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Shadowcat
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07 Aug 2008, 12:08 am

Why is that when you have a disability and you make a mistake, you're hollered at by people who don't have any disabilities?

When they correct you, it is done in a loud derogatory manner.

Why is it it is such a crime when a person who has a disability screws up about anything?

I think it is wrongheaded, judgemental, and rude behavior by the NT's. Am I wrong to feel angry?

I just want to know.



Gainer
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07 Aug 2008, 2:18 am

My guess, they either don't understand your disability, which I assume is AS, or they are too self righteous, did i say it correctly, to realize that when you make a mistake it is just that, a mistake.

Hard lesson,there are people who accept your faults, accept your mistake and help you. Keep them. For the rest ignore them. You know something they don't



tweety_fan
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07 Aug 2008, 5:12 am

agreed.
u have a right to feel angry by conduct such as that.



catherinespark
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07 Aug 2008, 7:18 am

It may be like the "Yarmouth" theory. The theory that shouting loudly at foreigners will make them miraculously understand what you are saying a lot better.

There are however more likely theories than this: Often this sort of thing happens when the person is already wound up about something; maybe they have done something stupid themselves, and feel silly, and so want to make someone out to be even sillier, so they don't feel so bad. Completely nonsensical, but that's much of life for you.

Or sometimes it is at the end of a long string of things that have rubbed them up the wrong way, and you are 'the straw that broke the donkey's back' or rather, that one last annoyance that made them finally snap. Remember, you are not the target in 90% of the time, and also remember that these people will at many points in life have been irrationally yelled at and made to feel stupid too. True, it's not an excuse, but at least it's an explanation.



chocoholic
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07 Aug 2008, 4:06 pm

I think it is because there is a lot of prejudice against people with disabilities. There's already something different about you that they don't like and therefore they look for the most minute reason to jump down your throat.

Case in point: sometimes my coworkers do not do their job correctly, stand around slacking off, come in late to work, and management doesn't say a word to them because they are the manager's buddies. With me, on the other hand, if I make the slightest mistake, for example: standing around (not to slack off, but to be in the vicinity of a customer), coming back from break even 1 minute late, not having perfect looking (without bothering to look at the actual results) job performance, I get reprimanded, sometimes right on the sales floor. I think it's because they know I'm autistic and have accommodations in place for such, that they sometimes treat me like I should be perfect, while paradoxically treating me like I'm less capable than they are and like I'm beneath them.

My advice: just do the best you can and give 100% to what you're doing. That's all anyone can ask of you. And as for people who expect nothing less than perfection, they have the problem, not you.



StrawberryJam
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07 Aug 2008, 5:08 pm

i have the same problem, but not with complete strangers. its usually either my mom or my boyfriend. my mom knows what AS is and does, my boyfriend barely understands it (not for lack of trying though). my mom goes off the handle like a friggen bi-polar whenever i have the wrong tone of voice around her o_o; and it ends up in a shouting match which doesnt help things. she KNOWS i cant control my tone of voice all the time (though im getting better) and yet she acts like i mean to sound sarcastic/angry/rude/other. my boyfriend doesnt understand this (i really do need to explain things to him better) and occasionally hell do something wrong, slightly annoying, or selfish, and itll bug me a little and ill call him out for it, but not meaning to sound angry and so hell get angry because he thinks im angry and ill get angry because hes angry :/

"stop geting mad at me over everything!"
"i wasnt mad at you!"
"you sound like you're mad!"
"well NOW i am >_<!"

this was more common when we both spent a week with a friend in alabama and were in constant contact with each other. hed do rather selfish things like taking all the scrambled eggs at breakfast and leaving me and our friend with almost nothing, or hed leave cans sitting around without realizing it, or would tease our friend and it would get annoying to hear them arguing (such as the time he took her phone and was danging it above her head, and they were being loud about it. now that i look back at it, they were probably joking, it was just too loud for me to want to deal with while i was reading something on the computer)


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Callista
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07 Aug 2008, 5:13 pm

I think the disability aspect of it is immaterial; it would be just as rude to treat a non-disabled person that way. It's not like being non-disabled means that when you need to be corrected it means you deliberately did something. Everybody makes mistakes--even obvious mistakes.


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Amik
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08 Aug 2008, 4:57 pm

I think it's perfectly normal to feel angry about being treated like this. I face the same problem and it does make me angry, annoyed and upset.

I hate it how when I make a mistake once, some people start treating me like an incompetent idiot and assume I will always make that same mistake. They treat me like a child, are impatient or don't let me do some things, all because I made a mistake once. As if they never make any mistakes themselves. :roll:



Timpani
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08 Aug 2008, 5:07 pm

Yes, you have a perfect right to feel angry, though of course showing it is not always "politic".

I'm not sure if these people are work colleagues (or worse, "superiors") - if so, this sort of behaviour shows a lack of training, at the very least. As far as you can, treat it as a symptom of their problem.

We all make many mistakes - the trick is to see how much we can learn from the mistakes we make.

As Mr. Cohen said:

"There is a crack in everything / that's how the light gets in"



tomboy4good
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08 Aug 2008, 5:20 pm

I have also been yelled at either for making a mistake (wasn't aware that everyone else thinks I should be held to a higher standard than the norm 8O ), or because I misinterpreted directions. What really rankles me is that the person who yells at me rarely ever will apologize for making a scene. I guess they are too self-absorbed/small minded to see how stupid they look. Not to mention, how embarrassed I am to be yelled at.

On a side note, my boss teased me about misinterpreting his instructions. Once I explained to him that I took him literally, then things got diffused. So that was a potential scene that didn't happen. Just wish that were the norm instead of the exception!


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Aspie Score: 173/200, NT score 31/200: very likely an Aspie
5/18/11: New Aspie test: 72/72
DX: Anxiety plus ADHD/Aspergers: inconclusive