Indecisiveness

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone else have severe difficulties in decision making?

My therapist was talking with me and was trying to get me to start up the conversation, to figure out what needed to be talked about and all... I sat there for about 10 minutes, then said "well, since I cannot decide what to talk about, maybe we should talk about indecisiveness", lol. He insists that the conversation was my idea and all, but if he'd said no, or told me what we were to talk about, that would have been a lot easier and would have been just as well with me.

I find I have this trouble in other areas, though, too. My preference is to actually be told what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc., rather than figuring anything out on my own because I never know where to start. Even when it comes to things like what to make for dinner, I'm at a loss.

It's like there are way too many answers, if it is posed as a question. There's no right or wrong answer, which makes the decision boundless, and there are too many things to weigh in for me to make up my mind on anything. I usually call others to do so if I'm at a loss.

It's worse if someone else is the one who asks, because I assume if they are asking about something to begin with that they have some sort of an idea of what they want to do before even asking the question.

For instance, if my boyfriend asks if we want to go out for dinner, I NEVER decide where to go. I figure if he's asking, he was probably thinking at some point "you know what? __________ sounds good for dinner tonight. I should see if Liz wants to do that." and he just doesn't word it that way when he asks me. He leaves the question open in order to be polite, I suppose, but I always assume had he not even had an idea of what he wanted to do, then he would not even be asking to begin with.

So I have him just ask me if I want to go to where he wants to go right from the start.

I'm horrible at making decisions on my own. I get to analyzing too much, and know that generally if someone asks something, they already have an answer in their own mind... at least, that is what I've found.

Does anyone else run into this? Has anyone gotten any better at decision making?

Yes, I think too much about it and then I can't find a clear-cut answer because of all the things I've taken into consideration! That goes for everything - little things like ordering off a menu or choosing clothes for the day, all the way up to the big life considerations (I'm looking into a second degree and just have so many options).
I've actually had people get angry with me because I couldn't say what I wanted them to pick me up for a quick snack.

Sometimes if I do have an answer, I am shy of giving it, in case it's not what the asker wants to hear or in case it opens up difficulties. Or I can eventually decide what I should do, but I have a hard time doing it because I keep considering the other option.

This doesn't make life easy on tests... choosing which of two essay questions to answer, based on which one I think I can get more marks for... choosing between two "good" answers on a multiple-choice question... aaarrgh.

lol, yes! I have the same trouble with multiple choice answers on tests. I mean, they always have these little trick answers and 2 of the 3 were talked about in detail in one way or another... but there is always the better answer. I generally go for the one that was more focused on, but it is not always the one that is correct -_- or the wording might be a tiny bit off like, saying "sometimes" instead of "always", and I get confused easily on those...

I make people angry with me all the time when it comes to making decisions, lol. My boyfriend is trying to get me to start making more decisions, and my therapist seems to be doing the same... but both of them will let me sit there forever before they will just decide for me, lol.

I also won't answer something if I think it might put someone else out. I try to be VERY considerate of others in regards to them doing things for me and whatnot. I will run circles around myself, go through a very flustered routine day after day, rather than just telling someone that the time that they chose isn't working out well for me.... all because they were the ones who chose it. How the heck do we get around this?

The very same thing happens to me. It makes ordering food a mess, it takes me five minutes just to think up of something, even after I got over my shyness from the cashier, but that is only if the usual foods I eat are not on the list.

If a friend asks for a song to play while we are in a car, I wouldn't be able to think of one; the list just goes on. I'll usually respond with a band or a song that I'm narrowly interested into.

Sometimes, I may walk back and fourth between two decisions, such as being stuck between which chore to do next. "There is no 'bad' answer, which one should be done next?," I think while pacing between the two possible choices. I may be stuck for minutes over-analizing the possible decisions and outcomes before one of my parents step in and choose for me, in which I immediately follow the choice given.

I can't decide!

Sometimes I feel like I couldn't make a decision to save my life.. Even people online will get on to me about never making decisions about anything.

More people would post in agreement, but they probably are having a hard time deciding

I am having this problem. I have a hard time making progress in life because of it.

Yes, fear of another's reaction-or "second-guessing" and doubt-complicate & add anxiety on top of (and, therefore, worsen) my difficulty in making (or sticking with, or expressing) a decision.

Yes & no-and I don't mean that to be funny. In some areas, it's massive chronic problem-in other areas, my feelings are decidedly "one-sided" (unable to be satisfied with compromise).

In this kind of scenario, I've come up with my own "how am I doing" sheet that I xerox & fill in before my weekly counseling visit. Can't measure self according to others' parameters, my lifestyle is rather idiosyncratic-so I made list of what's "normal" for me: aspects that are important in relation to my functioning/mood, are always present, and vary (in how good or bad they are going) over time. Variables such as: sleep, body, mind, friends, money, food/drink, organizing or tidying up, etc.-whatever makes sense for particular individual to outline.

It provides starting point for conversation-since I can't usually recall the whole past week while at my appt. it's a handy summary of noteworthy/relevant situations & concerns. Also, since it's structured tool (on simplistic level) that I created, if it's outdated, it can easily be altered/modified. I'm no clinician, but the things they score a person on don't really get at what matters in my life (for instance, my "baseline" sleeping hours are during daytime-which could be misinterpreted as a symptom/problem-yet it's a constant for me & I don't mind), so having overview crafted exclusively for (and by) the specific individual works pretty well for me. Took a while to make it in the first place, though-to decide what to include & how to phrase it-indecisiveness lurks in every (it seems) task !

lol, yes, I know what you mean. I have often thought of making up a similar list or keeping a small journal to take with me each time.

I notice through the week, I'll randomly think of things all of the time that I wonder if I should present to my therapist or not. Then, if I decide to, it was only a fleeting thought anyway and holds little importance by the time of my appointment.

That, I think is the most frustrating thing right there... I will make a huge deal out of something, or be able to talk about it in depth one week, and could care less the next week about it, lol. I just happened to be analyzing it when it initially came up, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's bothering me a lot or needs to be worked out. I just like to analyze things to death, lol.

I think that confuses my therapist, and I've tried to explain that it really doesn't matter what I say one week, because half the time I'm talking, I'm just trying to figure out something for myself, and I don't even know if it's important or not... it just happens to be what I'm thinking about at the moment, lol.

So normally I go in there, and he picks up where we left off... usually leaving the option for 2 different things we were discussing, and I just shrug and go with whatever. I don't even know if it accomplishes anything at all, lol, as to me it just feels like I'm going in somewhere to have an intellectual/in depth conversation with someone, and for him, well, I think he's thinking these things are a ton more important than they seem to me, lol.

There are always a million things that seem somewhat important when I get there, but I forget them as soon as I get into the room, or am just unsure as to whether or not they really need to be discussed. I have no sense of how much something is bothering me, and the only way I know is if it is something I work on trying to figure out on and off for more than 2 weeks... then I know it must be important somehow because it keeps coming back up. If it wasn't for that, I don't think I'd ever know whether or not anything bothered me, lol.

Yes I am undecisive with many things. Something that is true now may not be later on. If we are talking about feelings or thoughts...those change. Matters of opinion change. My perceptions on my autism and personal reflecting, depend on my mood and how much I feel aware at the time.

As far as making decisions, I have too many examples of being undecisive that it would overwhelm me to post.

Mostly yes, I have trouble deciding.

I'm terribly indecisive, in a lot of different situations.
It happens a lot when I'm shopping in stores -- I have a hard time deciding whether or not I should buy certain items.
Also, when I'm at home and I'm considering going out, I have a hard time deciding whether or not I should even go somewhere or if I should just stay home. It's like that song that goes, "Should I stay or should I go?"

I'm usually alright until you hand me a menu.

I don't know if my problem is related to being indecisive. In public or on the job, I appear to be very decisive, although my mind and gut are screaming at me.

However, I am the KING of procastinators. Example: When I retired in January, I was asked to take over the training of new employees in student management. I need to complete a (max) 2 page outline of the class (lesson plan.) Simple, eh? I've about half a page, which covers the first 15 minutes of a 2 hour class. Sheese! Should you want more examples, I could email you a 50 page on just what is pending NOW!

Pops