Why cure stimming?

Post Reply New Topic

It always makes me angry when parents or doctors try to cure stimming, try to make the child(or adult) not to stim. Why? Unless the child(or adult)is hurting himself/herself, what´s wrong with it?

I was JUST Googling how to stop... I am 28 years old and I have had the same stim my entire life. I can't stop doing it and sometimes a quick stim will turn into an exhausting 5 minute event. I just want to stop because I find it embarrassing.

One of the problems with stimming, when done in public isn't just that it's "inappropriate," but that it can be a burden on others. While your stim may seem natural to you, it may seem like an unnecessarily burden to me or someone else. While I'm more tolerant, as I may stim myself, I understand that it's poor manners to hum, or whistle, or rock back and forth in public. Not just because it's "socially unacceptable," but because it can actually be an annoyance, inconvenience, or hassle for others, and I feel it's wrong to burden others in this way, as I wouldn't want to be burdened with having to work around someone else's stim. Stimming in public with no regard for others is actually somewhat selfish and self-centered, even if no harm is meant.

Annoyence? Incovenience? Unnecearily burden? I understand that vocal stimming may be disturbing to others, but just movement? Whose bussiness is how you move? I would compare it to gay men kissing in public. Isn´t two men french-kissing in public annoyance, inconvenience, or hassle for others? And gays complain it´s a discrimination and homophobia that they can´t kiss in public. I would say it´s also a discrimination and ableism for autistic people not allowed to stim in public.

Besides, I asked why shouldn´t we stim at all not just in public? If it is disturbing to others, shouldn´t an autistic child(adult) be told "just don´t do it in public" instead of being cured of it?

I never said anything about private stimming, but if it's that natural to do in private, one may be tempted to do it in public.

In regards to your post and a stim that involved movement, I was picturing either a long line someplace, or a bus stop, or actually being on a bus or a train where movement stim would be an inconvenience for others.

that is quite a narrow subset though isnt it?

also the argument you use can be used against any and all kinds of behavior, even socialization.

if people were directly threatened by it(as in it happens within their personal boundary of around 30-50 centimeters) then we could talk.

Other people have been really horrible about my stims in the past, because they find it annoying. **sarcasm*Well I'm sorry*sarcasm**, but it's a part of who I am, and I'm not going to change for you. I don't like everything about you(the bullies), but I don't bully you into changing.
Maybe if you didn't stress me out to begin with, I wouldn't be moving my leg like that.

Last edited by JellyCat on 10 Sep 2012, 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

What exactly is stimming? Is it when you rock or keep moving parts of your body? If so it may be calming for us but to everyone else in the world it's annoying or looks weird. Very stupid of them. When I can't sleep at night I tend to move my legs around a lot or wiggle my feet or ankles. I used to have bouts of "Restless Leg Syndrome", which felt terrible and extremely uncomfortable. I often get up and pace around when I am thinking hard about something, and when I'm at a place where I feel bored I get restless and start wandering all over the place. I tap my feet a lot, too, like right now while sitting at my computer. Fortunately most of the time I'm either alone or my seemingly odd, semi-voluntary muscle movements go relatively unnoticed.

Exactly.

I think that the only reason to get rid of a stim is if it is harmful or if the person themselves is bothered by it and wants to stop. Obviously there is a time and a place for everything, and certain stims may be inappropriate at certain times, but there is no reason to stop stimming completely when it is more effective than benzos at helping a lot of people calm down. It may be helpful to learn how to control stims in certain settings, like in a classroom or on a bus.
I stim in public and I educate others (nicely) if they make a nasty comment in the hopes that more people will start to understand people who are "different from themselves" and become more accepting in general. I bring fidget toys to class at college and I use them if I feel antsy. They are quiet, unobtrusive toys and I've gotten permission from the instructors. I have explained their purpose to some of the other students and they have been quite understanding, and even interested.
I'm willing to meet others half-way by trying to find the least obtrusive stims to use in a situation should I feel the need, but I'm not going to change the core of my being just because it makes some other people "uncomfortable". I can feel very uncomfortable if I cannot stim at all in stressful situations, is it better that I feel uncomfortable instead of them? I'm just as important as they are and, while I'm not going to try to annoy them, I am going to stim if I need to.

Don't see how socializing can equate to an inconvenient stim.

I'm not anti-stimming. I'm just saying that while it may feel natural to you, someone else's stim may seem like a burden or unnecessary inconvenience. The guy on the bus next to you rocking back and forth, the guy at the office humming and bobbing his head right next to you while you're trying to concentrate. The electronics salesman who's rapidly opening and closing his mouth, making popping sounds with his lips while you're trying to ask about the new TV you want to buy.

In other words, there is a certain time and place for stimming, and there times and places where it should be avoided. Not simply to appease society, but because if you were the one interacting with a stimmer, you'd find it inconvenient.

agreed, but that still has nothing to do with my main point.

humans constantly go on eachothers nerves and everybody has their mannerisms, in essence i dont think the fact that people find it annoying is an argument against anything.
which is why i said that it can be used about socialization, it annoys certain subsets and as such could by that metirc be deemed inappropriate.


that said while that isnt an argument, peoples reaction to you is, while you are free to stim they are also free to form their opinions around that, and that is (as you say yourself) an excellent argument, if onyl to make any interactions you have less stressfull.

the reason i said it was a narrow subset is that while a line or a bus stop where its crowded are perfect examples of a place where consideration of others is especially important(also see below),
walking on an empty sidewalk, not so much.

the one exception to this is that people have their intimacy sphere and that can and will be seen as a transgression if broken(sometimes it can be remedied by a simple sincere sorry, other times people will leave cursing and shouting), it can shrink and grow with the enviroment(the more packed a mall si the smaller the intimacy sphere, even to the point where physical contact is ignored, where in the city park at summer it might be 50 meters or more)

I don't know - if it's not hurting anyone ... I guess I just get tired of altering myself so I don't bug or offend people. I'm always conscious of it - think of it, if I don't rock or hum on a bus so I don't bug people - but the lady with strong perfume that is making my throat burn, and the people yakking on the phone, and someone else who smells like smoke, and someone pops and crackles their gum, and kids are crying, and people are talking so the whole world knows what they did at the party last night - why is something like rocking, pacing, humming, so bad?

It just seems so pick and choose in this world. I dunno. Sigh.

Well just to play devils advocate an example of socializing inconveniencing or annoying others would be people talking on a bus while someone else is trying to read or study or just finds the voices annoying or over-stimulating. Who has more right in this situation a person reading or a person talking on a bus? What if a mom is playing with her baby and making high pitched cooing noises to him/her and the child is making high pitched (but not excessively loud) sounds of glee. This might annoy someone in a line or on a bus but I don;t think that means the mom should stop what she's doing. I think when there is no established overt code of conduct -such as on a bus on in a crowded corridor it's just as okay to hum (or rock or whatever) as it is to talk, laugh etc.

In a place with an established code of conduct like a classroom or a library it's different because there is an established code of conduct and you can't make any kind of noise. Still in these situations I'd rather see someone rocking with my peripheral vision than a person playing a flashy game on a computer or other device silently during a lecture (the latter is much more distracting to me).

Still I'm really self centred and will stim in situation where I'm quite aware that it will bug other people if I'm really stressed and it calms me down.

Even so there are some reasons to want to stop a kid stimming: the stim might cause the child physical injury (like hand biting) or disturb others (like a constant vocal stim even during class at school)-it might distract the child and keep them from learning-anything the child does while in class if they are tuning out while stimming. Still it seems to me that the most common reason for wanting to stop this behaviour is because it looks weird and that's unfortunate , because although having the kid fit in better isn't a bad goal the calming organizing benefits of the child's stim might outweigh the disadvantage of it looking weird and maybe other kids should be taught to be more tolerant of weird behaviour instead.

Very good way of putting it; a neighbor of mine will rock back and forth in church, and while my family and I understand and are amused by it, it is a distraction.

i compulsively bounce my legs, tap but also scratch at my scalp to the point where it's bleeding. I can see these all being connected and if I was no longer able to bounce I would give it up to not have self-injury compulsions such as scratching.