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joseph1979
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06 Nov 2011, 4:37 pm

I have always had troubles with social ques , talking over people on the phone, and interrupting people . But the one that always upsets me the most is when i try to join in a group conversation and try and start a sentence over and over again and it seems like no one hears me and i am invisible ... does this happen to any of you ?


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btbnnyr
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06 Nov 2011, 4:43 pm

This seems to be the norm for people on the spectrum. We are probably not sending the standard "listen to me talk" signals.



hanyo
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06 Nov 2011, 4:45 pm

joseph1979 wrote:
But the one that always upsets me the most is when i try to join in a group conversation and try and start a sentence over and over again and it seems like no one hears me and i am invisible ... does this happen to any of you ?


That happens to me too. It's like they don't even hear you starting to say something and talk right over you.



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06 Nov 2011, 5:01 pm

There's also the "how dare you say anything" reaction, like you're not allowed to interject or you did something inappropriate. Or there's some touch, signal, or look that tells you it's not time for you to talk, like you're a child or lesser being.

The fourth grade teacher once told my mother that she wished I'd join in discussions because I "have so much to give." Yeah, right.

Luckily I've been among people who value what I have to say and ask for my participation. They're far and few.


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Kalika
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06 Nov 2011, 5:10 pm

I used to get this at family gatherings, particularly when I was at that awkward age where I was too old to be considered one of the kids, but young enough that I wasn't really thought of as an "adult".



safffron
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06 Nov 2011, 5:17 pm

Kalika wrote:
I used to get this at family gatherings, particularly when I was at that awkward age where I was too old to be considered one of the kids, but young enough that I wasn't really thought of as an "adult".


Does it happen to you in adulthood?


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YellowBanana
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06 Nov 2011, 5:50 pm

joseph1979 wrote:
I have always had troubles with social ques , talking over people on the phone, and interrupting people . But the one that always upsets me the most is when i try to join in a group conversation and try and start a sentence over and over again and it seems like no one hears me and i am invisible ... does this happen to any of you ?



Happens to me all the time and is frustrating as hell as I'm generally very quiet so if I'm actually making the effort to speak - especially in a group situation - it's because I *really* think I have something useful or interesting and relevant to add to the conversation.


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Lizerina
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06 Nov 2011, 5:57 pm

That happens to me a lot, too. It's really frustrating and I usually just give up after a while and don't speak at all. I also often have a hard time saying what I'm trying to say. Like I'll say one thing but it's not what I actually meant so say and I'll get really frustrated trying to say it differently or what I really mean. I much prefer being in a group of two to three other people. Although, one on one is my favorite. Any more than four people and I'm lost in the background, kinda forgotten.



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06 Nov 2011, 6:02 pm

This happens to me too, and I've never understood why. I'm nervous/hesitant to do any of the things that might solve it (talking louder, standing even more obviously in the group, etc) in case they make me seem even more inappropriate.



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06 Nov 2011, 6:17 pm

joseph1979 wrote:
. . . But the one that always upsets me the most is when i try to join in a group conversation and try and start a sentence over and over again and it seems like no one hears me and i am invisible . . .

Please realize that this is the Oskar Schindler level of skill. It's like a business entrepreneur working a cocktail party. Yes, even with a good level of skill, sometimes the person's able to pull it off and sometimes he or she isn't. And I think one facet of it is undertrying.



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06 Nov 2011, 6:45 pm

People ask me why I'm so quite. This is exactly why.


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06 Nov 2011, 6:54 pm

This happens to me a lot. I'll say something and than people talk over me. Either they do that, or they change the subject and I'm not even talking about my special interests when I'm doing that. It makes me feel like crap when that happens and I have to rehearse what I'm going to say 5 times in my head before I say it. If feels as though I've wasted my time.


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Tamsin
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06 Nov 2011, 8:29 pm

This happens to me pretty much every time I'm in a group. While I can understand why (I generally tend to talk while other people are talking) it's very frustrating. Usually after awhile I just stop talking altogether. Yet another reason I avoid groups of people.



Kalika
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06 Nov 2011, 9:37 pm

safffron wrote:
Kalika wrote:
I used to get this at family gatherings, particularly when I was at that awkward age where I was too old to be considered one of the kids, but young enough that I wasn't really thought of as an "adult".


Does it happen to you in adulthood?


It's gotten better, but sometimes I still feel like I have to make an extra effort to make sure people are aware that I've said something/am trying to participate in the conversation.



NZaspiegirl016
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06 Nov 2011, 11:00 pm

This happens to me quite a lot. I also get the "I wasn't talking to you. Stop eavesdropping" from one girl in particular, when I'm not too far from her and can hear everything she's saying without actually listening, I hear her saying stuff about me, then I'd say something back about it. Then she says what was indicated above.


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