Sameness and Routine thoughts

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Though I still have some doubts about my dx, (On the other hand, I know it takes me awhile to get comfortable in any new location and some situations), I have a thought about the whole concept of sameness and routines. I think that if I don't like change that is not so much that I don't like change for the sake of change as I have trouble accepting change that is worse than previous conditions. Like if I had a boss who was nice, personable, caring, and could just motivate and connect to people the right way, I would have trouble if that boss were replaced by a jerk who did not know which end was up. (That has actually happened to me by the way.) Or if I were given breaks, but they were no more than 30 minutes off from my scheduled time, I would have more difficulty (than if it started that way) if it were changed to being off no less than 20 upto nearly 2 hours. I suppose it is the inability to accept the illogical, lack of improvement, and negative aspects of a change for the worse, as for different if I do it (though I am not certain, it is as though I have a problem with self awareness and am unable to describe myself or things about me unless I have some worthwhile acheivement then I concentrate on that), it would be like "if the old one works why change it then", though I have been known to occassionally do things different for the sake of doing them different, but I don't think is so much with daily activities more like with tasks, excersises in creativity, events, jobs, or thoughts.

Does that go for anyone else?

I'm more of a "ritual" type person. Since graduating high school, I really haven't had anything happening in my life for me to develop a routine. All the jobs I've had so far consisted of me doing different things each day.

My day won't be ruined if say, I watch a show at 4pm, and one day I can't do it, or I can't eat something I'm use to eating on a certain day. However, there have been ocassions at work where some long standing "traditions" releating to my work were changed with out warning, which caused me a great deal of distress where I was forced into something new when I was so use to doing what I normally do.

When it comes to doing certain things, especially leaving the house to go somewhere, and going to bed, I have rituals I need to follow, or else if I don't, I just don't feel right.

Traditions are important to me. I have a hard time with change once something has been relegated to a "tradition" in my mind. For example, we have ALWAYS done the exact same thing for YEARS on Christams Eve and Christmas Day. ALWAYS.
This year we changed our usual routine. I was stressing about it for the whole week and a half before Christmas since the day I - yes I - made those "extra-ordinary" plans. We went somewhere new for lunch on Christmas Eve because our oldest daughter now has her own apartment and wanted everyone to come there. We went to church at a different time than we have always gone, because our youngest daughter was singing with the choir at a different time. We had to drop a few traditional things from our usual routine to accomadate those changes. Maybe it sounds like no big deal, but it was a big deal to me at the time! However, I am happy to report, I survived and Christmas came anyway.

Me too, all of the above. It actually physically hurts when my routine is disrupted.

I have a mild case of Asperger's although, it seems to be a bit more than that at times.

It is nice to know that in my essential aloneness, there are others there as well.

Thinker

I had always heard that routines are good for us, and only recently have I started some of my own. I work pretty well with routines.

I wrote my own PHP/MySQL based chart/plan software so I can keep up to pace with my independent study courses as well as get my exercise in.

But the biggest thing for me is having places that are routine. A month or two ago, I started to commute every day to Hanover, a small nearby town which has Dartmouth College and their great library, a lot of great shops/restaurants, and, coolest of all, my work (CRREL). I can get there by bus.

Since starting the routine of going there, I don't know how I ever did without. I really can't do any schoolwork now if I'm not in Baker Library, it feels wrong and I get distracted. Conversely, if I'm in Baker Library, I'd feel equally wrong doing anything but schoolwork. And so, all I need do to make sure I get my work done is go to the library for a number of hours, and the rest follows.

But there some things that throw me off my routine every time. One is my tendancy to want to have a perfect, work-filled, rewarding week in which I get every single thing on my chart done. Now, things will come up. Like I'll get sick. Or the weather will be too bad. Or -- and this is often the case -- I won't get any sleep the night before (because I'll be thinking about all the cool, routine stuff I'll be doing the next day, lol). My sleep cycle sucks. In any case, it ends up ruining my week. I tend to unitize/compartmentalize my time by the week, so it feels kinda crappy if I don't have a full week.

Yesterday, I worked for a while at CRREL, then I went to Baker Library, but no matter what I did, I couldn't concentrate. I felt miserable. I felt like I wanted to cry. I felt like I did last year when I had to go to regular school. So I figured I should take a break, have some lunch, try to read a funny website or something. I went to Thayer Dining Hall -- ready to order my usual from this one sandwich place there, only to be met by this big oafish guy who waddled out and said merely "Uhhh. Closed." So I went to this other place and had a really crappy, nasty sandwich. And by that time, the snow storm outside was raging and I couldn't feel worse. I managed to get a ride home, and I managed nothing productive. Nothing was going according to routine.

But by the end of the night, I decided that the next day would be better. I'd get up, go to Hanover, order pancakes at a local restaurant (my Friday morning routine), work all day on schoolwork, and reward myself by seeing a movie when the day was over. It didn't go according to routine, but not only did I have pancakes, I got a lot of work done.

Sometimes what's hard in my routine is parts of my independent study that are stuck in between "lessons" that take a few days to do, but have no easy way to divide up or gauge my progress through. I'm used to stuff like that all the time in regular school, and I did pretty well academically until I broke down, but now, a lot is riding on my routines, because there's no external source of discipline/structure.

Do any of you guys have trouble with lack of sleep interfering with routines? That's the biggie now for me.

Some things I like to do the same:

Holidays ~ If I had my way I would always go to the same place each year. Annually I have an argument with my wife over this as she likes to go to different places.

Home routines ~ I have small routines I go through before I do things like settle down to eat ~ things have to be a certain way. For example if I go to the cutlery drawer to get a knife and it is untidy I have to tidy it first (I like all the steel knives, forks and spoons all facing the same way and in their place ~ knives with coloured handles I like to keep seperate from the rest).

Shopping ~ I like to go the same way around the same supermarket each time I shop. I hate it when they move the aisles around.

Internet ~ I always check my outlook express first, then my hotmail, then Livejournal and finally Wrongplanet. I do this religiously before doing anything else on the computer.

These are routines ~ I wouldn't say they are obsessive like OCD but they do help to keep me functioning efficiently.

The thing I have noticed is that the more stress I am under the more I need these routines.

If I am very stressed I can panic when they are disturbed.

I, also, do not have a problem with change, per se. I have a problem with change that does not make any sense or is otherwise a negative change. There seems to be a whole lot of "change" out there, especially in the workplace, that happens for no good reason. Changes that no one is willing to explain the reason for. Those are the type I hate.

Me too, Tekneek. I could cope in the workplace until management started changing all the rules, and shifts were introduced on a mandatory basis. This caused a lot of stress and resentment, before I had as much as I could take and went on sick leave. And yes, this completely screwed up my sleep patterns, which often happens if I am stressed.

I just need things to be stable, in general. Consistency is the key. I have a difficult time adjusting to changes that are a bit more major (atleast to me). For example, I always get stressed or disconcerted before visiting home or coming back to school after a break, and can never sleep the night before and afterwards. Beginning new semesters is especially difficult for me. And the move from high school to college... that was pretty bad. I felt like a total invalid, I was such a mess.

I also need things to remain in the same places- I get quite disoriented if things get moved around. Because of this, my room stays the same for as long as I can keep it that way. I also have a hard time making decisions because once I decide something, it is permanent in my mind (even something so simple as an avatar- notice I haven't changed mine at all since I've joined). I also like to keep my old things, and if I can't keep them (like worn out sneakers) I tend to buy something new that is as similar to the old thing as possible.

I think I have that trait regarding shopping. I get annoyed, for example, if I go to a chain store in one location then later go to one in a different location and the layout is different. I often feel more lost in this type of situation than I a store I had never been to before.

I am not sure how to explain the basic sense I have regarding routines and change, aside from the general if it is not better, [explained, or for good reason (like Tekneek mentioned, I had not thought of these when I wrote about this the first time). I can name examples of types of new things or changes that do not bother me and some that do (although sometimes even in some of these instances when they occur too fast, frequently or too slow and rarely, I can be disturbed):

+ (don't)
A new more fuel efficient vehicle is produced
gifts (unless it is something that so unthoughtful because it is something I have no interest or use with)
Political changes for better
new movies, games, ideas, or books
scientific development
updates on historical facts (provided it is not too much, overwhelming, and not overly paced)
new music or music styles
news
self improvement
upgrades in career/employment standing to something better and more enjoyable
upgrade in housing
developement of female companionship

- (do)
Adding or making new laws swelling the books and leaving old obsolete laws in place (its ineffecient)
the some 70% of all movies that copy, remake, remake for the 3rd+ time, or remake less than fifteen years after the original, bad remake that does not even adhere to the spirit of the original, ideas (tech, story, inventions, or science theories) that claimed as new when in fact they are decades or even millinium old (automaton or robots are at least 2000 years old, computers are in fact about 2300 years old, modern surgical equipment are 1500+ years old, printing was first done about 700 AD (about 700 years before Guttenburg (but he did make his out of metal), electric cars have been around for over a century, some older tech is better then even new tech, like cold weather gear from the Vikings are better than todays best, simple androids are at least 400 years old, rockets are older than those developed by China, etc (all this kind of makes me wonder how sophisticated we really are, if we are, why did we not run these ideas whent there were first conceived or the item first created?)
nearly microscopic dirt on dishes
changes in foods or food availablity (For example, when Breakfast bars changed from a solid peanuty filling to that fluffy ricey stuff, I stopped buying and hoped they still made or would bring back the old formula, I still pine over this as I used to eat it alot and nothing to date has ever come close enough to its taste, appetizing, and nutrition to be acceptable (though a couple were passable, I have yet to find a true replacement).
loss of or damage to personal possessions, files, documents, or creations.
any health problem of a permanent or sustained nature, not used to anything like that happening and even when it has it was overcome, don't the idea of anything getting worse, especially when I feel I have yet to even reach the surface of the water let alone walk on land, goal of life status wise.

Perhaps it is in the nature of controlled change, something I have influence over to effect one way or another or things that don't effect me, at least negatively directly. Perhaps in the nature of many dailey or life activities, it takes a conscious effect of practice and habit formation to be able to do regularly or effectively, and changes in this type of range means having more homework, or like learning a new musical instrument rehearsing or practicing a new system, routine, or whatever. But I don't know for sure that I do everything or even a lot of things that way, since I don't really notice, see it, or pay attention to that, but I know there a few things that way, trying (unless erratic moments occur and/or I manage to adhere to a proper sleep schedule (true for the one previous and all following) so that I would average 8 hours a day, if I don't have a function like a job or classes, my dailey and sleep schedule are harder to keep.) to get the average 8 hours in a day, 3 meals a day, brush teeth after every meal, drink about 48 oz of water or something equivalent a day, watch cartoons at 11pm (about the only thing that is on regulary, they change too many other shows to so many different days and times I cannot keep up, though I watch other shows on the occasions I catch one I like while surfing), have general memory of the place of all foods in the pantry and refrigerator, silverware always in the same drawer, and so on. I suppose some of my patterns are like that, mildly flexible, as long as I average out at around the average I am fine. I may not need to eat 3 meals a day if I am not overly active or I eat more at each, but I do frequently get headaches if I do not eat 3 meals a day at around the same time everyday, but it is manageable if I only do that occassionally and average out the at least 3 a day.

Huh. I have noticed that whenever somebody proposes a new idea to me (e.g., "Wanna rent a movie?" when I had not planned to spend the evening watching a movie), my first (internal) reaction is always No. Solely because that is not what I had planned to do, and if I do this new thing, I won't be able to do what I planned to do. Now objectively, it is possible that the new thing is actually better than what I had planned to do. But this is not the kind of assessment I am capable of making while having this knee-jerk reaction, so I came up with a rule for when my dh suggests an activity: Just say yes. He still gets upset because he can tell from my manner that I don't mean it (he calls me a "negaholic", but pot, kettle, black), but at least I'm not constantly vetoing him.

Many of these things apply to me. I have a question though. How on Earth have robots and androids been around for more than 2000 years, if back then they didn't have electricity, silicon chips, circuit boards, etc? Did King Herid send robots to kill baby Jesus?