i want my seat.

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I am sure im not the only one that has had this problem. when I was in school I would always sit in the same seat and every so often someone would choose to sit there instead. I would often break into tears because I did not know what to do.

I can relate, though it never got me to the point of tears. In every class both at school / college / university I always headed for the same seat in each room. It was frustrating not to get the usual seat. If I ever had to sit at a very different place in a classroom then it felt quite awkward and sometimes a bit unpleasant in a hard to define way, especially if the people near me were not the usual ones I sat near. I think it goes with the Aspergers - we are creatures of habit.

I'm an NT and liked "my" own seat too!

Creature of habit is another phrase I use a LOT!

I don't know why, maybe it is because I started having to vary food like 5 years ago(It STILL doesn't change much and is usually variations on a theme). But I HAVE started changing things a couple years ago.

Luckily, I don't get to the point of tears either, but I DO greatly dislike HAVING to change such a "habit".

Well my problem was that i didnt have a choice, the other seats were with jocks which i did not want to sit next to and or with girls in which i am very shy. and i realy could not make a decision, it was like the only thing i could do was stand there and stress.

I don't think I ever went so far as to break into tears, but I would spend the entire period feeling out of sorts if I couldn't sit in the back righthand seat.

I've always had chosen seats... and I will be very resentful of anyone taking them.

I've tried to break the habit since coming to London... and I can usually cope with someone being in MY place on the bus.... but the worst is when I'm coming onto the bus and my seat is free, then the person right in front of me sits in it JUST as I'm headed to it. I just feel like I want to rip them out of my seat and throw them out the nearest window. How dare they?! Ignorant mundies... Any seat is the same to them and yet they take MINE!

Oh well. Nothing I can do about it.

And besides, it isn't as bad as that guy who pushed past me on my left this morning. I deliberately walk along next to the fence so people only pass me on my right.... but some fat idiot actually went so far as to push me out of the way to pass me on my left. If I wasn't so non-confrontational in person (something I'm trying to remedy) I would have charged back after him and punched his lights out. I was fuming all the way to the office.

yeah thats another thing i try to respect NTs by staying out there way some just dont want to return the favor

A while ago I made a decision to be open to change, and it I'm now a lot more at ease with the world. I don't expect that every aspie here would be able to do it just like that, since I seem to be more motivated to change negative patterns that emerge in my life than other aspies I know. I think this has to do with having an encouraging family or something of the sort. I definitely used to be like this though.

They're two-faced though.
They don't deserve any such respect.
You're wasting your time even trying.

I mean like that guy on Oxford Street, in amongst all the jostling, who tried to start something with me because I shoulder-barged him in passing. He tried to get me to stop so he could have a go at me, but I just yelled back at him to go rot with all the other sheep and made a rude gesture over my shoulder.

i think i am too nice to swear and make a rude gesture
and i have improved a bit lately, i have decided to choose diferent seats in my lectures, though i am consces over where other people are siting at the time

Shame.
I puzzle over how some people can have gone through similar experiences to me in life and yet NOT become bitter and vengeful.

i often feel like i have 2 sides; one who wants to please everyone and follow rules, and the other dosnt care and want to follow my own rules.

*Shrugs*

I have three sides, and I only recently found out the agendas of each one:

Myself, my lower instinct and my higher instinct.

My own agenda is autodeconstructionist... I just want to disconnect from existence and from the illusions of self. A somewhat philosophical agenda that remains mostly indifferent to anyone and anything else. All else is arbitrary in the meanwhile.

My lower instinct is downright psychotic, wanting no more than to bring ruin and destruction to everyone and everything... myself included. He might have more specific goals in the midst of all that (he might be responsible for my fleeting desire to create a totalitarian Aspergian empire)... but I'm not 100% on that.

My upper instinct, from what I can tell, has every intention of using me as society's scapegoat and encouraging me to follow that role... i.e. to martyr myself for the sake of the people who oppress me. Since finding this out, I'm even more opposed to this than to my lower instinct's intents.

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sometimes i think that maybe i do alot of things just to appear like the least likely suspect. I often enjoy manipulating people and wonder what if i am actualy so strong willed i am infact creating my personality and try to control society from within. how do you know if you are evil?
oh and i will join your aspergian empire when the time is right

There is no evil.
That is the convenience of it all.

Nature's way is survival through suffering... existing at the expense of others.
The Universe's way is entropy... The gradual breakdown of all form into a meaningless, mostly-hollow mass.

No matter how you look at it, both the way of life on this planet and the Universe at large are things that mere humans would consider "evil" in all their delusion. Who are they to say what should and should not be done though? Whether I'm serving the will of Nature or indeed the will of the Cosmos, the way is clear: You fight... and you keep fighting until you die.

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