The "politeness will get you a long way" lie

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This has been a scenario on public intercity buses more than a couple times: as the journey progresses, I start feeling more and more trapped, lacking air, suffocating, barely able to sit in my own seat, shoved to one side. That is until I raise one foot and place it on my thigh so that the sole faces the person sitting next to me - when they come a millimeter closer, their thigh is covered in lime. In a split second, I get back all the room my comfortable seat has to offer, plus all the fresh air I need.

All the polite requests and the gentle hints (by stirring lightly) that they were smearing themselves on my seat and my body did NOTHING for them to stop.

I've walked into a local coffee house that caters to the mainstream population, yesterday afternoon just to see if they were hiring. Some loser that I went to school with, for a year, in Grade 1 called me by a very old nickname that I called myself, back than. I was standing in line, for three minutes and decided that I would come back, later. That same guy said, "Little ret*d!" in that same high-pitched voice, that he called me the ancient nickname. I've walked back in there, and said in an assertive way, "If any of you have anything insulting to say, about my intelligence, I want you to say it, to my face!"

Wow. That person is seriously disturbed... I'm sorry you had to be in the same space as them. I'll bet that they only have mean friends, and they spend a lot of time making other people feel bad.

Want to know a way to get back at them? Next time you see them, just look at them like you feel really, really sorry for them. Shake your head. And walk away... It will drive the a**hole nuts.

Politeness will in fact get you a long way in most situations. Feeling like a sardine in a can on intercity buses is one of those situations in which you assume everyone is at least as polite as you are while you are trying to be polite. Since bus-people usually don't converse or even make eye-contact ... not really a socially inviting situation.

Rudeness will get you much farther than politeness, but in the wrong direction. Much easier to make someone dislike you than to have them think you're a swell guy.

When I was a lad, I had to instensively be taught the art of social graces. For an Aspie kid, it was a very ardurous program indeed. Damn, what was the quaint saying about honey and vinegar? Damn ...

Isn't lime what you use to speed up the decomposition process in biological matter? Like, say, if you were trying to get rid of a body...

I thought they mixed lime with lager...

Seriously though, everybody operates on a "carrot and stick" basis. With some people you have to use the carrot (e.g. politeness), with others the stick (e.g. act threatening). Knowing when to use which is difficult, even for NTs.

Cockneyrebel, you done good. Assertive, not violent, and calling him on something in front of others means he'll think twice about doing it again. I'm proud of you.

Once, some of the teen grocery baggers were insulting each other, jovially calling each other 'ret*d'. I kept quiet till I got alone with one of them putting groceries in my car when I said gently, "I don't mind you calling each other names, but I wish you would pick a name that doesn't sound like you are insulting my ret*d daughter." The poor guy nearly fell down apologizing. And I never heard it happen in the store again.

But ... but you referred to your own daugter using the word you objected to.

Doesn't that make you complicit?

'ret*d' and 'ret*d' are not the same word, and 'ret*d' used as an insult is not the same as 'ret*d' used as an adjective. (Some people find any use of the word offensive, other people find any use of the word as an insult offensive.)

in my experience, politeness has always worked well for me. :D