Now vs. Then

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Look back at your life one ago today.

Do you think you're dealing with life better today than you were one year ago?

For me today was probably the most productive day I've had since I arrived here in oshkosh.

Last year on this very day people were making fun of me behind my back (I'm talking about you gretchen!) calling me weird, and other things, thinking I would never find out becasue they didn't know that aspies have hypersensitive hearing.

In general my first month of school life last year here in oshkosh, from what I wrote in emails, was pretty close to living in hell.

First month of school this semester so far has been a breeze. Very little has happened that has actually distrubed me to any great deal.

I am absolutely in a better place now than last year. And a far better place than the year before that. I don't know if it's maturation or just luck or what, but I'm glad I'm living now and not a year ago.

It's hard to say. On one hand, I've made a lot of progress financially and professionally. I got my own place, a new car, a hott boyfriend, and a nice raise. On the other hand, I've been under loads of stress at work lately with no end in sight, and I catch myself running to the bathroom to hide/cry/meltdown more and more.

In the last year, I haven't really changed for better or for worse. I had a major boost between the end of 2001 and mid 2004, though. Major improvement in those times... in confidence and socialising.

My life was pretty good a year ago. After everything that had happened (which I don't want to go into right now) it was good to have some happiness in my life. Now though, life is pretty crap.

My life is better now than it was a year ago. Although I do miss the relatively laid-back lifestyle of college, rather than fast-paced working world.

Factually, my life IS much better than it was a year ago-tough for me to be objective about it. When I get in a unhappy mood, it feels like I haven't gotten anywhere, that I'm not making any progress. My team of professionals & the few close persons tell me I'm improving, that they've observed/heard me then vs. now. Can't take credit for the good things in my life that were bad/absent in the past. Don't feel like I've control over what happens, nor how I'll handle it. So I feel lucky for the moment, know it's a fragile stability.
Also, superstition of if I say things are good, that's tempting fate & inviting something bad to happen, as compensation. Illogical, perhaps-my pessimistic & wounded side is showing.

No.

worse. much worse

Every year it just keeps getting better and better for me, as I learn more. I'm a very different person to how I was 5 years ago. If I came on here back then, you wouldn't think I'd be anything like I am now.

Its hard to say... Ive finished a year of college and all that but dont have all that good of a GPA (though hopefully it will go up now) but Im still quite depressed and often times overstressed.

_________________
"we never get respect ... never a fair trial
[swearing removed by lau] ... as long as we smile"
Im tired of smiling.

Vote for me in 2020

I don't think I've changed much this past year. The year before that, however, was a definite emotional growth year for me.

I would say I am in a better place overall.

The Good

I have now gotten my semi-official diagnosis;

I am no longer in a deep depression and ridden with anxiety attacks which I was having last fall;

my financial income has been stabilized and is sort of making things easier (even though I do not qualify for Medicaid any longer);

I am back in school and my grades so far have been excellent and I am also seeing an incredibly clear path for my future now;

I am having an easier time of focusing and "getting into the groove";

and I am fairly popular amongst my professors and am liked by most of the students (though we still have little more friendships than in the classroom setting).

The Not-So-Good

My apartment is still a big source of anxiety and stress for me;

I am going to be selling the car that I have but doesn't run so well and needs a lot of repair and will be starting to take the bus to school more frequently (but this in turn will also be saving me gas money);

I miss my caseworker, whom I no longer see and who was a big part of my life and a good friend-- despite that we are keeping in touch, it is incredibly limited;

my income has increased but my worries haven't ceased, just shifted to new ones: now with the increased income, I worry that my financial aid will be lessened to the point where I cannot afford attending Webster any longer and I also worry about moving out of this apartment since the complex isn't the nicest of places and the owner is an a**hole and scares most of the residents;

my health has declined a great deal since last year, even though it wasn't so hot then, and now without insurance I cannot even get it taken care of;

as for the possibility of Diabetes, I have attempted to care for it through diet but this is very hard and I suspect that I will need medications as well which help to keep the blood sugar a little more stable;

and this possible Diabetes has also caused a change in mood for myself (which for awhile I was unaware was one of the symptoms)-- I have become increasingly more irritable.

But overall, my life is much improved and my path now seems clearer. I know what I want to do.