Graet article - by Donna Williams

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Autism and competition; when one just won´t compete!

http://www.americanchronicle.com/articles/71669

Thanks for posting this article. It explains a lot, especially the "all self-no other" and "all other-no self". I identified with the entire article and saved it in favorites for future reference, reassurrance, encouragement, etc. I think as a child and on through most of my adult life I was all other-no self and now all self-no other. I'd like to learn more about what that's all about. I thought more highly of myself when I was more self-sacrificing but it also cost me a lot in many ways and really wasn't that good for me. The other isn't so good for me either. It would be nice to find a balance.

Thanks again...

And yes, I have never been one who would compete.

I agree, even though I have always loved sport prefer to run alone, kayak alone etc...

Ditto, me too, but it does get kind of lonesome sometimes, although the alternatives aren't all that enticing.

I like/liked "competing" in sport and/or anything, it's just that I don't care if I win or lose like most people seem to care for.

I'll do my best to win, it's just that I don't care if I lose (I don't have much of an ego).

I'm not even sure if it is about the winning or losing, its the being told what to do by others I find hard, all the instructions, takes the fun away, complicates things... I do care if I win or lose I feel to much, its the pressure this brings I can not handle...

and I agree it can be lonely sometimes, but when I am doing some think I really enjoy alone, it brings with it a great freedom, hard to explain but its like a kind of belonging, at one with the world.

I'm not competitive at all. The whole concept just goes right over my head. I think that most of my childhood "friends" hung out with me mostly for an ego-boost. I would always let them win at everything, because I just didn't care. I only applied my best effort to things that interested me, and those were solitary activities. Even if I had done them well, I never thought about letting anyone know about it. It just didn't occur to me.

The inability to multi-task that was spoke of in the article is a major problem of mine. I have some severe problems that are related to my inability to multi-task. It is probably the one thing that I'd change about myself if I could.

I compete. But only when I want to.

I was never caught with the usual promises of taking part in a competition. I don't care for losing or winning for the sake of others winning/losing, because I don't care for what others think.

That's kind of me for the rest:

Means I do have a huge ego and other people have the importance of ants to me. So if somebody asks me to compete with them, I turn them down usually. I don't care for comparing strengths and social hierarchy and all, because I'm all good by myself.

If there's a situation in which I happen to care for what the competition is about I'm all in to show I'm the best.

I was just reading back thought the article and had to highlight this para:
"Now some people with Aspergers and many people with autism swing between a sense of "all self-no other" and "all other-no self" so when in all self mode, awareness of other people´s reactions, one´s place in relation to them or the consequences, can evaporate. In all other-no self mode, one can stop, stare and have little response yet be mapping everything the other person has done even though they may have no conscious awareness or access to what they think or feel about that at that time."

Interesting way of putting my different moods"swing between a sense of "all self-no other" and "all other-no self" " so me and thought just mood swings, bipolar traits... but forget the labels, feel many of us on the spectrum have differing moods... traits and labels overlap, and seem to vary from person to person... as Donna may put it, we are an interesting "fruit salad" mix, but are we all mixed with the same traits and the professional world find various labels to try and figure our differences... I believe there are 2 sets of people in this world those on the autism spectrum and those that are not... of course we are all unique and all affected by circumstances, environmental factors, medical etc... sometimes I feel like none aspies try and fix what they can label, but forget the most important part of who we are, our core, The Autism Heart thats where the real difference lies...

All "graet" articles topic

I have read the first of Donna's books--I hope to read the other nine. (Edit--I mean eight others!) Biographies and philosophical analyses are one of my many interests.

Her Autism is not mine. I did not have visions or hallucinations. I also did not have the behaviour issues, though our mothers are similar. Her father did seem like more of a decent sort than mine. I have never made any friends, nor do I find a need for this. A spouse is not necessary. My brother and sister did tease me, and I am estranged from them. I did not compete either in my family, or with others. If I was unhappy with my own abilities, it was because I had better self-expectations. I did it for ME.

As I have grown older, past fifty, I am becoming more as I was between the ages of twelve and sixteen, drawn inward, and even more reflective. I only come out to the other in terms of my children still at home. Perhaps if I had been childfree, this might not have happened, but this is only conjecture. I have been a mother for nearly thirty-five years, and I regret nothing.

Donna's article is an excellent analysis of her Autistic spin on her world, and it is a keeper.

Like yourself I am a mother my greatest joy in life and also would have it's no other way, it's given me a sense of belonging I never had before, I am almost fifty and find like you the older I get the more I seem to be drawn inward, and reflect... is this wisdom I ask, I am much happier and do feel if I was child free, maybe I would of excluded myself from the game playing society brings, and taken off that masks much sooner....

Donna Williams I have so much respect for and yes I know she is an autie and me an aspie, but a can see so many similarities, parallels and feel there is not such a big differance with those of us on the autism spectrum, we may all be as deserve and different as those not on the autism spectrum in one respect... by our cores, the center which I call the autism heart is the same.

I did an on line interview with Donna myself a while ago, which you may like to read...
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=107

For me "all other-no self" meant I could only feel the feelings of others and didn't experience my own, not at all, but did wonder about it. I spent most of my life here. Now I'm more "all self-no other" in that I'm less sensitive to the feelings or concerns of others, even though I still sob the minute I see someone cry and even worse see animals exposed to suffering and situations that are cruel or insensitive to their needs. People have taken advantage though of my generous nature and for the most part I think that's why I have changed or switched over. I'm completely bled to death and now can't care so much anymore. I always wondered why I couldn't actually feel my own pain or experiences but I could feel those of others. It's interesting to think about but I don't think I will get any answers anytime soon.

Nice thread.

Put like that has made me re-look at myself and your so right, thats exactly what I do... for others I show real emotion, for myself I retreat, withdraw into myself searching now, curious if anyone can explain this!

What was happening to me was so intense that I knew it was particularly odd I couldn't experience myself or any associating feelings in regard to my own. But when I saw other people hurt it would crush me unbelievably and the pain was immense. It seems like a curious thing to know about. In a less traumatic environment, perhaps this aspect is harder to pick up on or notice. But you identified as soon as you heard it.

Graet interviews topic

Yes, Alyson! I checked your site and read the interviews. Excellent. I prefer your interview with Donna Williams than the American Chronicle story.

Just wondering...there does seem to be a lot of Australians dx with AS and Autism. Is the rate of AS/Autism higher there than in other parts of the world, or is it just that Aussies are more talkative?