question for people on the spectrum

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Three questions first for HFA and Aspies. The rest is me rambling and you can also give your opinion.



Question One: When my son wants to tell me something, I always have to watch him. I mean stop everything I am doing and listen and watch him for about two minutes. It is a constant, "Look at this or this thing flipped over." Even if I saw it and was right there, he has to narrate every little thing for me and even act it out and show me exactly with his hands. I can't just say, I saw it. I have to look at him while he is narrating and showing me with his hands. If I tell him I saw it or I know, that is not enough. He keeps on going. I tried to use the clock (wait until the clock says 3:30 - when it is 3: 27). I do that if I am on an important phone call. It doesn't work and he has no voice modulation so he is very loud. He has to get it out right then becuase I believe the visual picture is so much in his mind. Just my opinion. I am not on the spectrum but am a visual ADHD person and I used to do similar things. So, is it typical for him to make me actually look at him when he is narrating everything, even what I had just seen with him? He is four years old (five in a few weeks).

[b]Question two: [/b]I was singing and listening to music today. I do have an alright voice. He was fine when I was singing (he used to HATE anyone singing). He then had tears in his eyes and said, "I don't like this song." I wasn't singing just to add that my singing wasn't so bad that I made him cry (at least I hope). Then I put on another song. He wanted a happy song. He didn't like it. I put in five different types of songs, all with words. He didn't like it and had tears in his eyes. He couldn't verbalize what was wrong. I asked him if he liked any of them, he said no. I asked him if he wanted music without words, he said, "Yes'. I put it on some instrumental music and he LOVED IT.

WOW! I listen to music with words all the time in my car and sometimes probably a little too loud. Poor guy!

So - do most aspies, HFA like instrumental more than songs with words. If you like songs with words, is it more soft music you like? Should I have him try and instrument. I asked him if he wanted to try one and he looked at me with a blank face.

He seems to be regressing these past three days. Guess what, I haven't given him fish oil for three days because we ran out. It is probably just coincidence, though.


Question three: His birthday is coming up and I went through MAJOR stuff I think he would like. Is there anyone willing to look at about 20 or so toys and pick out your five or six favorites. He is VERY technical but has other interests. He likes to build things but with legos, he just likes the process in building. HE doesn't play with them. We are going to get knex but can't decide which one. We have other things as well. We are going to get him a planter with seeds because he loves to watch things grow. We were thinking an ant farm with those lights (I HATE ANTS) but he would love it. He actually sat down with me and told me what he would like. He picked out about thirty items. I don't have $2000 to buy all of that LOL!!
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Last edited by natesmom on 29 Jul 2008, 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

1. I DO remember doing that. Some mothers don't seem to care, etc... And the child may want to see the reaction, is proud, etc...

2. Is it possible that the singer has a lousy voice, tries to hit bad notes, etc...? There are some people I do NOT want to hear!

3. I LOVE building!

Yeah, when I was singing with the music he was fine. When I stopped and it was a different song, he hated it!

Thanks. I do it all the time. We went to the mall yesterday and it took us forever just to walk from one store to another because he notices everything, especially things that need to be fixed or are not right. I let him talk and talk and talk and we had a GREAT TIME. IT was so great. Oh and there is a song with words he likes. It is the first song on curious George. We heard that song on our way out of a store. He stopped in the middle and said, "This is my song on curious george". He said it very loudly with a lot of enthusiasm. I was excited too because I love that song. So many people smiled and said, "He is the cutest"! I love my son - I love both of my sons.

The music thing is of interest to me since I have been doing some personal research on why I like the types of music that I go for. Personally what I have found is:

1. Mostly all of my favorite bands write music in the key of E thus tend to be on a lower frequency than most music.

2. I tend to like repetitive music but it must have a groove or angular rhythm to it. Most electronic music that people would find repetitive does not fit this.

3. Across all spectrums of music I will tend to like music that is not polyphonic, meaning that it does not have complex or complimenting melodies.

This might be a little to out there for your question but I think the best thing to have your son do is just have at it with some of your music and then he can find what he likes and you can both enjoy it. I used to just play every record that was in the house when I was a little one and I ended up liking Pink Floyd the best and would listen to it over and over and if I reflect on the above criteria it makes total sense.

Natesmom,

I'm sorry but I've forgotten your son's age, so my suggestions might not be age appropriate.

1. Needing full attention.
Your son loves having your attention and would like to monopolise it forever. It's not really about showing you something but about holding your attention. Unfortunately, you can't give it 24 x 7 and he's going to have to learn the hard way. I'd suggest that you teach him now that you can't stop and watch everything - it will save disappointments later in life and will help with his social skills. Of course, he's probably too young to understand yet.

2. Singing
I really didn't get into music with lyrics until I hit 16 and even then it was a deliberate choice to realign my personality with what was "popular" at the time. Instrumental music is often more predictable and soothing for aspies and autistic children but it doesn't mean that songs are out. I think it depends on the child and the mood. Don't worry about it - expose him to various types of music and let him know that it won't always be to his taste. Listen to his feedback about what he likes and doesn't like but keep introducing new things.

3. Building
If you've exhausted lego, try something like mobilo. I'm not sure about an ant farm etc... because you might not want him to play with it in the house. Remember that "watch-only" toys (like ants and fish) are of "limited" value.

1. He just wants you to pay attention to him, like any other young child. Non-autistic children want you to look at them too.

2. High frequency sounds hurt my ears. I am fine with low frequencies at any level, but anything above a talking voice at high frequencies feels like somebody poking my ear with a sharp stick. My top 3 offenders are young children being loud, soprano's singing, and phones ringing. If your songs had women singing in them, that might be your son's problem.

3. The best part about knex is that you can build many things with just 1 set, they are re-arrangeable. The only thing you get from different sets is different instructions, and more pieces. Whatever you get him for his birthday, just make sure it is reusable. Knex and legos can be built into many different things. A model airplane only takes 1 afternoon to construct, and then your done.

1. my son is exactly like that. It is constant, and he is almost 8 and has been like that well since he could talk. However, I did find that letting him get it out right then does help shorten the amount of time, however, I understand that is not always doable.

2. my son does like most music. he prefers country rock style or new country to just about anything. However, he loves classical and celtic music (the later with or without words). I played both for him when he was an infant, so it may just be soothing in that manner (actually played it throughout my pregnancy with him to soothe me, lol). he likes to go to sleep to celtic music. if he is having a hard time i either put it on for him or he gets his FP3 player and listens to it.

3. kinexs are the coolest things ever. my son loves to build but not so much play. he loves the kinexs. if your son likes things that spin (my son and i do), then get one of the sets with gears/motors (many sizes and price ranges). get the big tub (20$ or so at walmart-target) for additional pieces (directions in each box include options for if you have other sets to use as well.) he builds all the time with them and just loves them. hes so proud when he gets one put together also.

The first one I think is generally accepted from 4 year olds. They're attention whores!

The second one.. I always liked music, so I didn't have a problem with my mum playing music. My brother, however, hated all kinds of music and didn't like listening to it until he was around 10.

The third one? Boys generally like building!

If the behaviour is autistic:
He maybe insists on that you watch what he explains, to make sure you get it perfectly right. If you know that looking at something = paying attention but if you have trouble determining whether someone really pays attention, the eyes are the only indication to make sure.

And/or he might be very visual and thus enforces (not on purpose, of course) the same perception on you/insists that others are as visual and must see and visualise in order to understand and not just listen.

Another possibility that can also mingle with the above is that he must totally absolutely make sure you get it right. Not interpret it, misunderstand it, think something wrong, add or subtract a detail, but really know and understand what he wants to express to a T.

I did/do all of the above, which is why it comes to my mind.

When I was young, I personally didn't like singing in songs so much (just singing myself), because I didn't understand the words right and the fact that they were sung on tape was making it all the harder. To my ears it was just irritating noise in which I sometimes understood a word, which made it all the more frustrating seeing how I didn't understand the rest. But I seriously don't know if that's got anything at all to do with autism.

No. 1 - While not to the same extreme (my perspective) I remember being insistent on focus and attention. When I started teaching, what remained of the trait was of some benefit, I suppose. Would you consider the possibility that, without your direct and unmistakable attention, he does not have confidence that he is communicating? While understand the concept is likely not something he would verbalize, children are sensitive to confidence issues as you well know. From your account, it sounds like impulse control is becoming a central issue, relating to timing and appropriate response. Depending on how he thinks, he may also be using you for a sounding board. Even at a young age, I would ask for an opinion while often doing exactly what I wanted to before asking - I didn't want answers, I wanted to see if there was a reason to do it another way that made better sense. Not sure if the relevance is clear there; if there are questions please ask. There are innumerable ways one can learn to work around a 'grey area' in sensory perception.

No. 2 - As a musician, I listen to both profusely. Music with words can be distracting, with a lot of layers of meaning and interpreting involved. To rest, instrumental music is the most suitable... although as a percussionist, I have to be very selective as any active rhythms tend to get my brain wired. Music affects me intensely - mood, how I feel physically, mental clarity. I use it as a distraction when I need to focus on something else to 'offload' some of the sensory attention to something fixed and recognizable. You may have stumbled across an effective tool in working with your son. Let him explore music, instruments, even the language/symbols of music... if something connects, he will likely run with it.

Don't know about fish oil, sorry.

No. 3 - I would be willing to take a look; PM me. The ant farm sounds like a possible point of contention... something to consider. It's a good thing that he is communicating his interests... and that there are so many interests and items isn't unsurprising. When pressed for a list of what I wanted, it would be just that - a long long list of everything I wanted. Discretion comes later, methinks.


M.

I thought that TOO, and I am MALE! I guess it isn't really true though, after seeing how a lot of little boys did/do act, and men act. Of course, it is one of those things BOYS are more likely to like than girls are.

My 6 year old has yet to be diagnosed but he does not really understand if you are listening to him or not and in typical aspie fashion will continue to go on and on and on and on.
My son also loves to build and he makes some pretty cool stuff with tinker toys.

My favorite thing to do when I was younger, was play with lincoln logs, they are cheap, and extremely entertainng, I would create small theme parks (due to an obsession with disney world,) out of the train sets and lincoln logs, and leave it, and then start again.

What the devil is a lincoln log? Some quaint American thing? When I was a child; I'd build dragons out of a toy called k'nex.
Wings, tails, teeth and all.

WOW, the wikipedia entry for this borders on stupid and worthless! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lincoln_Logs

Lincoln logs where made at a time when k'nex would not have been possible. Lincoln logs are simply little log shaped blocks that have cuts that can join together. Think of them as an early type of lego. They ARE like legos, and work in the same manner, but they are bigger, made out of wood, and resemble logs.

BTW you will LOVE this! Lincoln logs are now made by a company that makes..... Want to guess?!?!?!? K'nex!

http://lincolnlogs.knex.com/?XCARTSESSI ... 72c8686cfb

Ah, youth, where have you gone...? Oh, there you are... what did I say about wandering off, now...?