It's official (at least I think): I'm as Aspie.

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I can't believe how much I cried while I was there...I mean, seriously. But I went to my appointment (wanted to cancel sooo many times) and the psychologist is pretty sure I have Asperger's Syndrome based on the things I shared with him. I went in there not outright telling him I knew he was a specialist in it or that I think I have so and so, but I told him something has been off about me and I just want to see if I'm right. He had me go through a list of criteria and then some easier questions. He thinks my obsessions are books and TV shows, haha. I dunno really what to think. I almost feel numb because I am in shock that he knew what was going on. He said we would talk about the food issues in the next session. He also thinks I may have some generalized anxiety (I was diagnosed with GAD when I was 16) and maybe a little depression.

It must be such a relief to find out. Congratulations i guess, and good luck on your next app

That's the thing...am I happy or feel like a congrats is in order, etc.? I am so unsure. I really wish I would feel relief. I don't have that. I feel like people around me will question it, not believe me, think it's silly...and I don't know who to share this WITH. I told my husband right away, but how do you really tell someone about it, like at work (I dunno if I can do that) or family. My mother especially is clearly in denial that I would be any less than perfect. And what if I just answered the questions all wrong...UGH.

I dont think the doctor got your diagnosis wrong. People dont just throw these around i think. You answered honestly, there is no wrong answer when it comes to this. In regards to telling people, i cant really help. Ive already discussed these things with my family, and they are all fine with it. I doubt id tell people at my work/school if i didnt have to though. You never know how people will react.

I guess its hard to be relieved, cause its also a bit sad. I mean, it cant be changed or anything. BUT, atleast you now know that there is a reason for everything that has happened. When people have told you that you are lazy or whatever, you now know thats not the case. For me atleast, that would feel like a relief. Finally getting to know why i am the way i am. (so different from others that is)

Congrats?

I don't generally pop out a bottle of liquor to celebrate a diagnosis but it would be a great excuse to.

I think one thing I am relieved about is the whole humor thing...I really DON'T get some jokes and people thought I was ditzy or stupid...but it took me forever to "get it." And some other things feel good to know--I just wish that I could have come back and say that I don't have it at all. When I was answering, I told the psychologist that sometimes I am OK in this or that area, but he would point out a previous answer or make another example, etc.

I understand that you feel both relieved and a bit sad (or whatever it is you are feeling). But i think you just have to take it as it is. Just remember, you are still the one you were before. As is just a label, it doesnt change who you are.

Yeah I don't like those questions that ask if you are okay in an area because often times you think that you are decent at least and then it turns out you reallt aren't.

Beckula I wonder if he or she asked you about your childhood during this session? What symthoms you had bacn then?

Yes, that was one of the main things (and something that made me cry). When I was a kid, I used to rock a lot and made my own meals since I was 8...I dunno, I guess he wanted to mainly know about social interactions and when I first noticed this stuff. I told him when I was in sixth grade, I really started to notice things or become more aware that I was "different."

That's a lot of how I felt when I was diagnosed about 2 years ago and sometimes I still feel stuck there. I've told me immediate family and it didn't go over well. I have one friend, thank God for her, and she's the only one who was understanding. She even has traits of AS herself. But sometimes I'm glad I found and sometimes I'm wish I hadn't. Then there are times I like having it and times I hate having it. Like I said, I feel stuck. I would be very careful about who you tell though, from what I've read, heard and just how idiotic the general population and NT world is, most will NOT understand or even try.

So those are the only as symthoms in your childhood? That not enought IMO to asperger diagnosis.

Sorry if I sound rude Im not... Just thinking

When I first went to get a referral to see a specialist...I couldn't stop crying...I think it is a bit of a meltdown when we have to try and communicate something that we are afraid the person will not understand...in my situation, I was correct. MY GP said I couldn't be As because I could communicate(which was odd, as I was crying so hard at the time I was literally nonverbal )

I'm glad you followed through with the appointment...pat yourself on the back for that (or eat something chocolate?)

As far as telling work or family. MY BF didn't/doesn't believe it (but has no interest of knowing more about aspergers then hand flapping, which I don't do...much) my Mom is the same way, no interest...I am just the weird lazy self centered kid she kicked out at 16. It's frustrating because I thought it wold clarify why we had so many problems when I was a kid..nope, not interested. They do know at work but no one really knows what it is other then I forget names and don't look in their eyes, (and like to get on the floor and wrestle the dogs ...pretty weird for a 44 year old).

The important thing is that you know and it helps you except your "quirks" as part of your unique neurology.

It was definitely not all we talked about and don't remember everything I told him, so I didn't post it. I have a terrible memory to begin with. I got stuck when I was talking to him quite a few times.

Honestly, I wouldn't tell anyone except your closest family and friends. Most people are going to A. be weirded out that you're sharing personal medical information with them B. be confused C. not understand what AS means at all and D. judge you for it, most likely. I think our instinct to tell people comes from our desire to get all of our flaws out on the table so that people won't be taken aback, but guess what - all human beings have flaws. I think that for me, telling an acquaintance that I have AS would be like if an acquaintance came up to me and said "Well, just so you know, I can be a real dick when things aren't gong my way. and I tend to be pretty selfish. I also have a habit of telling fairly innocent lies. So, be prepared." Or, "I was sexually abused as a child, so I'm pretty messed up. Watch out." Of course I am not comparing AS to having been sexually abused, but the point is that ALL human beings have baggage, and it's none of anyone else's business, and sharing about it with anyone but close friends and family is often a quick path to major awkwardness.

I know that already....I am so used to keeping medical stuff to myself, like the fact I have fibroyalgia--IRL, I usually never even share it. I have told one close co-worker who thinks she could have something like it too and my mom and husband so far.