For those with issues regarding touch

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I am NT and have an aspie step son who is not yet identified. He has an aversion to being touched by others and usually touching others as well. Question: Have you been able to overcome your aversion to touch? If so how? If you had a parent systematically address it by gradually increasing your tolerance to touching other family members (like little sisters;-)
would that be helpful or more harmful than good? Would it work at all???

Thanks for all you do to increase the understanding for others... You are making lives better everyday...

I'm 26 and I still have problems with touch as I did as a child. I don't even really hug my own family.
I do hug a good friend at work though.
You can't force it they have to want it.

I've never liked touching other people or other people touching me. I feel trapped, like my space has been invaded and it makes me very uncomfortable. I think it is the sensory aspect that bothers me most and not being in control of the sensations. I hate getting my hair cut as a result of this.

I do shake hands as its rude not to but beyond that I have little to no physical contact with others.

I was 19 before I'd even hug my family, and still do it only half-assed.
There have always been exceptions though, who I though of as "hug people".
"Casual" aquaintence hugs, I can usually handle but never initiate.
Some days I just don't want touched at all (anywhere), somedays I want contact. Luckily, my husband understands.

I usually don't like to be touched unless I initiate it...and I wouldn't have appreciated my parents trying to "increase my tolerance". This is a major part of who I am -I don't think you should force it.

I've mangaged to cope by avoiding "huggy" type people.

Why do you want to change your Aspie child? Look everyone has something that they hate whether they are NT or AS. Why do you think you should touch him anyway? I'm 39 yr old Aspie and I hate touch now more the older I get even though as a child I was cuddled and touched a lot.

So your idea that touching a lot as a child will make him like it as he gets older is unfounded. It just doesn't work like that. A lot of us do like hugs from people we like, but other kinds of touches are bad. I about vomited yesterday when my co-worker brushed her arm against mine when we were working on something together. It reminds me of something I read in a dyslexia book that said people that had it felt pain when their arms are touched. Yeah seriously that's what the book said though I wonder if it was AS people they were really encountering who just happen to have dyslexia too. If someone rubs their hand across my arm it literally feels like I am being stabbed. Apparently its a neurological problem, bad wiring I guess, but it is weird and it hurts.

Keep in mind anytime you force something on someone's body it is akin to rape. No one should be forced to endure touch if they do not like it. Let him initiate physical contact and he may gradually come to like some forms of touch.

I haven't overcome it. Hugs are still really uncomfortable, and light touch still hurts.

Also, what Ticker said.

I only like to hug my kids, sisters, and husband. I don't like hugging my mother because she is clingy and it feels like she oversteps my personal boundaries. I 1/2-ass hug my in-laws because they are a huggy family, but I really don't like it.

When my HFA daughter was born, she did not like to be swaddled and really didn't like to be held much. This worried us- it's not "normal", so we had her sleep in bed with us and she had constant physical contact with us- I carried her around in a sling too for most of the day. I believe that this did indeed help her become less sensitive to touch. She has never been a huggy kid with us- she has to initiate it or she pulls away, but she does like to hug her brothers and sister. She also HATES to have her hair brushed of fixed.

Like me, light touch really irritates her. Awhile back, I read that using a brush(soft bristle boar kind) to brush a child with an ASD all over their body, will help them desensitize to touch. We don't do that with my daughter, but I actually love to be brushed abd it helps meet my sensory needs. I know it sounds weird, but it makes me feel better, calmer, etc.

I find my son accepts a lot of things more easily when I prepare him. So, if I feel like giving him a hug, I'll tell him "I'm going to give you a hug in about 5 minutes" and he expects it, so it doesn't spook him. (The preparation-ahead-of-time strategy has worked wonders for all kinds of transitions. Just make sure you are consistent, and actually do what you say you are going to do.)

Actually, an ahead-of-time warning usually works for me, too. If I don't initiate, at least give me time to prepare...

I hate to be touched, but I can hug someone when I need to... And I know that I don't do it very well, it's more a robot hug... I think it is something that will never come easily, but we can deal with touch working on it. I still have terrible problems about sex and I am married.

My daughter told me my hugs say...get the crap off me...although I don't mean for them to. I make an effort to be affectionate with my family, but the rest of the world can just step back.

I touch hands, hold hands or squeeze. Because it's easier, less confronting or invading to touch with my hands which I do so much touch with already (eating, testing surfaces, feeling out physical boundaries, nice fabrics). Other touch isn't comfortable and I do sometimes but only if I can control the extent of it or I get so my body feels like I'm angry even if I don't really think I am. Maybe you can touch like that as a middle compromise?


Ticker made the good point that confusing about touch can be bad later on if some other adult wants to take advantage of that with inappropriate touch. Not all children or adults always understand what's appropriate touch and what's not, and even worse for children who are uncomfortable with any touch but are told that they should be fine with some but without clear (to them) guidelines about what's okay to refuse or when. Especially since lots of abuse is by people who we're told should be trusted so you can't really say "It's okay if it's me or him or her but others maybe are hurting you."

I have big problems with touching and being touched. Not all of us do, but I certainly do. I'm ok if I have time to prepare myself, or if it's something expected like a handshake (although it's still uncomfortable and makes my mind blank out for a few seconds). I'm ok if it's someone very close to me and I've asked them to massage an aching shoulder or something like that. But if it's an unexpected touch, it hurts. If it's a full-on hug, it hurts.

I find ways round it. I'm better at being hugged if someone's hugging me through a duvet, for example, as it spreads the pressure. Might sound weird to you, but it works for me.

Let someone who has touch issues decide when and where to touch. If they don't want to, I think we need to respect that unless it's a medical emergency and there's no choice.

There are many close friends I'd like to hug more often, but I always fear they'll not welcome it. I never know when it's an appropriate time.

What I absolutely hate is having to greet women with a kiss on the cheek. I have scared some women by insisting on the handshake greeting, and I'm going to have to talk seriously with a female friend of mine who has started to warn everybody that I don't like contact. It's not that it isn't somewhat true, but it's none of her business to spread the word, like I'm a rabid dog that people should beware of.

My mother sometimes surprises me. She tells me more and more about my father that sounds AS, and IN THAT CONTEXT! Still, do you know why she said she thinks I don't like being touched? She thinks it was because she never really held me because I squirmed and was big! I had a talk with her last night, and this just happened to come up.

GEE, Maybe I squirmed because I didn't like being held! She kept trying to make me eat things, and I STILL don't! I STARVED last friday because of my "preferences"!

I'm seriously starting to think maybe AS runs in my family. My father first got REALLY into bridge(Apparently his whole family is taught bridge at an early age), then got into IBM, then DEC.