Anxiety and frustration (warning, a bit of a rant ahead!)

Post Reply New Topic

I'm sorry if this seems a little like a rant, but sometimes I really wish people could understand me. I suffer alot from anxiety and panic attacks, as I am sure many of you do as well.
Some days I NEED to hide away from the world, I make a huge effort to be social even though it is the hardest thing for me.
Today I did that, I stayed in my bedroom on my computer.
I did my chores, I fed my animals and washed the dishes and the laundry, but between my chores, I chose to sit in my bedroom and listen to music and talk on MSN; as I feel better communicating through the computer and it eases feelings of isolation for me.
At 9pm, I was watching a movie and my mum came in my bedroom, stared at me and walked out.
I asked what she wanted, and she said something akin to 'You're spending your whole life on that computer, you only come downstairs for meals'
In truth, I have only spend two days this week doing this.
It really hurt me, if everyone in the world doesn't understand me, shouldn't my own mother know what I am feeling?
I said to her 'Its 9pm, I've done my chores and I am watching a movie, what do you want me to do?' and she said 'nothing' and it confused me. Why is she getting so angry if she doesn't want me to do anything?
It really hurts me that me and my own mother can't communicate.
Can anyone offer any advice? Is anyone else in the same situation? My mother is very much NT. My dad has AS and we are more like best friends, we understand each other completely.
My parents divorced when I was little because my mum couldn't put up with my dads AS traits.
Sometimes I think that if divorcing your own kids was possible, she would do the same to me.

Coroonb, thank you for your advice.
My mum is a very busy lady, sometimes I sit with her on an evening but she doesn't speak to me, or tells me she is too busy to spend time with me.
This is why I get so confused - she acts like she doesn't want me around, then acts angry when I spend time alone.
I have tried to urge her to read some books and look at some sites in order to understand me but she plays the 'too busy' card.
I hate trying to talk to her because I mumble and she gets angry at me mumbling.
I left home for uni but it didn't work out so well, and now I am back home until September. Its hard because I have this heartache, and my brother and sister chat with her and I feel I am on the outside looking in most of the time.
I will make more of an effort if thats what it takes

I also need lots of alone time to calm my angsty ways. Lukily for me, when I was living at home my mother gave me all the personal space I needed. My hubby sometimes gets upset at the amout of time our aspie teen spends in his room, but I know how it is and let him be. Maybe if your mom understood that you are not trying to be antisocial or to separate yourself from the family, she would be more understanding. Even non-autistics need time to themselves.

I would say do not make more effort as you will only get hurt more, your mom sounds exactly like mine, she resents you for being who you are, i know about being jealous that she chats with your brothers and sisters, my mom doesnt really talk to me either, shuts me out, doesnt know how to deal with me, it hurts, but i have learned , you just gotta shut her out too, or it will hurt too much, you just lead the kind of life you want to lead and try not to think about her too much. she might also be angry about the college thing not working out because mine was. if she wanted to talk to you she would have been more available and more welcoming when you tried to so increased efforts will only make you hurt more, i know from experience.

My mom and I went through this...my need for extended "alone time" made my mom feel like I was rejecting her. Sometimes she would literally drag me out of my room. I'd be hurt because she wasn't respecting my need for solitude and she'd be hurt because I seemed to be avoiding her. Over the years, we have come to understand each other better and she no longer interprets my need to withdraw as a rejection of her company. Have you tried just explaining it to your mom? You describe her as "very much NT", so she just might not get it.