new here and I need some advice

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Hello everyone,

My name is Jonas, I'm 20, like all of you know who have Asperges', Asperger's syndrome spills some soapy water on the floor of life. (Sorry, corny analogy) But neurotypicals say that life is just as difficult to for them. Well, I wouldn't know the neurotypical mindset because I'm not one. But most of the time neurotypicals seem be pretty resilient and happy and most neurotypicals are not as intuitive.

When I was very young, I was pretty much like all the other kids. The only thing I cared about was getting first to be on the swings at recess and thinking up ways to hide my veggies at dinner. I didn't have any friends like the other kids did, but I didn't really care and honestly, now that I think back I don't think I noticed that. Once I became 9, 10, 11 it became a little harder. Social skill expectations were becoming more complex, kids were less tolerant, and 3rd,4th,5th grade is when academic work becomes more focused. Middle school was terrible. I became more isolated than ever and I wasn't able to learn anything in school. Thank goodness for multiple choice tests and re-do opportunities. High school was less hard because I knew what to expect, whereas middle school, I didn't really know. I didn't learn anything in high school either. I had all the most basic classes and I had about a cumulative 2.77 GPA. I literally could not learn or focus in grades 7-12. I can't really pinpoint whether it was because the anxiety of social pressure created a mental block in my concentration, or I had low-self esteem and just couldn't do anything. Even at home, I couldn't sustain mental effort to do chores. It would/and does take me 25 minutes to do a chore that should take 5. Because I tend to space out and have a bunch of random thoughts enter my mind one by one. Now, I am in my second year of junior college. I'm on double academic probation because I didn't pass any of my classes for the past three semesters. I cannot learn. I don't know what to do. I cannot even focus on a conversation completely. It seems to just get worse the older I get. I don't know what to do. I am trapped in this mind. I hate having to wake up in the morning having to face everything. I already take Luvoxamine and Abilify and I have tried Focalin but it made me worse. I don't know, I wish I could just live faraway from everybody and everything and try to forget it all and focus on stuff that I like. I guess I just don't like human interaction. I even dread it when it's mother or father's day.

Anyone else here feel the same way?

Most people on here seem pretty content with everything.

I'm a lot like that too, spacy, pessimistic, hard for me to concentrate on a task for long, don't want to socialize. I also get really sleepy sometimes after I eat.
I don't know what you can do about school. If you want to go back, you can talk to a counselor first and see what they say. Maybe they can help you figure out ways to pass the classes.
I often wish I lived in a cave or on a deserted island.

Always loved the opening scene of the Charleton Heston film The Omega Man (the first film version of I Am Legend - where he's screaming through Los Angeles in a sports car and the whole place is empty. The shops and stores are all there, but not another human in sight - that's my fantasy.

I don't recall the types of focusing problems in school that you guys are describing. For me, school (except for bullies and higher math) was just another routine. Because of my solitary nature, I spent a lot of time reading and was always two or three levels above my immediate peers in English, Science and History. Of course, this was in the 60s and 70s, and nobody I knew had ever heard of Autism, much less Asperger's Disorder, so no one ever even attempted to medicate me in any way. I don't claim to have an answer, but the first thing I'd try is getting away from all man-made pharmaceuticals. I use a very strong brew of Chamomile tea for anxiety and it works quite well. That's the only part of HFA that can be treated, so anything else is more likely to cause problems than solve them.

Bur I should talk. I treat my sleep issues by self-medicating with alcohol.

I've been on double-probation before. It was three years ago if I remember correctly.

Right now, though, I'm attending one of the better universities in my state

And I'm managing to tread water, if barely, in the most difficult program they have out here.

I had the same problem. It never really feels like it's clearing up, but just trust me: keep pushing at it.

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