Do you feel bad when you exhibit an AS trait?

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As I've stated I do feel I have Asperger's but I still get upset (not on the outside but the inside) when I exhibit something based on AS. Such as today I made an idiot of myself and was just rambling off! Sadly this left me thinking I should just keep my mouth shut and really upset me for the rest of the day. I also have a tendancy to be loud when I should be quite (I get that statement ALOT!! !) Also my parents hate 2 specific behaviors I have A) clumsiness and B) taking things one at a time with B I get told WHAT ARE YOU STUPID I TOLD YOU TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH THIS THIS AND THIS!! I'm hoping people here at WP can give me some advice and help me not feel so bad about having AS.

only to myself.

I do!

When I am approched by someone I do not know I go into the classic 'cannot look in the eyes' (this is very unsettling to me, akin to nails on a chalkboard) and the stilted speech pattern. I used to call it stuttering but I am so flustered by the unwanted attention that
I almost shut-down (internal panic) and seek an escape.

The I feel like I am a hopeless basket case....

That's also one of the main reasons I haven't dated, I absolutly cannot make small talk and then the panic attacks. I recently found a book "What to say after "hello"" that seems to help
but not with the panic, and I am wondering if medication would help with that ...

I always feel self-conscious whenever I catch myself exhibiting a trait.

For me, it depends on what I do, if it's something bad or embarrassing, then yea, but if it's just a run of the mill day to day thing, I just figure that it's part of who I am and nothing to be ashamed of.

Yes. I also was not aware that I repeat myself alot until someone else brought it up.

I try to make a conscious effort to not repeat myself so much.

Oddly enough, when I smoke cannabis, every Autistic trait I present within the past week just suddenly becomes blatantly obvious to me. I know that a lot of people will shy away from this since it's illegal, and considered to be up there with Heroin as a dangerous drug (which is completely untrue since it's not addictive and proven to be physically impossible to overdose on), but I can't deny how well it works for me.

Yes, I feel a lot of anxiety, fear and guilt.

Actually I don't and I don't really understand why anyone else does. It's not like NT's are perfect, they have many traits that I would consider worse then many AS traits. I think we have some valuable traits and it is a trade off. The negative ones, (or the ones that make it difficult living in a world were our neurology is in the minority), can be frustrating because the world was not designed for us but I don't think they are innately worse then NT traits.


Maybe this is because I have lived with AS for 42 years before I knew there was a name for those specific traits ? I didn't devide my traits into AS or NT but "things" I wanted and could improve and things I couldn't. I personally would not want to lose my focus or passions. I just wish society would be a bit more tolerant of our differences....that would eliminate a lot of the anxiety and depression which is far worse then any social mistakes I make.

Less and less often. Only on the very few occasions when it causes someone else discomfort or confusion do I ever feel bad about it. Even embarrassing myself is starting to be a lot harder.

I used to get berated this way for spilling things so often as a child. I don't think they were so much angry about the spilling as they seemed to reason that I must have been too stupid to learn my lesson from the time before, so they thought they needed to help me learn my lesson by shaming me a little. Or else, sometimes they thought I spilled things just to get attention, like I supposed that being clumsy was cute or something. For a very long time that taught me to be extremely disgusted with myself whenever I made mistakes, but I eventually outgrew that.

I wish I could just feel the anxiety and fear without the guilt and shame. The guilt and shame are so unnecessary and unjustified. I beat myself up for years and years about the behaviors that got me rejected and I cringe with shame each time I remember.

Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like a jerk. My boyfriend will do something nice for me but instead I get all upset about it just because he did a change in the room like moving the computer from one side of the room to the other side and I wigged out about it because he had put the monitor on the small dresser and the keyboard on a chair and the mouse. I even wigged out again when he put another computer on the table and the keyboard too. This was later on when he did another computer incident. After he told me he wanted to have the internet set up for me because I love going on the internet when i get home from work and it stopped working on one side of the room so he moved it across the room. Then I felt bad.


But I did better when he set the computer up in the guest bedroom on a small dresser when he reinstalled Windows on the computer my Dad gave me because it had viruses on it and it damaged Windows.

Wow, I mentioned that I smoke Cannabis and didn't hear a single thing, I thought for sure I was going to get the same "you're killing yourself in a disgusting way by using something that can't possibly help you whatsoever" response I got at AFF, I think I like this group.

Actually, I always thought it was kind of weird that I didn't feel shame. I just believed that I was always doing the best that I could and saw no reason to feel bad about making mistakes. Believe me, it wasn't how I was raised. My parents had no problem trying to shame me bt it just never "stuck". I have also had few regrest, even though I have made a lot of poor choices in life. I figure that is just part of life. Perhaps it is part of my own "black and white thinking"...if I am trying to be good then that is all I can do, isn't logical to feel that I am a bad person unless I am intentionaly doing something wrong....in those cases I feel guilt, not shame. I know I did wrong and try and not do it again,(like when I used to shop lift things as a kid). I know when I did those things it was because I was angry at humans for being mean to me...passive aggressive. When I realized why I was doing something like that, I could make myself stop.


I used to get really mad at my parents when they would yell or punish me for something like dropping a dish or spilling something. I KNEW I wasn't doing it on purpose and I was more then willing to clean up or pay for it but what is the point of trying to make me feel bad for something I didn't so on purpose. This was when I was in 1-3 grade and I still think it is more logical then my parents who were supposed to be adults. Actually, their lack of reason and logic made it difficult to trust their judgement in general......a big mistake, since they did have more life experience and I was very nieve and trusting of people that they tried to warn me about.

lol....actully, if you want people to tell you that ,you will have to make an individual thread about...."Hey what do you think of pot" Tthere are several people here who smoke and more of us who have and eventually got sick of it. (I don't think it is worse then half the meds they put some AS people on. )