Dealing with the past

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For an NT dealing with cruel past memories and years of abuse is necessary. It is the only way to move beyond them and not to be emotionally crippled and bitter.

Is it the same for an aspie? I ask because one of my friends wets the keyboard with her tears every time she writes more about her past.

I know that most aspies have incredible visual memories and those same emotions of fear and desparation surge up inside.

Is it likely that she will be stronger coming to terms with the past? Or is the cost too real?

I think we do need to integrate our past into our view of the present... we might need to do that privately and logically, rather than through a social venue like formal therapy, though. It really depends on who you are... The emotions do have to be dealt with, though, and if every time you think about it, it feels like you're still in that situation, there's a problem--your mind's still stuck in that traumatic situation. I do think that when Aspies deal with mental health problems like this, we often forget that our minds don't work quite like everybody else's, and that we have strengths that can be turned to our benefit in that area as in any other. For me, learning about my own mind was key to finally dealing with what had happened in my past... the "talk about it" method just didn't work for me; what worked better was writing about it, analyzing my own reactions and those of people around me, understanding it the way I would a concept in science or an event in history. That kind of understanding, what you go for when you study something, helps you to feel a sort of control over the memory of the event.

yup...remembering every #$%^up I've done over the years, the only thing that makes it come into focus is that I'm the only one who actually remembers them.

I say put all of the bad memories into a box in your mind. Wrap it securely with duct tape. When the memories threaten to escape, wrap the box several times with bailing wire and more duct tape. I really don't want to revisit bad memories, only good ones.
Others say this is a bad practice since one day, no matter how much duct tape and bailing wire i use, the box will explode.

me i dont secure em..just trying to get em out thinging of em makes me feel anxious and ready to hit myself to f*****g wall i feel beter after that though

I think in the long run it's best to try and come to terms with the past,even if it hurts to do so.
I suffered bullying at school which had a severe psychological effect on me.For years afterwards I tried to simply forget about it but in hindsight all I was really doing was suppressing the memories,which itself creates negative energy.It was only at the age of 46 that I faced up to the fact I was still being affected by what happened in childhood.After opening up my mind to this,synchronicity led me to a link on Wikipedia via 'Einstein' to 'Asperger's' and thus a veil of darkness was gradually lifted.It's still not easy but at least I
have a much better understanding of how these things happened,which is always a positive
step.

I think it can be helpful to revisit parts of your life with you new (aged) eyes. It's a lot like rereading a book I really like every few years. I see different things in it based on my new life experiences. Sometimes, like when reading Steven King , I realize that I have out grown the something that use to be very important to me. Without relooking at the "thing", I may not even realize that I have changed(have a past concept of myself) that no longer fits me. I did think it was interesting to try and figure out connections of ....this happened in the past and made me like/dislike/fear/ such and such in the future. It was intersting...like horoscopes, and probably as accurate, given that I hadn't factored in AS. I really thought there was an psychological cause for every AS trait before I learned about AS. I made my square peg fit in the round hole....good times.


It is painful, as you know from trying to revisit my high school but as long as I am just recounting it and not staying stuck in it...it losses some of it's power at each retelling. Maybe the is why I "share" so much of my past here....or maybe it's just because I'm a self obsessed aspie?

What I find very counter productive is when a therapist trys to get you stuck in that place and seeing yourself as a victem. I find that very destructive...even if they shade it with the word "survivor"...I'm not fooled by symantics. Maybe I was a victem of some in some situations but I don't need to stay there for ever. Yo paraphrase, "Not a nice place to visit and you realy don't want to live there." I don't know if it is healthy for people who have a tendency to already be self obsessed to stay focused on themselves all the time either....My depression seems to be better when I force myself out of myself once in awhile.

The past is gone.
It was to be learned from, and no more.


I have no regrets. I, the way I am, am merely a product of the events that have lead up to the present... ALL included.
I would not be the same person if anything had gone differently, and irrespective I would probably still face it with the same indifference.

There is no good or bad in life; merely the myriad webbed ways of cause and effect... vastly intertangled and completely impersonal.
Whatever I am, essentially, is what I was meant to be and there is no point questioning it as it can be no other way.


And besides... only the weak cry over their past. I endeavour to be better than that.

As for the memories of the past, mine aren't duct taped up in their little box or anything that extreame. I just don't dwell on them. I don't sit around and think about of my sister beating me, and the definate "abandonment issues" I have or anything. I focus more on the positive aspects and activiely try to not let the past negativity influence my present happiness. The parts of my life that hurt me and caused me great pain I put away from me. Both in actuality and mentally. I don't feel the need to suffer even more because of it. The brain can't tell the difference between what it imagines and what is real. So if I sit around all the time in therapy "talking" about it w/ a total stranger who is being paid to listen to me. Remembering it all, reliving it all, imagining it all again, I would suffer it all again, and I dont want to do that. Why would i? That whole concept seems somewhat "stupid" to me. Reliving it, and talking endlessly about it all over and over just "numbs" you to it.

It doesn't change it... it just makes it to where you can talk about it and then they tell you that the therapy has worked, it's all o.k. now cause you can "share it"
I have absolutly no desire to numb the pain of my life in any way from myself. Not w/ medication and not by trivializing it into something that I can just let fall out of my mouth with no emotional pain involved. I'd rather "own it" and acknowledge it, than pretend like its all o.k. now because I "shared" w/ some other people. The way I was treated by my family, the people who were supposed to love and care for me is definatly NOT o.k. and never will be no matter how much it is "shared in therapy" Nothing is ever going to change that.
But I refuse to live in pain for the rest of my life because of them.
And it has all molded me into the person I am which I am grateful for. I'm resiliant, independent and compassionate. I have never hit or spanked my children, and I strove to raise them the way I wish I had been raised. Above all else they know how much they are loved and cherished.
My memories of my past don't rule my life in any way that I can think of.It only hurts when I remember it all. And since I don't really live in the past I'm usually pretty happy. If I feel the need to be sad I can open up those cubby holes and take out the memories, and re-examine them, but as a rule I don't. Why would I ?
I'm remembering things that have't been recalled for decades. I see my navievty, and isolation with pity, and my resourcful adaptability with admiration. And most importantly, thru it all, every single day of it I knew deep inside that I was always a "person of worth" (for lack of a better term) and never lost faith in myself. That is what kept me going I think. I can recall that feeling even as a young child. It was pervasive in me. I never wore the mantle of guilt that a victim will often put on. And that feeling of being "worthy" remains today still. Thats more than A LOT of people can say. I don't suffer from depression and am generally positive. I take better care of myself than most people do cause I know, no ones going to do it for me. If I had one great wish that was reasonably attainable in this life it would be to be a better housekeeper and not have piles of books everywhere.
I really am pretty well adjusted, even w/ everything I'v been through. I think it is better to feel both the great sorrows of life along with the moments of joy, in all their depths and heights. Without one, youd have no appreciation of the other. I would never want to "numb it down." I'd rather "feel it ALL than feel nothing."

Yes, there are days, When I had almost no memories of the past from the mere fact, some of such memories are not the most kindest to look upon however, may it be known that one can't remain buried in the long after timeline yet, one can't deny the existence of it either.. So, often I try to forge ahead and hope for the best but, always keeping a guard to prevent previous attrocities from repeating themselves oncemore..

I don't deal with the past. The past has dealt with me.

I wish I remembered MORE specifics about old memories. Still, I can remember a LOT about different bad memories. They ARE necessary to understand various potential problems.

I seem to remember everything -- I really don't dwell on the bad memories, but I've always tried to understand why bad events happened. The bad things that have continued to affect me are the ones that I have worked the hardest to understand. Once I've been able to understand them, and how they affected me, I've been able to put them aside.

Writing about my life has been the most therapeutic thing I've done to reconcile the bad stuff and get on with life.

Z

Anytime the past tries to beat me up,
all it does is give me the finger.

Any f**k up I did in the past
comes back later and bite me in the ass.