Getting a Diagnosis: My Fears

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I know I have Asperger's Syndrome. For the sake of my own sanity, self-validation and some sort of sense-making of my past, I really want to hear these words uttered from the mouth of a professional. Why hearing someone qualified say it would make a world of difference, I do not know, but it would.

Here's the problem. My entire life I have been subject to abuse, humiliation, misunderstanding and labeling because I do not read people well or understand what is expected of me socially in situations I have not "studied". I am particularly terrified of those in authority to make calls about who I am, without allowing me to explain who I am. I fear that seeking a diagnosis will effectively label me and make me a target, something I've spent my entire life attempting to avoid.

Will they decide that I need to be forced to take mind-altering medication because I am autistic? Will they force me to participate in therapies I do not want? Will they want to take my children from me because some morons think that only neurotypical parents should have children? All of these fears, warranted or not, haunt me.

I hope to hear stories of others who have sought a diagnosis; the good and the bad please. I made an appointment, but I don't know if I can bring myself to go.

I don't know where you live, but I'm not aware of any country that will 'force' you to take medication. (Short of being declared criminally insane.) Or participate in therapies, or take your children from you. Not even in America ! !! (sarcasm)

I know I am AS, but I don't feel it's worth the time and money required to get a DX. Frankly, don't know what I'd do with it once I got it ! !

Prof_Pretorius: I think if I didn't need so badly to make sense of my life up to this point, I would not desire a diagnosis either.

Daniel: When I was 14, I went through a myriad of tests because my mother felt I was depressed. I didn't want to play with other kids, or go to school, or do much of anything unless it involved me doing my own thing, alone, unbothered. She was convinced I was going to go suicidal or something (totally not in my character) because I was just so "sad". I wasn't sad at all! And every one of the numerous counselors she took me to told her the same. "This child is not depressed." Eventually, one gave me a ton of tests about feelings, reading faces, etc. etc. She showed me cards and asked me what the person was feeling, and if so-and-so said this, how should you respond? I knew most of the "required" answers. I studied people. I had to. But some baffled me, simply because they were new. At the end of the lengthy hours-long evaluation, she said that she felt I had "some features of an autistic disorder". We left immediately, before she finished explaining or anything, and never went back. I've looked into seeing if I could get the records from this, and they said they would no longer even have them. It's been 16 years.

I've realised that I have Aspergers (with the help of my bestfriend) in the past few months, and am going to see a free pshchiatrist who specialises in Aspergers in Women next week about a diagnosis. I think a diagnosis would sort of help lift alot of the weight I've been carrying on my shouldes. for years.

Get a private disgnosis that does not appear on your medical record and keep it to yourself?

re.children being taken away.
gareth and amy from AFF were threatened with it,if am remember correctly,it is possible,have heard of others in this country getting the threat though they werent neglecting their children either.

If I am remember correctly, you were one of the people that responded to a thread that I had made a long time ago about being misdiagnosed, and mistreated in therapy for that misdiagnosis. If that's the case, I think your fears may be more about that whole experience, than what's likely to happen to you at present. I can relate that your fears completely, as I'm terrified myself of seeking a diagnosis, because I don't want to ever end up in that kind of situation again. You're an adult now. If you don't like the direction things are taking you have every right to get up, and leave. No one is going to force anything on you, and it's doubtful that anyone would try to take your children without probable cause. I understand your need for closure, and I applaud your courage to even make that appointment.

Serenity...thank you.