Nephew looks aspi-positive, brother looks other way

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My six year old son has recently been diagnosed as very mildly in the asperger's spectrum. Almost the same month, my brother and his wife had their child evaluated. Their child, 5 1/2, can rattle off as many types of dinosaurs as you give him time for, asks endless questions, often "weird" or slightly off-pace. Seems very bright, but honestly seems to be in another world, likes to scream when excited. He loves hanging out with my son, but his teacher warned his parents he had poor fine motor skills and lacked empathy.
My sibling's response is to call in occupational therapy and to try to teach him about empathy...but he's interpreting his son's psychologist finding of extremely mild asperger's as a sort of get out of jail free card.
I brought the subject up, gently, and he asked slightly aggressively whether I thought his son was positive. I dodged and ducked, hemmed and hawed, not feeling comfortable that I was in a truly open conversation. He then led the conversation elsewhere.

Sorry to take so long: my question is do I have a duty of some kind, to the child, to confront his father more forcefully? To me, he genuinely does seem to be what I've read about, but I've yet to see the "real deal". I suspect my motives, to be honest. The process has been painful for my wife and me with our own son...

Open to any and all comments.

Um, perhaps I could help if you better explained what the problem is.

Does he not want his son to have AS? Does he think that a positive or negative diagnosis will actually change who his son is? And what are you talking about when you say 'painful process' with your own son?

What are your objectives, as in what do you want to accomplish? And why didnt you tell your brother what you think when he asked?

I am not exactly sure what advice your asking for.

I'm not sure I understand the situation either. However, I have always found that interfering in the parenting choices of others (even family) can easily turn ugly.

Just one man's opinion (and nothing more):

No, you don't have a duty. It doesn't seem to have gotten to that point yet. Your brother appears to be trying to help his son and your nephew doesn't appear to have major issues (yet). Let them try to work through it and be there to support them. If you are right about your nephew's asperger's, then your insights could be the source of valuable advice as they work through your nephew's daily problems.

I guess I wasn't very clear, but the answers are helpful. I'll just let him work through it himself with his son. The process was painful for me and my wife for what I gather are typical reasons...basically finding it hard to accept. But that's in the past for us. Reading all the experiences here on these forums has been a huge help.

In my opinion, I think that just as long as the help he is getting for your nephew is not harmful, you have no responsibility.

Though, if you notice that your brother is acting badly then you should then re-open the subject. This is just my opinion though.


Parents actions are very important and it's good that you understand this and are willing to help your family. Let your brother know that you're there if he needs to talk about it but not to force it unless you see the need.

So your brother is getting your nephew occupational therapy. What's the problem? That seems the best approach to deal with autism spectrum disorders. I've seen a lot of improvement with my own son through his experiences in occupational therapy.

That's good to hear. I guess what I was concerned about is that he seems to be thinking that his son needs help with fine motor skills, and that he needs to be taught about empathy. But he's simply treating symptoms. He doesn't seem to be putting those things in the context of his son's encyclopedic classification of dinosaurs. In short, I'm concerned that he's in denial about it.

Again, though, I'm still new to all this. If you guys think the main thing is that something's being done, ok. Hopefully, the occupational therapist will be able to see the child "in context" and advise the parents accordingly.

My parents pretty much managed to do all the right things with me when they didn't even know Asperger's Syndrome existed until I was diagnosed 2 years ago at age 16.

It's not absolutely necessary that your brother accepts that his son is on the spectrum, only that he does the right things.