“Living Well”

Post Reply New Topic

I am often told this by others in response to my feelings about my past. I was treated poorly by people at school, my family’s friends, those who I have to be around at the job I work at, and people I encounter in my daily existence. I was always in the wrong in their eyes and they crushed my self-esteem to the point I even started feeling like God was punishing me for not “worshipping Him good enough” (I no longer buy into that). I remember some of them telling me I was never going to get a girlfriend or “get laid” and blindly claiming I was actually gay. Yet so many both in the life I live and on here tell me to let go of the past and “live well” because it’s apparently the best form of revenge. But I just can’t do that. I’ve had so many failures in my life and I was never able to prove those who hurt me wrong when the time to do it was at its utmost importance then so how can I actually “live well”? I can’t just pretend none of the incidents I had to go through didn’t happen and I don’t feel like I am a survivor. Yes, I lived but my body is broken.

Living well means putting your problems behind you, making yourself happy and living your life to the fullest.

It's a gradual thing. First you get out of the hostile environment. Then you try some new experiences, and see which ones you like. Then you practice doing those more, until you have some good memories. Then, you repeat those moves until the bad memories fade. At some point, life starts to feel "well," and you can have pity on the petty people who take out their own insecurity on others.
History is full of injustice, and while a few crimes do get punished, that process costs society more than the crime did, on average. Usually, people get away with things, and agonizing over it is just adding to the harm. I try to console myself with the troubles I've caused, even if less deliberately, and have faith that things balance out eventually.
When my brain is stuck in an unhappy loop, it might get jolted out by something like a rollercoaster ride or a beautiful sunset, but what is always available is meditation. Even very badly done, it helps, and sometimes there's a breakthrough.

Having Aspergers can set one apart both developmentally and in life in general. Having unpleasant experiences in the past can also create a detachment. Having both can compound.

One might not be able to "live well" in the commonly understood meaning. However, one can live "better" by managing ones thoughts and reactions. For example, many lessons can be learned through bad experiences such that a future bad experience might be avoided. If one has made mistakes, one can learn to do better.

However, after all that is useful has been extracted from bad experiences, it is best to let go of them. If the memories return one can quickly review them to see if there is anything useful in them that has been overlooked. If not, the review process can be used to dismiss the thoughts as an annoying echo of the past.

If you had exposure to a corrupted view of religion such as Christianity, you might find a source of information that could help you put such distortions in perspective such as (christianpioneer.com).

Many of us have had to pick up the pieces of a less than optimum life and build what we can from the wreckage. It might not fit the ideal many have of "living well" but can actually come to be satisfactory.

One advantage of having been knocked "off track" of the path of a typical life is that one gains a wider perspective. This view often enables an understanding of others from which compassion can flow. Those who have professions such as soldier, cop, emergency room nurse whose daily encounters expose them to much in life that is not perceived by others can likewise result in a detachment.

Too many who, for one reason or another in life, have become detached focus too much on attempting to achieve an "attached" life. Often they fail to work at making a satisfactory life from where they are.

Vincent Van Gogh was "broken" but he left of fantastic legacy of beautiful paintings.
https://www.vangoghmuseum.nl/en/stories ... sanity?v=1

Live badly, if you prefer. That'll show 'em!

You need ppl in real life to step up and help practically. That's what I keep getting from this and other things.

I wouldn't expect either of my kids with ASD of level 1 or level 3 to get on without consistent real support.

Ever

You need the same thing. It's not too little too late. If it was you wouldn't still be wanting to push past your difficulties

If someone is willing to n offers to help don't back out obviously... It'll b uncomfortable as hell as it's change n disorienting...esp with autism.

But do they even try to help?


There is a reason 'it takes a village to raise a child' (properly).

Because we are incomplete ...some ppl need more help some ppl need help in different areas etc. We have doctors scientists teachers volunteers family... Everyone comtributes something nobody can thrive all on their own nor should u be expected to.

We all have to help each other and them acknowledging YOUR difficulties is just the beginning.


If I saw someone I know always hobbling I wouldn't just point and say haha u walk slower than me.

I'd see if I could give them a lift to where they need to go. I'd try ordering an uber for them or making an account for them
Brainstorm with them solutions...
Bus ticket. Check in on them.


Help in applying for medical equipment if needed by at least googling the agencies to contact and calling them with the person etc.


How areu supposed to incorporate advice?

How to plan? How to get past daily hindrances? Who can help? Why aren't they--have u asked? Etc

The only advice I can maybe give, if you feel like you have a strong enough center that would be able to recover if it weren't constantly forced to take in water, is step back in any ways you can without too much of a loss and take that time to yourself - to replenish, recharge, and get some space to do what you want to do.

As far as trying to 'get even' the scale is all wrong. I've had a similarly difficult go of it and when I think of it - there's no school I could have gone to where things would have been different (at best a dice roll, maybe at random 1 out of 10 places would have on some long odds landed me friends who would have both helped protect and cultivate me earlier - took until mid to late high school before that started happening). You're looking at society-wide behaviors, society-wide proclivities, it's really much more like minority persecution than bullying in the normal sense.

The challenge is accepting that the world is what it is, that people are what they are, then looking within and figuring out which parts of what you've wanted out of life can be cultivated in private, on your own selective time, maybe with a few friends, but whatever the case is it's likely not going to be easy in terms of everything else and you need to establish an active reservoir somewhere in your life to replenish/recharge yourself.

If I hadn't helped myself, I'd never have gotten anywhere. I hear stories about people helping people, but then I hear stories about people winning the lottery, too. It's nothing I'd ever expect from others, or wait for. There are more in need than are able to help, let alone willing. Sometimes, by trying to help others, I've also found help myself.

I'm living better than I would have imagined when I was your age. How?

1. I got out of the "Vile Belt" as you call it ( yes, I grew up not far from you) and lived in places where difference was tolerated and even appreciated. I just saved up the money and left without worrying so much about the consequences.

2. My inexperience, social difficulties and naivite meant I made lots of mistakes, some really bad, but at least I was in control of my own life. Eventually I made my way through trial and error.

3. I had an art that I was good at and passionate about. I devoted myself to that rather than obsessing over getting a girlfriend or making friends. But because people respected my talent and effort, the friends and girlfriends came.

4. I'm now a cranky, eccentric, autistic 56-year-old. Money comes and goes, but I'm dedicated to doing what I love, and people--including some beautiful, eccentric, artsy women--respect and are attracted to me for that. I still have plenty of difficulties, but for me, that's "living well".