revenge / grudges

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The empathy topic was interesting.

I was wondering about revenge, though.

Do you feel a need for revenge more than NTs? Or less? Do you hold grudges more intensely/longer, or about the same as others? I don't mean acting out revenge, of course. Just the anger part.

The need for revenge / holding grudges may have nothing to do with neuroidentity. Sounds to me like more of a human thing. NTs and Aspies are not as different as you think. We're all human beings. I would never assume otherwise.

The opposite of empathy would be indifference, I think. Btw neuroidentity is just a fancy word I've seen people throw around on this site. It's the idea that one's neurology forms his identity, but I don't quite susbscribe to that myself. I think there's more to a person than being either Aspie or NT. So much more.

Neuroidentity. You could try a Google search on that word.

I think AS do get quite vengefull and i do think it is related to AS.
AS tend to pereverate, this means we get obsessed with occurances and can become snagged on them, have an inability to let "things go" and have an almost crusade type approach to perceived wrongs and wrongdoers.

i think holding grudges , trying to get or extract revenge is an AS feature that is not uncommon amongst all AS, particularly adolescents.

I used to have a list of all the people who had wronged me. i wanted revenge and in some cases extracted it.
i have lost the list, i feel happier within myself, i dont get snagged on little things AS MUCH anymore.

So you're saying revenge is a non-issue for NTs? I would disagree. How much of literature owes to revenge-seeking and revenge found? A lot, that's how much.

no im not saying that revenge is a non issue for Nt's these are your words not mine.
a lot?
yip cant argue with that.

I don't know if its an AS or NT issue really, but I will admit that I don't forget things. Very rarely will I let something go. I can eventually stop bringing it up, or even stifle my real feelings towards that person if I'm not comfortable enough to talk to them about it in the first place... however, my husband will hear the brunt of it. I'll vent to him nonstop. And no matter what it seems that those angry feelings come back again.

So it is hard to "let go."
And I do get some pleasure when random unfortunate things happen to people that have wronged me. Though I'm not usually one to exact revenge personally, I more just perseverate on being wronged.

I don't ever feel the need for revenge, in fact I can't even stand the concept. Justice on the other hand I like, it's just that people get the two mixed up so frequently that it's lost all meaning. I think it's partly the way I was raised with Christian values, and forgiveness/grace is a big part of that philosophy. I don't think I'd be particularly vengeful anyway, but I can't really know.

You know, karma is actually neither bad nor good. Like gravity.

I think revenge or justice, for some aspies, can become an obsession. So I would never say that aspies are more prone to forgiveness on this front.

I'm not an extremely vengeful person, yet I find the need to extract revenge at times. I prefer to turn the other cheek, but after a certain number of times being slapped for no just reason, there is a point to where one must strike back. If people see that you will not stick up for yourself, you will become an easy mark. It is better to try to have people like you. If you can't do that, then you want to get them to at least respect you. If that cannot be accomplished, then you MUST make them FEAR you.


My nephew is very mildly autistic. He was picked on and bullied at school when he was younger. I taught him how to fight dirty, and he used a couple of my tricks against a boy two grades ahead of him. He won the fight, and the rest of the kids stopped picking on him. Of course, it was my nephew that got in trouble, but the other kids must have seen the older boy as an example of what will happen to those who picked on my nephew.

My hypothesis is the only reason people with Asperger's hold grudges more often than NT people is cause we have more to hold a grudge about, meaning NT people give us a hard time.
NT people hold grudges about stuff that happened to them in school just as much as we do, we just had more stuff happen to us. And I'm in my 30s, so the people I'm comparing myself with here are all between 25-38. I have an NT friend who refuses to be in the same room with another NT friend of mine cause of something he said to her when they were 12. That is worse than any grudge I have, and nobody bats an eyelash, they find it really justified.