquaintance or less than long-time friend. But that's just me.

I don't mean this in a blanket way of sourse, just that it depends on the situation, I guess.

And yes, what I"m saying is colored by the fact that I have been depressed and anxious about AS ever since I learned about it over 6 years ago! Probably most Aspies aren't like me. And if they turned out not to be Aspie, they would probably just forget about it too.

For me it was affirmation that I am not just a bad person because I don't 'feel bad' when a cute child dies or something. I honestly don't feel bad. And for a while I thought it was just because I was evil. That was just an example pulled from god knows where. But I think it gets what I am trying to say across. There are also other things. I know what I need to do to try to correct some things, and what things I can't change about myself... For me there were many reasons.

Like many things you are born with or acquire there is no cure, however, knowledge is power, and understanding AS (or even that one is left handed) at least one allows you to understand more about the self, and secondly allows you to at least understand situations where you may have various strengths and weaknesses. I went 50 years thinking most people in the world were just plain weird – I now understand why I think that, but I am still not changing my mind – they are weird!

Mikhaillost & IsThatAFact: Those reasons all make sense to me. But would you have rather had someone tell you about it, or learn it on your own? Or I guess what I mean is, if, before you knew you had AS, would you have wanted someone to tell you about it and felt bad and like they weren't a good friend if you found out years later they knew all along but never told you?

[quote="Norah_W"]When there's nothing that can be done about it. There's no "cure", it's hard even to get diagnosed with it, and it can't always be used for accomodations.

Maybe where you live, it doesn't do any good to have a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. In my state, I am finally getting the
educational assistance to help me with college expenses now that I have a correct diagnosis so I can be a contributing member
of society. Besides, after all the mistreatment and abuse by too many psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health professionals who brushed me off as "mentally ill," having a correct diagnosis of AS gives me some peace of mind.

But if it's a friend, co-worker or acquaintance, why would they need to know? /quote]

I certainly wouldn't tell any coworker or acquaintance of my diagnosis of AS and any friend I tell would have to be a really close
one. We all face challenges and difficulties in life so why single yourself out as being "different?" That's what makes the life so
diversified and interesting...we all have something to contribute to make it a great world.

I wish someone would have told me earlier, that I have AS. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Finding out, that I wasn't unique and alone, probably saved my life.

Before that, I was suicidal. Not knowing what was wrong with me, nearly drove me insane.

I'm much better off, knowing.

For most people, I think it's up to them to discover it in their own time. But if I could see that someone was being made miserable by not understanding themself, I might bring it up as a possibility. Only if someone was clearly tortured by typical aspie problems and didn't know why.

However, if I was talking to someone and they said they had suspicions, I would definately encourage them to seek a formal diagnosis, because I love mine!

I've been wondering the same thing: why tell someone if you're not very close with them and have reason to believe they would be receptive to the information.

I think my boyfriend of 3 years might have AS. I have thought so since I met him. But I have no plans to tell him because I'm pretty sure he would not be interested and he might even be offended. I know him well enough to know it would do more harm than good (at this point in time, at least). That is if I brought it up out of nowhere. If it somehow came up in conversation, that might be a different story.

I think if you are close to them it is definately a good thing to suggest to them. I also think that if you have AS it is a great thing to discover you have it.

The reason I think this, is due to the nature of AS, not knowing leaves you in a world that doesn't make sense and you are constantly striving to be like everyone else and not succeeding. You feel isolated emotionally, and even try and compromise this to satisfy the norm. You essentially lose your connection with yourself, and subconsciously you are confused about who you really are.

I think that if people with AS that didn't know it or about it, asked themselves the question "Who am I...really?" they would not get an answer that really explains who they are, or they wouldn't be able to answer it except with material references. Because in my opinion life before finding out about AS has been a battle that you don't realise is a battle. You feel certain ways in situations and you don't get why?.

As one other poster said, I used to think I was evil, and even idealised the idea of being a demon and still have a fascination with demonic images. Its a hell of a thing to at one point realise "I really don't care about anyone, or anything right now other than doing what I want to do, not my parents, not my wife, not anyone. Right now, I wouldn't care if I never saw them again if it meant I could do what I wanted (special interest)." and the thing is, you can't tell ANYONE these feelings, because you think that people will think you're crazy or a sociopath, or hate you, or want you out of their life. Which then brings you to the other question of "Why do I care about that?" and you realise that you do care but you don't, its like a conflict that changes moods depending on what you want and whether you realise what you need.

Finding out that there is a reason you feel this way, is great, because it makes you feel like you're not going to turn into a serial killer, that you're not evil, you do care, but in a different way.

The people that have AS and don't know, I feel are going through their own battles in their minds. This is obviously based on my own experience, however I think that others would feel the same if they had found out about AS as an adult, especially if they had tried relationships with NTs and wondered why the same problems kept cropping up.

Its up to the individual as to whether they tell someone they think they might have AS. But I think it is a good idea to suggest it, because it might change their life. It is then up to the person (who might have AS) how they respond to this, and whether they pursue it.

Finding out who you really are and have been all along is a fantastic feeling, even if there are still hurdles to jump in order to express who you are freely.

I'd be willing to bet that a lot of Aspies know they are not "normal" from a very young age. That can be ...trying... on one's sanity.

The need to know topic

When I was dx I had never heard of AS, and then at first I thought I was a freak. It took me a few months to get used to it. I told no one, not my family, not co-workers. i just told them tests I had were inconclusive for a learning disability--this is what was originally tested for. I was told i had AS, CAPD, dyspraxia, OCD. This explained a lot. I was glad i knew, but things went downhill from there.

It got increasingly hard to get a job after I lost the one i was at when i was diagnosed. I supposed i had to get used to things. I do not blame AS. It is the co-ordination thing for me. The more I try, the worse it gets. As I age my body is even harder to synchronize with my mind. I am very thankful I have AS, because I would be a basket case without my mind!

I wouldn't want to tell anyone at work or at home about my suspected AS. It could only hurt me at this point.

I didn't know about AS until my first child was diagnosed.

It brought meaning to my life.


I was happy not knowing - but now I'm even happier because I know.


and also, in WP, I've finally met a bunch of like-minded individuals.

Why not get a diagnosis, if there's nothing better to do? It's useful for telling certain people who understand.

I know personally that I felt completely lost until I found out about Asperger's. I didn't understand why I was the way I was or why I was so different from everybody else. It's just a relief to understand the why.

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer here. My mom's a social worker, and she's suspected that her brother is aspie for about three years now, about as long as she's been researching it for me. She has not told either him or their mother about this, and I can understand why. He's doing very well and probably isn't even diagnosable at this point, so what purpose would telling him serve? OTOH, if someone was really struggling and needed services, or just even peace of mind, telling them would probably be advantageous. I think people need to be very careful about telling others they are or may be aspie, though. I was very hurt when my parents told me at first. I thought that they were saying there was something wrong with me.