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Greentea
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03 May 2008, 12:22 pm

I've been fired or pushed to leave from almost every job I ever had, and always for political blunders. In my present job, which I was extremely lucky to get at my age, after long unemployment, I did absolutely everything in my power to have good relations with the people, trying desperately to understand the social politics of the place and not blunder, and if possible be a bit liked or at least tolerated. I did commit severe political blunders, though, and all my 5 colleagues never liked me - from day 1 I was the outcast. I take a kind of Prozac that makes me panic less at being the outcast and allows me to continue working in spite of all the hostility against me and the isolation from my colleagues. After a couple months on the job, one colleague spoke in the name of all of them and told me I had transgressed some unspoken social norms and rules and been declared "unpleasant to be around". I almost always eat lunch alone, therefore.

Last week, out of the blue, my colleagues started SUDDENLY being extremely nice to me and seeking me a lot. It's so weird. And with my social blindness, of course I don't have a clue why. It doesn't make me happy. If anything at all, it makes me suspicious, and like something's going on that I'm blind to.


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LabPet
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03 May 2008, 1:29 pm

I would be confused too...and leery. The progression as you've stated just doesn't seem logical at all. Is there a trusted (?) co-worker you can ask?


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03 May 2008, 1:38 pm

They probably think its their fault for your isolation and trying to make the environment nicer for you so you will start to mingle.



Greentea
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03 May 2008, 1:43 pm

No, there's nobody I trust enough to ask them there. I've taken it as just one more stride. Sometimes they're unexplainably unnice to me, now they're unexplainably nice... Maybe it's all influenced by the politics between THEM, and who's the major influence at a given time among them, whether this person likes me or not...


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Mw99
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03 May 2008, 1:44 pm

Greentea wrote:
I take a kind of Prozac that makes me panic less at being the outcast and allows me to continue working in spite of all the hostility against me and the isolation from my colleagues.


Sounds like the type of drug I need.

Quote:
Last week, out of the blue, my colleagues started SUDDENLY being extremely nice to me and seeking me a lot. It's so weird. And with my social blindness, of course I don't have a clue why. It doesn't make me happy. If anything at all, it makes me suspicious, and like something's going on that I'm blind to.


Their behavior is indeed suspicious. Perhaps they heard a rumor you were going to get fired, and are being nice to you in a sarcastic manner. I hope that's not the case.



2ukenkerl
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03 May 2008, 1:47 pm

Yeah, I mentioned here before that I have this band of comfort. If people treat me too bad OR TOO GOOD, I figure it is time to WATCHOUT!



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03 May 2008, 3:01 pm

Greentea wrote:
No, there's nobody I trust enough to ask them there. I've taken it as just one more stride. Sometimes they're unexplainably unnice to me, now they're unexplainably nice... Maybe it's all influenced by the politics between THEM, and who's the major influence at a given time among them, whether this person likes me or not...


hi greentea, i can totally relate to your history of workplace experiences. at best i hope to be tolerated and that people will be mature enough not to make trouble for me. i like your above description - i think it is most likely reasoning. well, you can only continue to be yourself and maybe your colleagues will fall in line and 'get' you just a little better in time. not all work cultures are the same though - a good boss should set a good work culture.



krex
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03 May 2008, 7:02 pm

I can concieve f two possibilities, (there are probably more but that's all I can think of ).

One is that some one said something to defend you...like,"hey, maybe she is autistic" and they feel guilty being rude. People have this weird thing were they can abuse anyone but a select group...maybe a race or older person or disabled....some how that actually makes them feel guilty. There is a guy I work with that everyone was picking on and I tired to get them to be more empathetic by explaining"logically" why he did things th way he did and pointing out some of his good points...Some how, they just seemed to lack the "theory of mind" to figure it out for themselves :wink:


The other reason people start acting nice to me in the past is when...they want something from me or they want to try and gain my confidence so that I will "open up" and say something that they can use against me to either mock me or try and get me fired. Even knowing this, I used to fall for it.

Hope it is the first situation and not the latter.


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2ukenkerl
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03 May 2008, 7:32 pm

krex wrote:
I can concieve f two possibilities, (there are probably more but that's all I can think of ).

One is that some one said something to defend you...like,"hey, maybe she is autistic" and they feel guilty being rude. People have this weird thing were they can abuse anyone but a select group...maybe a race or older person or disabled....some how that actually makes them feel guilty. There is a guy I work with that everyone was picking on and I tired to get them to be more empathetic by explaining"logically" why he did things th way he did and pointing out some of his good points...Some how, they just seemed to lack the "theory of mind" to figure it out for themselves :wink:


The other reason people start acting nice to me in the past is when...they want something from me or they want to try and gain my confidence so that I will "open up" and say something that they can use against me to either mock me or try and get me fired. Even knowing this, I used to fall for it.

Hope it is the first situation and not the latter.


I've gotten to where I can almost GUESS the situation. There are LOTS of possibilities.

1. They finally realized this is just the way you are.
2. MAYBE they realize that you have been RIGHT on many cases.
3. Maybe they were TOLD to be nice.
4. Maybe a law was passed.
5. Maybe you are getting an award or something.
6. Maybe there is a person that befriended you or in a similar group that could fire them or something.
7. Maybe you said something they perceive as a real threat.
8. It may EVEN be a trick to get you to "hang yourself"

In any event, try to keep as you are and be nice, but not overly so or out of your character.



Warsie
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03 May 2008, 7:49 pm

Probably trying to get something out of you, or someone stook up for you and they all backed off as they realized they were being dicks.

Or they realized they were being dicks on their own and tried to stop it.

Be careful...


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