'Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover'

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I am so bad at this, not so much with books, but with people.
If somebody has something about them that I don't like about them or (more likely) scares me then I judge the person and I don't like them. Looks, things they say, how they sound, really fat people scare me, I know thats bad, people with beards scare me a bit.
Im so judgemental and intolerant.

Is anyone else like this and is it important to stop?
And if it is...how?

I judge people by the way they think. This takes a bit of attention and time but it pays off. Some very strange looking people can be very interesting and worthwhile.

I learned this back when I picked up hitchhikers to have someone to talk to.

I have an extreme aversion to people that never close their mouths. On my better days I can get over it and find a positive quality to focus on. On my not so good days I have to get away or risk fantasies of violent acts. It's important to me to stop because I would like to say that I have no prejudices, but that's not quite true. As for how.

Last edited by rekoil on 02 Jun 2008, 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, let's try an experiment:

I have a beard.

Do you like me?

(Note: I could be lying. I could have a bread like ZZTOP or be barefaced and weight 500 pounds. Or I could just be your average bloke with a tan.)

I know it is easy to judge a book by its cover: Homo Sapiens do it all the time. It is an important skill and short-hand for determining if someone or something is a danger to us. But sometimes it steers us wrong.

The trick is to be a SMART Homo Sapien and when you don't like the cover (how someone looks) work a little harder at determining what you think about them based on what they DO and SAY.

If you want a good read on the subject, pick up Malcolm Gladwell's book, 'BLINK'. You'll find it at your library.

M

Me too. Though why I find that amusing remains a mystery. Try not to fear beards by the way, they truly are the source of all wisdom. All the world's problems can be better solved with just five minutes of beard stroking than a decade of research and billions of dollars could ever do.

I used to be really bad about this when I was younger. And some of it still carries with me to some extent. When I was in high school there were a couple of the popular preppy girls that like to pick on my and bully me. So when I'd see a girl that looked preppy and seemed to fit that stereotype I'd find myself thinking "what a b**ch" and I tried to stay away from that person and/or wasn't very friendly to them. I've learned that I can't judge everyone the same of course, and try really hard not to judge someone until I know them. Still catch myself doing it though.

I think lot of people do this.

I think it is important to stop because I believe people shouldn't judge people by the way they look. They don't know them is why. I think it's shallow.

You probably wouldn't like me in real life. I tend to say things that are considered inappropriate, I talk funny (I sound like I have an accent), and I am not sure if you find anything wrong with my looks or not. Lot of people think I'm cute and pretty.


I probably scared you then in my last PM when I offered to show you my B&J pictures and the video of the diner because I never heard back from you. I wonder what impression I gave you?

I rarely ever judge a book by it's cover.

Partly because it pisses me off when people do it to me, and because I like to think there is more depth to people than their looks, how they sound or what religion they are.

I try not to do it but they say a certain amount of what a person thinks of another is in the first few seconds.

See, I don't not like people with beards (I am not saying this because you do or do not have one, I am trying to explain myself better) they just scare me a bit and I think its because its more of the face covered which gives me even less to try and work out what what the face is doing or trying to portray. The other thing is, I am judgemental about people around me, but it wouldn't not stop me talking to them if they spoke to me or becoming friends or anything like that, it doesn't mean I don't like them...which is where I confuse myself. I make on the spot 'they scare me' or I don't like that but nothing sticks.
Other people seem to avoid people talking to themselves or people with deformities, different colour skin etc and they hold grudges...thats not what I feel at all, I don't work that way.




Thats not me at all, I don't judge like that, I don't care if people are pretty, beautiful, ugly, rude, polite, smart, stupid, I don't care about anything like that. My on the spot judgements do not stop me talking to them and they would not stop





I am so sorry.
I don't get PMs on here, you're the only person I got them off. I forgot I hadn't replied.
I hope you can forgive me, I so wanted to see those pictures. This is why I lose friends, I forget to reply to e-mails and PMs and texts. Im so sorry.
I'll pm you now.


I am useless, and I don't think im explaining myself well, I don't think I even know what I am trying to say. I have just been out with my brother and he was being judgemental, but the kind you meant 'They are such preps' and I asked what that meant and he said he would never be friends with people like that.

I don't decide whether I like someone or not by there looks, I wouldn't be very good at photography if I did, thats not it at all what it is, I find it hard enough to make friends as it is, I get on best with people who are different, I find faces and people fascinating. I don't not like many people except those who are racist or discriminative but then I really do not like them.

I don't think im making any sense

You're not useless at all. I know what you're saying. Unfortunately I have no better luck trying to come up with a way to explain it.

Soo... do you mean that you, when you see a person with... a beard, immediately think/feel scared? It just happens?

Do you know whether you don't like them only because they scare you or because of something else too? I think that is important to figure out. Because if you find yourself feeling repulsed and think you don't like them because they scare you, then I think the real problem is that something about them scares you. And unless you know exactly what scares you, why it scares you (why a beard looks scary), you can't change feeling that.

Because you said it's not that you don't like people with, for example, beards. Right? But you said they scare you. So I think that maybe, the real issue is that they scare you. The question is why do they scare you? You said that maybe you feel uneasy because you can't see much of their face... I think you should think about that more.

Feeling uneasy or scared can evoke lots of things - usually negative emotions and thoughts. That's why with every hatred and dislike, we should think about whether there is something that makes us uneasy.

I hope I interpreted you correctly, because I thought it was easy to understand.

Im not repulsed at all.
Im...I think im very childlike, I get easily scared by a lot of things, anything that does something its not meant to. Oh oh oh ok. I don't think I make judgements as such, I think im more inquisitive as to anything thats different. But I point it out instead of asking questions.

That's it.
That is what I do.


Today I put my card in the machine to check how much money I had and it beeped and I ran away because I was scared. Dark shady people with beards scare me, alarms, bells, beeps, cars anything like that scares me. Im not scared of all beards because my Uncle has one, I don't like being hugged or kissed by people with people with beards, its like itchy wool.

When im out anything, anyone thats different or stands out, bright colours, anything I point out. But out loud.

Ha. I worked it out
Thank you Sora

Umm...is this a problem?

Ah, cool! Glad you worked it out then.

That's because you're in the process of maybe getting an ASD diagnosis, isn't it. Because that's a trait that can easily be associated with ASDs.


Whether it is a problem or not...
I don't think it's a problem for other people (not much anyway), but it may be for you? Whether it is a problem depends on what you think about it when, for example, you were startled by the sounds of the machine and ran. If you can't do something that you really really want to, because something isn't like it is supposed to, it's probably a problem. If it hinders you in your everyday life or if it makes you depressed etc.

In short, if you feel bad that it is like this - then it's probably a problem. If you feel ok with this - then it's probably not a problem.

I judge people by many things. Be it a sentence they said, a word, their appearance or whatever. People tell me im to quick to judge, but i can dislike a person very strongly if for instance they stand for something i dont. My therapist keeps saying that i shouldnt keep doing this, but i cant help it. I can get temper tantrums over something a stranger did. Oh well

Anything that doesnt go with my idea of how stuff is supposed to be, ill dislike. And pretty fast as well.