Do people really learn great social skills in public school?

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I don't understand. What supposed great social skills come with public school settings that kids absolutely MUST have?

If you are different, people may be understanding but alot of times, it's the complete opposite. For example, read the comments on a homeschooled spelling bee champ. If this is how he was treated at school by his peers...what social skills are learned?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4hLS01uscY

not many... but i do feel that if i were homeschooled i wouldnt have learned any kind of social skills, as id never have gotten out of the house, i wouldve never spoken to anyone, i wouldve never learned how to make friends. *shakes head* wouldve been just like when i was 5 years old and socially clueless

Do people really learn great social skills in public school?
Not me. I owe that to my parents, who are much smarter than any public school system.

if i had learned my social skills from my mom id be a very pompous little individual right now. besides that, my mom works alot so doesnt have much time for teaching me stuff, and never did.

I second StrawberryJam's comments about homeschooling vs. public school, mostly because I've seen a prime example of this. Yes, I agree that it's still very hard to learn social skills at public school, but at least there's the "opportunity" to learn social skills, whereas if you're at home, there's LITTLE opportunity.

Just recently, I spoke with a woman who used to homeschool, and she quit because of this very thing. Their homeschooling group DID have social activities, but she felt the quality of socializing going on was very low (in her experience -- others may differ). Her children (who are not on the spectrum) ASKED to go to public school, and her kids are painfully quiet (but all of them have a wonderful, quiet sense of humor).

Another friend of mine has a 17 year old boy who has been home-schooled. He is a lovely boy, always has been eccentric and very bright, and I've always suspected that he falls on the spectrum. He has been home-schooled for 3 years now, and he used to be a lively, ADD-type boy. He is now so shy and quiet that he can hardly hold a conversation with people. Now, I know this could be due to many other factors -- it's just an interesting effect with THIS PARTICULAR BOY.

I still think that homeschooling may be necessary and beneficial in certain circumstances, and it can be WONDERFUL IN MANY SITUATIONS. I would love to home-school, and would do so if I felt like my son was having a hard time at school socially. Currently he is not, but that doesn't mean that the time won't come when he might. So I'm prepared for home-schooling as an option. But currently, he is socializing fairly well in the public school.

more than once ill see someone get enrolled in whatever school i go to, and hear that theyve been homeschoolled all their life. these people can range from either being complete a**holes (like a certain person i know from last year. he doesnt seem to realize how badly he treats people and thinks hes richer than everyone at the school *and rubs it in your face* ive always had money problems and can never afford lunch, so i ask people for small amounts of money or unwanted food. when i asked him for a dollar, hes like "oh i only got a hundred dollar bill. hey lookit how big my room is, its so much bigger than yours *shows picture of room on cell phone* look i got a plasma screen" thats a direct quote... im serious) or their really quiet and will flinch when you talk to them, or, very rarely, there are the homeschooled people who developed social skills just fine (like my friend hannah, whos like a sister to me now) you get different things out of homeschoolling. currently im consdidering homeschoolling myself this year because high school is too stressfull :/ especially considering im just trying to catch up my math skills to get my GED

I went to public school and the social skills it tried to teach me sucked. My peers were not polite; they were racist, homophobic, and ostracizing. If those are good social skills, then by all means, a public education is superior.

I'd say yes.
Throw me into a sink or swim situation, I'll eventually learn to swim.
I think if I'd been allowed to hang back I would have never learned to cope.

Sure it was hell, but I made it through.

I think the most important part of public school is learning how to correctly behave around people you don't have anything in common with, and don't really get along with. I think group projects with dumb people who knew nothing about what we were supposed to be doing and had no interest in the topics taught me more about human behavior than 1000 dinnertime conversations with my parents.

Fascinating topic. One huge factor is how good it is for the kid to be cooped up with the respective parents. If I'd found supportive teachers, I might have been better off in school. As it was, my parents trained social skills pretty strenuously. Their work situation demanded that we be comfortable meeting new people all the time.

I have AS to thank that I didn't turn out with the attitude my mother was working toward; oddly I picked up and retained more of the behavior she drilled us in than the NT kids who got the attitude did. I'm grateful for the training, but virtually all the training was focused on minimizing deficits and maximizing others' comfort around us. A bit of encouragement might have been nice, not to mention some accommodation of what I now recognize as sensory stuff. I had to vacuum the whole house every Monday, and we had a commercial vacuum cleaner that made the worst, most horrible noise EVER. I dreaded Monday nights, so I was tense all Sunday. Sundays got so bad I started dreading them on Saturday. OTOH I didn't mind taking the trash out.

Back to social skills ... so many factors. Some public schools are great for some kids; some home-school settings are optimal for some kids. And the opposite as well.

I think the most accurate answer is, "it varies."

My son actually goes to an excellent public school, that works hard against bullying / for acceptance, offers peer to peer counseling training, and more. But that he has learned social skills there has more to do with (a) being a part of the special ed lunch bunch and (b) going to after-care with an amazing care provider, than being in a school setting. It is one thing to be forced into dealing with people daily; it is another to do so effectively, and teachers honestly don't have the time to sit down and break down every conflict to help the child know how to do it better. Which is definitely something AS children need - my son's ideas for improving things tended to be so far off base it was almost humorous. AS kids need it broken down for them. I did that with my son, his resource teachers did that, and the daycare provider did that. If we had not, the forced socialization would have created frustration and withdrawal, not effective learning.

A parent can NOT send their child to public school and wash their hands of having to teach social skills. Yet, some think they can. Even with the best of schools, that just isn't true.

At least homeschool parents start out of the gate knowing that they will need to provide social skill opportunities to their children. How successful they will be varies by the motivation and ability of the parent, as well as what is available in the area.

I would never tell another parent that you MUST do "a" so that your child will acquire social skills, simply because there is no "a" that provides a universal answer. The important thing is for parents to understand their children may need help, to listen to their children, and work out WITH THEM a method of learning that will be effective for the unique individual.

IMO from my personal experience, public schools (some not all) suck for developing social skills. And yes we had a no bullying rule (though no one ever did anything about those of us bullied.) Kids will have clicks Period. Its going to happen. Some get left out. If you happen to have a few like minded AS or NT kids that can tolerate each other then things could be more acceptable. Otherwise no.

from a parenting perspective, If I could afford to home school (single mom, must work) I would sooooo keep both my NT (shadow traits) and AS son at home for school. However, We do lots of social things, and I would increase that by going more often to our local YMCA for things like swimming lessons (which they both love) and for the YMCA's homeschool camp (3 days a week for science experiments, pe type classes and social interaction) for about 2 hours per day there. being that I am most probably an aspie and know how and when to push/teach my as son new things and do that daily for his social skills, I think it would actually be better for him than what is going on at school.

Did you mean public school in a British or American sense?

I didn't learn many social skills at school, but at least I was forced to be around all kind of different people. If I were home schooled I wouldn't be around anybody except for my parents. But I agree with the person that said the best people who can teach you social skills are your parents and family.