I have to buy happiness. (I'm feeling extremely down again)

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I'm alone all the time I only really have my parents has friends. I spend a lot of l my time on my computer or loving our pet b***h Sherry who's a Yorkshire terrier Jack Russel cross because that's the only few things that keep me going. When I get bored I get extremely depressed I have nothing to get rid of that bordem only my computer. I have no friends I can turn to to brighten up my day. The only way I am able to get out of the bordem and rid myself of being so depressed for a short perod of time is if I go out and buy myself something or stuff my face full of all kinds of unhealthy food.

I normally buy myself stuff such has a new game for my computer, a movie or if I have more money on me I will by some new hardware for my computer. This can be a problem when I don't have a job and the only money I have is benfits. This also makes me feel extremely guilty has I'm given this money and I just buy toys has it were with it. This is one of the reason I use to download alot of movies has I could never aford to constantly keep buying so many movies.

I feel like I'm broken or something and what was the point of me even being born if I'm unhappy all the time. Sometimes I get so down I just stop looking after myself such has cleaning myself has often has I should or taking pride in my appearance. I mean what's the dam point everyday is exactly the same.

NT people don't realise how lucky they are to find making friends and getting lovers so much easier it's so natural to them. They to can become depressed and lonely but at least they have the foundation to fix it. I have nothing at all.

I'd love to have my own place a wife and kids of my own one day but to be honest I can never see that happening either. I have nothing to live for and no way of fixing it.

I've felt the exact same way, 10 years ago.

Dang, I totally identify. I never know what to do when I'm around other ppl except say hi to them. My 2 cats are the ones that really keep me company. Aaargh, I hate it.
I'd call up my nt friend but I'm sick of her getting mad at me for stupid things.

I feel exactly the same man for the past year since I've figured out I had aspergers. Knowing there is nothing I can do about it gets me down. I always feel I got the short end of the stick. People are so lucky to be NT. To life a normal life with friends, all your senses, emotions. The simple things that people take for granted. Alot of times I daydream what it would be like if I didn't have aspergers.

I want to experience love. I know I can love. I've seen couples and how they look at each other and I want that. I'd prefer an Aspie girl friend for a few reason. Could you imagine how often a NT female would get hurt thinking I'd have gone off them because there'd be times when I needed to be myself. I don't like to upset people even more so if it were to be someone who I love very much. An Aspie couple would understand each others quirks and not take them to heart.

I do think a girl friend would completely revolutionize my life. I'd have a reason to get up each morning and be happier there for look after myself better. I'd have someone there when I needed someone and vis versa a companion and for once I'd be in love.

Bah thinking like this just makes me feel worse because I can't see it happening.

I tried buying friends. Before I went off to college, I bought a whole lot of stuff, including several big-ticket items, hoping that people would be impressed.

I felt that if I had a lot of stuff, people would think I'm wealthy. I even majored in geology because I found out that geologists made a lot of money, even though it wasn't what I really wanted to do. (I have since changed my major).

Yet, still no friends.

What you said is exactly the way I feel all the time, every day, I'm only lucky in the fact that I am a single mother responsible for a really smart outgoing 12 year old girl. She is the one who keeps me going and probably the only reason I would ever go out of the house.