What's the secret about lunch at work?

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Maybe the NTs in this forum can help with this mystery. How on Earth does one get company to go for lunch? I'm the only one at work who never has company to go for lunch, the only whako eating always alone.

No idea!

I just go into town and wander the shops while I eat. I'm lucky my office is on the main street. I sometimes arrange to have lunch with other friends who work nearby, which is nice. I don't really socialise with my workmates though, it's a bit awkward as I'm quite a bit younger than most of them.

find someone you get along with (or several) and say "hey, I'm going to (Restraunt X...whatever), you wanna come?"...

I'm so poor I eat in the break room, so it's not an issue...

I'm a very social being, so it's pretty easy for me to just go up to folks at work and go, "Where you goin' for lunch?" I work at a TV station, and all the employees know each other pretty well. We're a public access channel, so it's not all huge and corporate. That makes it easier I guess.

Look if there's somebody at your work place who is also alone during the lunch break. Possibly, he/she will also be glad to find someone to have lunch with. Try looking for the new people. When someone starts in a new job, he/she usually needs some time to fit in, then is the moment to introduce yourself and try to befriend him/her. I did that. I was lucky and found someone. It took me a while though.

You don't have to socialize with them; you have a perfect excuse not to; but if you're friendly with one usually onbe of you asks the other if you want to keep talking and go for lunch or something like that.

No idea. I used to want to avoid lunching with them and just go to the library or go and buy some little extra for my camera or something.

I always lunch alone, I even enjoy it.
What gets to me is that there seems to be a non-spoken obligation to go in packs - some people just seem to have to always go in their usual little groups; that disgusts me.

I'm a very social being, so it's pretty easy for me to just go up to folks at work and go, "Where you goin' for lunch?"

I've done that a lot with my colleagues, but they go out of their way to discourage me from joining, so I don't do it anymore. Everyone has their regular lunch companions, and it's kind of meddling to ask to join in. You're either in their lunching group or not.

Before, I used to work in places where there always was one open, big, default group where anyone was welcome, so I'd lunch with them.

I don't mind eating alone, because I'm sadly used to always being alone, but it's dangerous in regard to keeping my job.

Yes, I found that, they like you to be a sheep too.

They want you to be a sheep yet they actively discourage you from joining? That's daft- seems like you're 'damned if you do- damned if you don't'

How do you know they are actively discouraging you from joining? Do they say it out straight? Is it possible you misinterpreted their signals?

How come your job depends on eating with these guys at lunch? They shouldn't be able to fire you for that! Loads of people choose to eat alone! (I usually do)

I'm not saying this is the solution, but what about just tagging along with them regardless? It's a free world- you can eat where you like (and if they try and lose you along the way or something, then they're being pretty immature)

Actually, in my past job I was directly accused and blamed for not going out to lunch with the pack.

The thing is, I was being mobbed because I happened to be the odd one out with a degree and fluent English - some. . . prostitue. . . basically. . . in human resources saw this and hated the fact that her inept nephew had to "compete" with me for advancement opportunities (a confident guy who had his face covered in tears and snot when it turned out he still had to pass the psychological exam). As I was both ridiculed and demonized, ignored and harassed, bullied and feared. . . I obviously stayed away from this group as much as I could.
Eventually. . . some twitchy guy. . . in charge of us - most likely, the living proof that mental retardation and Asperger's syndrome can coexist in one person - spoke to me about the situation; he basically forced me to agree to tag along with the idiots for lunch. As one of them had been sent to eavesdrop our conversation - only the twitchy guy was oblivious to all this - they didn't show much resistance/hostility when I began tagging along for the next few days; in fact, the version of the facts I gave him was contrived (mostly in form) to inform the eavesdropper that, while I was being as noble as to not point fingers, if they did not comply with coming to a truce of sorts there would be problems even beyond my influence and that a way out of the situation could be to comply with my version that it had been a certain (yet un-named) member of the pack the one responsible for all the harassment. I'm sure the ensuing confusion played a big part in buying me a few months off the harassment - or at least not being yelled at "AIDS ridden bastard" while at the same time being accused of "not being a teamplayer".
Anyway. . . what followed was a ridiculous situation of me silently tagging along with the group - with some of them occassionally trying to lose me along the way. They must have been having a lot of fun with me because they were all offended when I suddenly changed to a real job in a much better company.

. . .so that proves that, in certain circumstances, not going out to lunch with the pack can be a problem. In fact, a similar thing has been already been brought to my attention in the current workplace although not nearly as crazy.

If only people just shut up and did the goddam work. . .

I prefer to eat alone. Even when my office mate and I go to break together, we'll each bring our own book and just read across the table from each other. However, there is one thing we do in my office, and it may be something you can do as well. We've made a standing arrangement for all of the ladies in the Quality department to have lunch together on the Thursday after payday (every two weeks.) It gives us a chance to get together and bounce any problems we're having with the engineers off of each other, and the others do most of the daily life small talk.

Patricia

I eat in my car. I go to the same place, every day, buy the same food, and sit in my car in my job's parking lot and eat it, listen to the radio, play my flute...

I find it throws off my whole day when I can't follow my little lunch pattern.

A couple of times people have come out to my car with problems (I'm a system administrator) and I can't tell you the sudden burst of RAGE I feel at having my solitude disturbed...

It's odd. On the one hand, people let you know indirectly that they don't want to spend lunch time with you. On the other hand they or someone else will take offense because you're not going to lunch with anyone else, as though you're snubbing everyone.

I wonder if the offense is real or if it's all just an excuse to squeeze out someone they don't "get"?

I'd say the later. . .
I've heard of such thing as group narcissism being big but these things are just waaaay too irrational.