Hi...new and looking for any advice

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Hi, I'm new to the board. I found the link for this site on another website about aspergers. I was never diagnosed by a doctor but I've been reading about it for several months now and it sounds so much like me that it gave me chills. I even took an online test of sorts and it said I scored very high, meaning I have aspergers. Trust me that I'm not the sort that believes I have everything I read about!
Lately I feel like I'm sinking. I have a very hard time making any friends. Often-times it doesn't bother me to be by myself and I'm ok with it. But at work it's a different story. I feel like everyone at work has someone that they talk to and click with so to speak, and I'm always the odd one out. I don't know why it is bothering me quite so much lately but I feel like I'm ready to scream. I try so hard to be polite, nice to people, to relate to them, and somehow it's never quite enough. When I try to talk about things I'm interested in (just for the sake of small talk) I get the general impression that they think I'm strange and can't relate to me. Every once in a while it gets back to me what people say, that they think I'm weird or strange and I hate it. Deep down, I don't feel that I'm so strange but I can never seem to make any real friends. Although I do think it is partially my fault because I don't trust people and always feel that they have an ulterior motive when they do act friendly, although I try not to treat them that way. That and I have a hard time talking on a good day. I guess I'm going on and on about this but it's hard for me to explain exactly how I feel. I'm just so down and depressed about it and I feel so utterly alone. My own husband doesn't understand me and I have no one to talk to. In the past I used to be a cutter but I haven't done that in a very long time, but I'm starting to feel so overwhelmed that it has crossed my mind lately. I don't know if anyone out there will understand me totally, hopefully you will. I just feel like I'm sinking and forgot how to swim! Just please don't laugh at me, I already feel silly writing all this for strangers to read that I don't even know.

Hello.
Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hello nettiespaghetti,

Keep on trawling through all the forums. There are lots of topics and discussions going on that can offer advice, or a bit of comfort, just in knowing that there are lots of other people who go through similar things.
If you are really getting down about things maybe you should look into speaking to a counsellor, psychologist or someone else you feel you can confide in.
In regards to your work place, is there anyone there, like maybe a senior co-worker, or your boss even, that you could try to talk to? I know it would feel really difficult, and I'm not sure it would help, but trying might be worth it. It wouldn't be like you'd need to, or should, spill all your troubles out to them, rather just say something along the line of: I feel a little left-out (and lonely), and having a bit of trouble making friends here, I would really appreciate any advice you could give me....
Gosh, I don't know...I probably wouldn't be able to do that, so I don't know why I'm suggesting it.
I'd just recommend you find a counsellor to talk to, or your GP.

p.s. you are not silly for writing your message.

I do appreciate it little bird, and hi to everyone. I know no one really has a definitive answer per say... I really need to talk to a professional but I'm almost positive my insurance won't cover it and it's so hard to find the money to see a psychiatrist. This mornimg when I woke up I thought about going and getting some depression meds but that would at best only mask the problem and I doubt it'd help me much anyway. I guess I just was hoping someone would have a similar experience or maybe even a little advice of their own to share. Does anyone have any experience on getting a diagnosis as an adult? Or if they have seen a psychiatrist/counselor, what did they have you do?